第9章
加入书架 A- A+
点击下载App,搜索"Winesburg, Ohio",免费读到尾

  Whenacounterorarowofshelvesinthestorebecameuseless,clerkscarrieditupthestairwayandthrewitonthepile。

  DoctorReefy\'sofficewasaslargeasabarn。A

  stovewitharoundpaunchsatinthemiddleoftheroom。Arounditsbasewaspiledsawdust,heldinplacebyheavyplanksnailedtothefloor。BythedoorstoodahugetablethathadoncebeenapartofthefurnitureofHerrick\'sClothingStoreandthathadbeenusedfordisplayingcustom-madeclothes。

  Itwascoveredwithbooks,bottles,andsurgicalin-

  struments。NeartheedgeofthetablelaythreeorfourapplesleftbyJohnSpaniard,atreenurserymanwhowasDoctorReefy\'sfriend,andwhohadslippedtheapplesoutofhispocketashecameinatthedoor。

  AtmiddleageDoctorReefywastallandawk-

  ward。Thegreybeardhelaterworehadnotyetap-

  peared,butontheupperlipgrewabrownmustache。

  Hewasnotagracefulman,aswhenhegrewolder,andwasmuchoccupiedwiththeproblemofdispos-

  ingofhishandsandfeet。

  Onsummerafternoons,whenshehadbeenmar-

  riedmanyyearsandwhenhersonGeorgewasaboyoftwelveorfourteen,ElizabethWillardsome-

  timeswentupthewornstepstoDoctorReefy\'sof-

  fice。Alreadythewoman\'snaturallytallfigurehadbeguntodroopandtodragitselflistlesslyabout。

  Ostensiblyshewenttoseethedoctorbecauseofherhealth,butonthehalfdozenoccasionswhenshehadbeentoseehimtheoutcomeofthevisitsdidnotprimarilyconcernherhealth。Sheandthedoctortalkedofthatbuttheytalkedmostofherlife,oftheirtwolivesandoftheideasthathadcometothemastheylivedtheirlivesinWinesburg。

  Inthebigemptyofficethemanandthewomansatlookingateachotherandtheywereagooddealalike。Theirbodiesweredifferent,aswerealsothecoloroftheireyes,thelengthoftheirnoses,andthecircumstancesoftheirexistence,butsomethinginsidethemmeantthesamething,wantedthesamerelease,wouldhaveleftthesameimpressiononthememoryofanonlooker。Later,andwhenhegrewolderandmarriedayoungwife,thedoctoroftentalkedtoherofthehoursspentwiththesickwomanandexpressedagoodmanythingshehadbeenun-

  abletoexpresstoElizabeth。Hewasalmostapoetinhisoldageandhisnotionofwhathappenedtookapoeticturn。\"IhadcometothetimeinmylifewhenprayerbecamenecessaryandsoIinventedgodsandprayedtothem,\"hesaid。\"IdidnotsaymyprayersinwordsnordidIkneeldownbutsatperfectlystillinmychair。InthelateafternoonwhenitwashotandquietonMainStreetorinthewinterwhenthedaysweregloomy,thegodscameintotheofficeandIthoughtnooneknewaboutthem。ThenIfoundthatthiswomanElizabethknew,thatsheworshippedalsothesamegods。Ihaveanotionthatshecametotheofficebecauseshethoughtthegodswouldbetherebutshewashappytofindherselfnotalonejustthesame。Itwasanexperiencethatcannotbeexplained,althoughIsupposeitisalwayshappeningtomenandwomeninallsortsofplaces。\"

  OnthesummerafternoonswhenElizabethandthedoctorsatintheofficeandtalkedoftheirtwolivestheytalkedofotherlivesalso。Sometimesthedoctormadephilosophicepigrams。Thenhechuck-

  ledwithamusement。Nowandthenafteraperiodofsilence,awordwassaidorahintgiventhatstrangelyilluminatedthefifeofthespeaker,awishbecameadesire,oradream,halfdead,flaredsud-

  denlyintolife。Forthemostpartthewordscamefromthewomanandshesaidthemwithoutlookingattheman。

  Eachtimeshecametoseethedoctorthehotelkeeper\'swifetalkedalittlemorefreelyandafteranhourortwoinhispresencewentdownthestairwayintoMainStreetfeelingrenewedandstrengthenedagainstthedullnessofherdays。Withsomethingapproachingagirlhoodswingtoherbodyshewalkedalong,butwhenshehadgotbacktoherchairbythewindowofherroomandwhendark-

  nesshadcomeonandagirlfromthehoteldiningroombroughtherdinneronatray,sheletitgrowcold。Herthoughtsranawaytohergirlhoodwithitspassionatelongingforadventureandsheremem-

  beredthearmsofmenthathadheldherwhenad-

  venturewasapossiblethingforher。Particularlysherememberedonewhohadforatimebeenherloverandwhointhemomentofhispassionhadcriedouttohermorethanahundredtimes,sayingthesamewordsmadlyoverandover:\"Youdear!Youdear!

  Youlovelydear!\"Thewords,shethought,ex-

  pressedsomethingshewouldhavelikedtohaveachievedinlife。

  Inherroomintheshabbyoldhotelthesickwifeofthehotelkeeperbegantoweepand,puttingherhandstoherface,rockedbackandforth。Thewordsofheronefriend,DoctorReefy,ranginherears。

  \"Loveislikeawindstirringthegrassbeneathtreesonablacknight,\"hehadsaid。\"Youmustnottrytomakelovedefinite。Itisthedivineaccidentoflife。

  Ifyoutrytobedefiniteandsureaboutitandtolivebeneaththetrees,wheresoftnightwindsblow,thelonghotdayofdisappointmentcomesswiftlyandthegrittydustfrompassingwagonsgathersuponlipsinflamedandmadetenderbykisses。\"

  ElizabethWillardcouldnotrememberhermotherwhohaddiedwhenshewasbutfiveyearsold。Hergirlhoodhadbeenlivedinthemosthaphazardman-

  nerimaginable。Herfatherwasamanwhohadwantedtobeletaloneandtheaffairsofthehotelwouldnotlethimalone。Healsohadlivedanddiedasickman。Everydayhearosewithacheerfulface,butbyteno\'clockinthemorningallthejoyhadgoneoutofhisheart。Whenaguestcomplainedofthefareinthehoteldiningroomoroneofthegirlswhomadeupthebedsgotmarriedandwentaway,hestampedonthefloorandswore。Atnightwhenhewenttobedhethoughtofhisdaughtergrowingupamongthestreamofpeoplethatdriftedinandoutofthehotelandwasovercomewithsadness。Asthegirlgrewolderandbegantowalkoutintheeveningwithmenhewantedtotalktoher,butwhenhetriedwasnotsuccessful。Healwaysforgotwhathewantedtosayandspentthetimecomplain-

  ingofhisownaffairs。

  InhergirlhoodandyoungwomanhoodElizabethhadtriedtobearealadventurerinlife。Ateighteenlifehadsogrippedherthatshewasnolongeravirginbut,althoughshehadahalfdozenloversbeforeshemarriedTomWillard,shehadneveren-

  tereduponanadventurepromptedbydesirealone。

  Likeallthewomenintheworld,shewantedareallover。Alwaystherewassomethingshesoughtblindly,passionately,somehiddenwonderinlife。

  Thetallbeautifulgirlwiththeswingingstridewhohadwalkedunderthetreeswithmenwasforeverputtingoutherhandintothedarknessandtryingtogetholdofsomeotherhand。Inallthebabbleofwordsthatfellfromthelipsofthemenwithwhomsheadventuredshewastryingtofindwhatwouldbeforherthetrueword,ElizabethhadmarriedTomWillard,aclerkinherfather\'shotel,becausehewasathandandwantedtomarryatthetimewhenthedeterminationtomarrycametoher。Forawhile,likemostyounggirls,shethoughtmarriagewouldchangethefaceoflife。Iftherewasinhermindadoubtoftheout-

  comeofthemarriagewithTomshebrusheditaside。

  Herfatherwasillandneardeathatthetimeandshewasperplexedbecauseofthemeaninglessout-

  comeofanaffairinwhichshehadjustbeenin-

  volved。OthergirlsofherageinWinesburgweremarryingmenshehadalwaysknown,groceryclerksoryoungfarmers。IntheeveningtheywalkedinMainStreetwiththeirhusbandsandwhenshepassedtheysmiledhappily。Shebegantothinkthatthefactofmarriagemightbefullofsomehiddensignificance。Youngwiveswithwhomshetalkedspokesoftlyandshyly。\"Itchangesthingstohaveamanofyourown,\"theysaid。

  Ontheeveningbeforehermarriagetheperplexedgirlhadatalkwithherfather。Latershewonderedifthehoursalonewiththesickmanhadnotledtoherdecisiontomarry。Thefathertalkedofhislifeandadvisedthedaughtertoavoidbeingledintoanothersuchmuddle。HeabusedTomWillard,andthatledElizabethtocometotheclerk\'sdefense。Thesickmanbecameexcitedandtriedtogetoutofbed。

  Whenshewouldnotlethimwalkabouthebegantocomplain。\"I\'veneverbeenletalone,\"hesaid。

  \"AlthoughI\'veworkedhardI\'venotmadethehotelpay。EvennowIowemoneyatthebank。You\'llfindthatoutwhenI\'mgone。\"

  Thevoiceofthesickmanbecametensewithear-

  nestness。Beingunabletoarise,heputouthishandandpulledthegirl\'sheaddownbesidehisown。

  \"There\'sawayout,\"hewhispered。\"Don\'tmarryTomWillardoranyoneelsehereinWinesburg。

  Thereiseighthundreddollarsinatinboxinmytrunk。Takeitandgoaway。\"

  Againthesickman\'svoicebecamequerulous。

  \"You\'vegottopromise,\"hedeclared。\"Ifyouwon\'tpromisenottomarry,givemeyourwordthatyou\'llnevertellTomaboutthemoney。ItismineandifI

  giveittoyouI\'vetherighttomakethatdemand。

  Hideitaway。Itistomakeuptoyouformyfailureasafather。Sometimeitmayprovetobeadoor,agreatopendoortoyou。Comenow,ItellyouI\'mabouttodie,givemeyourpromise。\"

  InDoctorReefy\'soffice,Elizabeth,atiredgauntoldwomanatforty-one,satinachairnearthestoveandlookedatthefloor。Byasmalldesknearthewindowsatthedoctor。Hishandsplayedwithaleadpencilthatlayonthedesk。Elizabethtalkedofherlifeasamarriedwoman。Shebecameimpersonalandforgotherhusband,onlyusinghimasalayfiguretogivepointtohertale。\"AndthenIwasmarriedanditdidnotturnoutatall,\"shesaidbitterly。\"AssoonasIhadgoneintoitIbegantobeafraid。PerhapsIknewtoomuchbeforeandthenperhapsIfoundouttoomuchduringmyfirstnightwithhim。Idon\'tremember。

  \"WhatafoolIwas。Whenfathergavemethemoneyandtriedtotalkmeoutofthethoughtofmarriage,Iwouldnotlisten。IthoughtofwhatthegirlswhoweremarriedhadsaidofitandIwantedmarriagealso。Itwasn\'tTomIwanted,itwasmar-

  riage。WhenfatherwenttosleepIleanedoutofthewindowandthoughtofthelifeIhadled。Ididn\'twanttobeabadwoman。Thetownwasfullofsto-

  riesaboutme。IevenbegantobeafraidTomwouldchangehismind。\"

  Thewoman\'svoicebegantoquiverwithexcite-

  ment。ToDoctorReefy,whowithoutrealizingwhatwashappeninghadbeguntoloveher,therecameanoddillusion。Hethoughtthatasshetalkedthewoman\'sbodywaschanging,thatshewasbecom-

  ingyounger,straighter,stronger。Whenhecouldnotshakeofftheillusionhismindgaveitaprofes-

  sionaltwist。\"Itisgoodforbothherbodyandhermind,thistalking,\"hemuttered。

  Thewomanbegantellingofanincidentthathadhappenedoneafternoonafewmonthsafterhermarriage。Hervoicebecamesteadier。\"InthelateafternoonIwentforadrivealone,\"shesaid。\"IhadabuggyandalittlegreyponyIkeptinMoyer\'sLivery。Tomwaspaintingandrepaperingroomsinthehotel。HewantedmoneyandIwastryingtomakeupmymindtotellhimabouttheeighthun-

  dreddollarsfatherhadgiventome。Icouldn\'tde-

  cidetodoit。Ididn\'tlikehimwellenough。Therewasalwayspaintonhishandsandfaceduringthosedaysandhesmelledofpaint。Hewastryingtofixuptheoldhotel,andmakeitnewandsmart。\"

  Theexcitedwomansatupverystraightinherchairandmadeaquickgirlishmovementwithherhandasshetoldofthedrivealoneonthespringafternoon。\"Itwascloudyandastormthreatened,\"

  shesaid。\"Blackcloudsmadethegreenofthetreesandthegrassstandoutsothatthecolorshurtmyeyes。IwentoutTrunionPikeamileormoreandthenturnedintoasideroad。Thelittlehorsewentquicklyalonguphillanddown。Iwasimpatient。

  ThoughtscameandIwantedtogetawayfrommythoughts。Ibegantobeatthehorse。Theblackcloudssettleddownanditbegantorain。Iwantedtogoataterriblespeed,todriveonandonforever。I

  wantedtogetoutoftown,outofmyclothes,outofmymarriage,outofmybody,outofeverything。

  Ialmostkilledthehorse,makinghimrun,andwhenhecouldnotrunanymoreIgotoutofthebuggyandranafootintothedarknessuntilIfellandhurtmyside。IwantedtorunawayfromeverythingbutIwantedtoruntowardssomethingtoo。Don\'tyousee,dear,howitwas?\"

  Elizabethsprangoutofthechairandbegantowalkaboutintheoffice。ShewalkedasDoctorReefythoughthehadneverseenanyonewalkbefore。Toherwholebodytherewasaswing,arhythmthatintoxicatedhim。Whenshecameandkneltonthefloorbesidehischairhetookherintohisarmsandbegantokissherpassionately。\"Icriedallthewayhome,\"shesaid,asshetriedtocontinuethestoryofherwildride,buthedidnotlisten。\"Youdear!

  Youlovelydear!Ohyoulovelydear!\"hemutteredandthoughtheheldinhisarmsnotthetired-outwomanofforty-onebutalovelyandinnocentgirlwhohadbeenablebysomemiracletoprojecther-

  selfoutofthehuskofthebodyofthetired-outwoman。

  DoctorReefydidnotseethewomanhehadheldinhisarmsagainuntilafterherdeath。Onthesum-

  merafternoonintheofficewhenhewasonthepointofbecomingherloverahalfgrotesquelittleincidentbroughthislove-makingquicklytoanend。

  Asthemanandwomanheldeachothertightlyheavyfeetcametrampinguptheofficestairs。Thetwosprangtotheirfeetandstoodlisteningandtrembling。ThenoiseonthestairswasmadebyaclerkfromtheParisDryGoodsCompany。Withaloudbanghethrewanemptyboxonthepileofrubbishinthehallwayandthenwentheavilydownthestairs。Elizabethfollowedhimalmostimmedi-

  ately。Thethingthathadcometolifeinherasshetalkedtoheronefrienddiedsuddenly。Shewashysterical,aswasalsoDoctorReefy,anddidnotwanttocontinuethetalk。Alongthestreetshewentwiththebloodstillsinginginherbody,butwhensheturnedoutofMainStreetandsawaheadthelightsoftheNewWillardHouse,shebegantotrem-

  bleandherkneesshooksothatforamomentshethoughtshewouldfallinthestreet。

  Thesickwomanspentthelastfewmonthsofherlifehungeringfordeath。Alongtheroadofdeathshewent,seeking,hungering。Shepersonifiedthefigureofdeathandmadehimnowastrongblack-

  hairedyouthrunningoverhills,nowastemquietmanmarkedandscarredbythebusinessofliving。

  Inthedarknessofherroomsheputoutherhand,thrustingitfromunderthecoversofherbed,andshethoughtthatdeathlikealivingthingputouthishandtoher。\"Bepatient,lover,\"shewhispered。

  \"Keepyourselfyoungandbeautifulandbepatient。\"

  OntheeveningwhendiseaselaiditsheavyhanduponheranddefeatedherplansfortellinghersonGeorgeoftheeighthundreddollarshiddenaway,shegotoutofbedandcrepthalfacrosstheroompleadingwithdeathforanotherhouroflife。\"Wait,dear!Theboy!Theboy!Theboy!\"shepleadedasshetriedwithallofherstrengthtofightoffthearmsofthelovershehadwantedsoearnestly。

  ElizabethdiedonedayinMarchintheyearwhenhersonGeorgebecameeighteen,andtheyoungmanhadbutlittlesenseofthemeaningofherdeath。Onlytimecouldgivehimthat。Foramonthhehadseenherlyingwhiteandstillandspeechlessinherbed,andthenoneafternoonthedoctorstoppedhiminthehallwayandsaidafewwords。

  Theyoungmanwentintohisownroomandclosedthedoor。Hehadaqueeremptyfeelingintheregionofhisstomach。Foramomenthesatstar-

  ingat,thefloorandthenjumpingupwentforawalk。Alongthestationplatformhewent,andaroundthroughresidencestreetspastthehigh-

  schoolbuilding,thinkingalmostentirelyofhisownaffairs。Thenotionofdeathcouldnotgetholdofhimandhewasinfactalittleannoyedthathismotherhaddiedonthatday。HehadjustreceivedanotefromHelenWhite,thedaughterofthetownbanker,inanswertoonefromhim。\"TonightIcouldhavegonetoseeherandnowitwillhavetobeputoff,\"hethoughthalfangrily。

  ElizabethdiedonaFridayafternoonatthreeo\'clock。Ithadbeencoldandrainyinthemorningbutintheafternoonthesuncameout。Beforeshediedshelayparalyzedforsixdaysunabletospeakormoveandwithonlyhermindandhereyesalive。

  Forthreeofthesixdaysshestruggled,thinkingofherboy,tryingtosaysomefewwordsinregardtohisfuture,andinhereyestherewasanappealsotouchingthatallwhosawitkeptthememoryofthedyingwomanintheirmindsforyears。EvenTomWillard,whohadalwayshalfresentedhiswife,for-

  gothisresentmentandthetearsranoutofhiseyesandlodgedinhismustache。ThemustachehadbeguntoturngreyandTomcoloreditwithdye。

  Therewasoilinthepreparationheusedforthepurposeandthetears,catchinginthemustacheandbeingbrushedawaybyhishand,formedafinemist-

  likevapor。InhisgriefTomWillard\'sfacelookedlikethefaceofalittledogthathasbeenoutalongtimeinbitterweather。

  GeorgecamehomealongMainStreetatdarkonthedayofhismother\'sdeathand,aftergoingtohisownroomtobrushhishairandclothes,wentalongthehallwayandintotheroomwherethebodylay。

  TherewasacandleonthedressingtablebythedoorandDoctorReefysatinachairbythebed。Thedoctoraroseandstartedtogoout。Heputouthishandasthoughtogreettheyoungermanandthenawkwardlydrewitbackagain。Theairoftheroomwasheavywiththepresenceofthetwoself-

  conscioushumanbeings,andthemanhurriedaway。

  Thedeadwoman\'ssonsatdowninachairandlookedatthefloor。Heagainthoughtofhisownaffairsanddefinitelydecidedhewouldmakeachangeinhisfife,thathewouldleaveWinesburg。

  \"Iwillgotosomecity。PerhapsIcangetajobonsomenewspaper,\"hethought,andthenhismindturnedtothegirlwithwhomhewastohavespentthiseveningandagainhewashalfangryattheturnofeventsthathadpreventedhisgoingtoher。

  Inthedimlylightedroomwiththedeadwomantheyoungmanbegantohavethoughts。Hismindplayedwiththoughtsoflifeashismother\'smindhadplayedwiththethoughtofdeath。HeclosedhiseyesandimaginedthattheredyounglipsofHelenWhitetouchedhisownlips。Hisbodytrembledandhishandsshook。Andthensomethinghappened。

  Theboysprangtohisfeetandstoodstiffly。Helookedatthefigureofthedeadwomanunderthesheetsandshameforhisthoughtssweptoverhimsothathebegantoweep。Anewnotioncameintohismindandheturnedandlookedguiltilyaboutasthoughafraidhewouldbeobserved。

  GeorgeWillardbecamepossessedofamadnesstoliftthesheetfromthebodyofhismotherandlookatherface。Thethoughtthathadcomeintohismindgrippedhimterribly。Hebecameconvincedthatnothismotherbutsomeoneelselayinthebedbeforehim。Theconvictionwassorealthatitwasalmostunbearable。Thebodyunderthesheetswaslongandindeathlookedyoungandgraceful。Totheboy,heldbysomestrangefancy,itwasunspeakablylovely。Thefeelingthatthebodybeforehimwasalive,thatinanothermomentalovelywomanwouldspringoutofthebedandconfronthim,be-

  camesooverpoweringthathecouldnotbearthesuspense。Againandagainheputouthishand。

  Oncehetouchedandhalfliftedthewhitesheetthatcoveredher,buthiscouragefailedandhe,likeDoc-

  torReefy,turnedandwentoutoftheroom。Inthehallwayoutsidethedoorhestoppedandtrembledsothathehadtoputahandagainstthewalltosupporthimself。\"That\'snotmymother。That\'snotmymotherinthere,\"hewhisperedtohimselfandagainhisbodyshookwithfrightanduncertainty。

  WhenAuntElizabethSwift,whohadcometowatchoverthebody,cameoutofanadjoiningroomheputhishandintohersandbegantosob,shakinghisheadfromsidetoside,halfblindwithgrief。\"Mymotherisdead,\"hesaid,andthenforgettingthewomanheturnedandstaredatthedoorthroughwhichhehadjustcome。\"Thedear,thedear,ohthelovelydear,\"theboy,urgedbysomeimpulseoutsidehimself,mutteredaloud。

  AsfortheeighthundreddollarsthedeadwomanhadkepthiddensolongandthatwastogiveGeorgeWillardhisstartinthecity,itlayinthetinboxbehindtheplasterbythefootofhismother\'sbed。Elizabethhadputitthereaweekafterhermar-

  riage,breakingtheplasterawaywithastick。Thenshegotoneoftheworkmenherhusbandwasatthattimeemployingaboutthehoteltomendthewall。\"Ijammedthecornerofthebedagainstit,\"

  shehadexplainedtoherhusband,unableatthemomenttogiveupherdreamofrelease,thereleasethatafterallcametoherbuttwiceinherlife,inthemomentswhenherloversDeathandDoctorReefyheldherintheirarms。

  SOPHISTICATION

  ITWASEARLYeveningofadayin,thelatefallandtheWinesburgCountyFairhadbroughtcrowdsofcountrypeopleintotown。Thedayhadbeenclearandthenightcameonwarmandpleasant。OntheTrunionPike,wheretheroadafteritlefttownstretchedawaybetweenberryfieldsnowcoveredwithdrybrownleaves,thedustfrompassingwag-

  onsaroseinclouds。Children,curledintolittleballs,sleptonthestrawscatteredonwagonbeds。Theirhairwasfullofdustandtheirfingersblackandsticky。Thedustrolledawayoverthefieldsandthedepartingsunsetitablazewithcolors。

  InthemainstreetofWinesburgcrowdsfilledthestoresandthesidewalks。Nightcameon,horseswhinnied,theclerksinthestoresranmadlyabout,childrenbecamelostandcriedlustily,anAmericantownworkedterriblyatthetaskofamusingitself。

  PushinghiswaythroughthecrowdsinMainStreet,youngGeorgeWillardconcealedhimselfinthestairwayleadingtoDoctorReefy\'sofficeandlookedatthepeople。Withfeverisheyeshewatchedthefacesdriftingpastunderthestorelights。

  Thoughtskeptcomingintohisheadandhedidnotwanttothink。Hestampedimpatientlyonthewoodenstepsandlookedsharplyabout。\"Well,isshegoingtostaywithhimallday?HaveIdoneallthiswaitingfornothing?\"hemuttered。

  GeorgeWillard,theOhiovillageboy,wasfastgrowingintomanhoodandnewthoughtshadbeencomingintohismind。Allthatday,amidthejamofpeopleattheFair,hehadgoneaboutfeelinglonely。

  HewasabouttoleaveWinesburgtogoawaytosomecitywherehehopedtogetworkonacitynewspaperandhefeltgrownup。Themoodthathadtakenpossessionofhimwasathingknowntomenandunknowntoboys。Hefeltoldandalittletired。Memoriesawokeinhim。Tohismindhisnewsenseofmaturitysethimapart,madeofhimahalf-

  tragicfigure。Hewantedsomeonetounderstandthefeelingthathadtakenpossessionofhimafterhismother\'sdeath。

  Thereisatimeinthelifeofeveryboywhenheforthefirsttimetakesthebackwardviewoflife。

  Perhapsthatisthemomentwhenhecrossesthelineintomanhood。Theboyiswalkingthroughthestreetofhistown。Heisthinkingofthefutureandofthefigurehewillcutintheworld。Ambitionsandre-

  gretsawakewithinhim。Suddenlysomethinghap-

  pens;hestopsunderatreeandwaitsasforavoicecallinghisname。Ghostsofoldthingscreepintohisconsciousness;thevoicesoutsideofhimselfwhisperamessageconcerningthelimitationsoflife。Frombeingquitesureofhimselfandhisfuturehebe-

  comesnotatallsure。Ifhebeanimaginativeboyadooristomopenandforthefirsttimehelooksoutupontheworld,seeing,asthoughtheymarchedinprocessionbeforehim,thecountlessfiguresofmenwhobeforehistimehavecomeoutofnothingnessintotheworld,livedtheirlivesandagaindisap-

  pearedintonothingness。Thesadnessofsophistica-

  tionhascometotheboy。Withalittlegaspheseeshimselfasmerelyaleafblownbythewindthroughthestreetsofhisvillage。Heknowsthatinspiteofallthestouttalkofhisfellowshemustliveanddieinuncertainty,athingblownbythewinds,athingdestinedlikecorntowiltinthesun。Heshiversandlookseagerlyabout。Theeighteenyearshehaslivedseembutamoment,abreathingspaceinthelongmarchofhumanity。Alreadyhehearsdeathcalling。

  Withallhishearthewantstocomeclosetosomeotherhuman,touchsomeonewithhishands,betouchedbythehandofanother。Ifheprefersthattheotherbeawoman,thatisbecausehebelievesthatawomanwillbegentle,thatshewillunder-

  stand。Hewants,mostofall,understanding。

  WhenthemomentofsophisticationcametoGeorgeWillardhismindturnedtoHelenWhite,theWines-

  burgbanker\'sdaughter。Alwayshehadbeencon-

  sciousofthegirlgrowingintowomanhoodashegrewintomanhood。Onceonasummernightwhenhewaseighteen,hehadwalkedwithheronacoun-

  tryroadandinherpresencehadgivenwaytoanimpulsetoboast,tomakehimselfappearbigandsignificantinhereyes。Nowhewantedtoseeherforanotherpurpose。Hewantedtotellherofthenewimpulsesthathadcometohim。Hehadtriedtomakeherthinkofhimasamanwhenheknewnothingofmanhoodandnowhewantedtobewithherandtotrytomakeherfeelthechangehebe-

  lievedhadtakenplaceinhisnature。

  AsforHelenWhite,shealsohadcometoaperiodofchange。WhatGeorgefelt,sheinheryoungwom-

  an\'swayfeltalso。Shewasnolongeragirlandhungeredtoreachintothegraceandbeautyofwomanhood。ShehadcomehomefromCleveland,whereshewasattendingcollege,tospendadayattheFair。Shealsohadbeguntohavememories。Dur-

  ingthedayshesatinthegrand-standwithayoungman,oneoftheinstructorsfromthecollege,whowasaguestofhermother\'s。Theyoungmanwasofapedanticturnofmindandshefeltatoncehewouldnotdoforherpurpose。AttheFairshewasgladtobeseeninhiscompanyashewaswelldressedandastranger。Sheknewthatthefactofhispresencewouldcreateanimpression。Duringthedayshewashappy,butwhennightcameonshebegantogrowrestless。Shewantedtodrivethein-

  structoraway,togetoutofhispresence。Whiletheysattogetherinthegrand-standandwhiletheeyesofformerschoolmateswereuponthem,shepaidsomuchattentiontoherescortthathegrewinterested。

  \"Ascholarneedsmoney。Ishouldmarryawomanwithmoney,\"hemused。

  HelenWhitewasthinkingofGeorgeWillardevenashewanderedgloomilythroughthecrowdsthink-

  ingofher。Sherememberedthesummereveningwhentheyhadwalkedtogetherandwantedtowalkwithhimagain。Shethoughtthatthemonthsshehadspentinthecity,thegoingtotheatersandtheseeingofgreatcrowdswanderinginlightedthor-

  oughfares,hadchangedherprofoundly。Shewantedhimtofeelandbeconsciousofthechangeinhernature。

  Thesummereveningtogetherthathadleftitsmarkonthememoryofboththeyoungmanandwomanhad,whenlookedatquitesensibly,beenratherstupidlyspent。Theyhadwalkedoutoftownalongacountryroad。ThentheyhadstoppedbyafencenearafieldofyoungcornandGeorgehadtakenoffhiscoatandletithangonhisarm。\"Well,I\'vestayedhereinWinesburg——yes——I\'venotyetgoneawaybutI\'mgrowingup,\"hehadsaid。\"I\'vebeenreadingbooksandI\'vebeenthinking。I\'mgoingtotrytoamounttosomethinginlife。

  \"Well,\"heexplained,\"thatisn\'tthepoint。Per-

  hapsI\'dbetterquittalking。\"

  Theconfusedboyputhishandonthegirl\'sarm。

  Hisvoicetrembled。Thetwostartedtowalkbackalongtheroadtowardtown。InhisdesperationGeorgeboasted,\"I\'mgoingtobeabigman,thebiggestthateverlivedhereinWinesburg,\"hede-

  clared。\"Iwantyoutodosomething,Idon\'tknowwhat。Perhapsitisnoneofmybusiness。Iwantyoutotrytobedifferentfromotherwomen。Youseethepoint。It\'snoneofmybusinessItellyou。Iwantyoutobeabeautifulwoman。YouseewhatIwant。\"

  Theboy\'svoicefailedandinsilencethetwocamebackintotownandwentalongthestreettoHelenWhite\'shouse。Atthegatehetriedtosaysomethingimpressive。Speecheshehadthoughtoutcameintohishead,buttheyseemedutterlypointless。\"I

  thought——Iusedtothink——IhaditinmymindyouwouldmarrySethRichmond。NowIknowyouwon\'t,\"wasallhecouldfindtosayasshewentthroughthegateandtowardthedoorofherhouse。

  Onthewarmfalleveningashestoodinthestair-

  wayandlookedatthecrowddriftingthroughMainStreet,Georgethoughtofthetalkbesidethefieldofyoungcornandwasashamedofthefigurehehadmadeofhimself。Inthestreetthepeoplesurgedupanddownlikecattleconfinedinapen。Buggiesandwagonsalmostfilledthenarrowthoroughfare。A

  bandplayedandsmallboysracedalongtheside-

  walk,divingbetweenthelegsofmen。Youngmenwithshiningredfaceswalkedawkwardlyaboutwithgirlsontheirarms。Inaroomaboveoneofthestores,whereadancewastobeheld,thefiddlerstunedtheirinstruments。Thebrokensoundsfloateddownthroughanopenwindowandoutacrossthemurmurofvoicesandtheloudblareofthehornsoftheband。ThemedleyofsoundsgotonyoungWillard\'snerves。Everywhere,onallsides,thesenseofcrowding,movinglifeclosedinabouthim。Hewantedtorunawaybyhimselfandthink。\"Ifshewantstostaywiththatfellowshemay。WhyshouldIcare?Whatdifferencedoesitmaketome?\"hegrowledandwentalongMainStreetandthroughHern\'sGroceryintoasidestreet。

  Georgefeltsoutterlylonelyanddejectedthathewantedtoweepbutpridemadehimwalkrapidlyalong,swinginghisarms。HecametoWesleyMoy-

  er\'sliverybarnandstoppedintheshadowstolistentoagroupofmenwhotalkedofaraceWesley\'sstallion,TonyTip,hadwonattheFairduringtheafternoon。AcrowdhadgatheredinfrontofthebarnandbeforethecrowdwalkedWesley,prancingupanddownboasting。Heheldawhipinhishandandkepttappingtheground。Littlepuffsofdustaroseinthelamplight。\"Hell,quityourtalking,\"

  Wesleyexclaimed。\"Iwasn\'tafraid,IknewIhad\'embeatallthetime。Iwasn\'tafraid。\"

  OrdinarilyGeorgeWillardwouldhavebeenin-

  tenselyinterestedintheboastingofMoyer,thehorseman。Nowitmadehimangry。Heturnedandhurriedawayalongthestreet。\"Oldwindbag,\"hesputtered。\"Whydoeshewanttobebragging?Whydon\'theshutup?\"

  Georgewentintoavacantlotand,ashehurriedalong,felloverapileofrubbish。Anailprotrudingfromanemptybarreltorehistrousers。Hesatdownonthegroundandswore。Withapinhemendedthetornplaceandthenaroseandwenton。\"I\'llgotoHelenWhite\'shouse,that\'swhatI\'lldo。I\'llwalkrightin。I\'llsaythatIwanttoseeher。I\'llwalkrightinandsitdown,that\'swhatI\'lldo,\"hedeclared,climbingoverafenceandbeginningtorun。

  OntheverandaofBankerWhite\'shouseHelenwasrestlessanddistraught。Theinstructorsatbe-

  tweenthemotheranddaughter。Histalkweariedthegirl。AlthoughhehadalsobeenraisedinanOhiotown,theinstructorbegantoputontheairsofthecity。Hewantedtoappearcosmopolitan。\"I

  likethechanceyouhavegivenmetostudytheback-

  groundoutofwhichmostofourgirlscome,\"hedeclared。\"Itwasgoodofyou,Mrs。White,tohavemedownfortheday。\"HeturnedtoHelenandlaughed。\"Yourlifeisstillboundupwiththelifeofthistown?\"heasked。\"Therearepeoplehereinwhomyouareinterested?\"Tothegirlhisvoicesoundedpompousandheavy。

  Helenaroseandwentintothehouse。Atthedoorleadingtoagardenatthebackshestoppedandstoodlistening。Hermotherbegantotalk。\"ThereisnooneherefittoassociatewithagirlofHelen\'sbreeding,\"shesaid。

  Helenrandownaflightofstairsatthebackofthehouseandintothegarden。Inthedarknessshestoppedandstoodtrembling。Itseemedtoherthattheworldwasfullofmeaninglesspeoplesayingwords。Afirewitheagernesssheranthroughagar-

  dengateand,turningacornerbythebanker\'sbarn,wentintoalittlesidestreet。\"George!Whereareyou,George?\"shecried,filledwithnervousexcite-

  ment。Shestoppedrunning,andleanedagainstatreetolaughhysterically。AlongthedarklittlestreetcameGeorgeWillard,stillsayingwords。\"I\'mgoingtowalkrightintoherhouse。I\'llgorightinandsitdown,\"hedeclaredashecameuptoher。Hestoppedandstaredstupidly。\"Comeon,\"hesaidandtookholdofherhand。Withhangingheadstheywalkedawayalongthestreetunderthetrees。Dryleavesrustledunderfoot。NowthathehadfoundherGeorgewonderedwhathehadbetterdoandsay。

  AttheupperendoftheFairGround,inWines-

  burg,thereisahalfdecayedoldgrand-stand。Ithasneverbeenpaintedandtheboardsareallwarpedoutofshape。TheFairGroundstandsontopofalowhillrisingoutofthevalleyofWineCreekandfromthegrand-standonecanseeatnight,overacornfield,thelightsofthetownreflectedagainstthesky。

  GeorgeandHelenclimbedthehilltotheFairGround,comingbythepathpastWaterworksPond。

  ThefeelingoflonelinessandisolationthathadcometotheyoungmaninthecrowdedstreetsofhistownwasbothbrokenandintensifiedbythepresenceofHelen。Whathefeltwasreflectedinher。

  Inyouththerearealwaystwoforcesfightinginpeople。Thewarmunthinkinglittleanimalstrugglesagainstthethingthatreflectsandremembers,andtheolder,themoresophisticatedthinghadposses-

  sionofGeorgeWillard。Sensinghismood,Helenwalkedbesidehimfilledwithrespect。Whentheygottothegrand-standtheyclimbedupundertheroofandsatdownononeofthelongbench-likeseats。

  ThereissomethingmemorableintheexperiencetobehadbygoingintoafairgroundthatstandsattheedgeofaMiddleWesterntownonanightaftertheannualfairhasbeenheld。Thesensationisonenevertobeforgotten。Onallsidesareghosts,notofthedead,butoflivingpeople。Here,duringthedayjustpassed,havecomethepeoplepouringinfromthetownandthecountryaround。Farmerswiththeirwivesandchildrenandallthepeoplefromthehundredsoflittleframehouseshavegath-

  eredwithintheseboardwalls。Younggirlshavelaughedandmenwithbeardshavetalkedoftheaffairsoftheirlives。Theplacehasbeenfilledtooverflowingwithlife。Ithasitchedandsquirmedwithlifeandnowitisnightandthelifehasallgoneaway。Thesilenceisalmostterrifying。Oneconcealsoneselfstandingsilentlybesidethetrunkofatreeandwhatthereisofareflectivetendencyinhisna-

  tureisintensified。Oneshuddersatthethoughtofthemeaninglessnessoflifewhileatthesamein-

  stant,andifthepeopleofthetownarehispeople,oneloveslifesointenselythattearscomeintotheeyes。

  Inthedarknessundertheroofofthegrand-stand,GeorgeWillardsatbesideHelenWhiteandfeltverykeenlyhisowninsignificanceintheschemeofexis-

  tence。Nowthathehadcomeoutoftownwherethepresenceofthepeoplestirringabout,busywithamultitudeofaffairs,hadbeensoirritating,theirritationwasallgone。ThepresenceofHelenre-

  newedandrefreshedhim。Itwasasthoughherwoman\'shandwasassistinghimtomakesomemi-

  nutereadjustmentofthemachineryofhislife。Hebegantothinkofthepeopleinthetownwherehehadalwayslivedwithsomethinglikereverence。

  HehadreverenceforHelen。Hewantedtoloveandtobelovedbyher,buthedidnotwantatthemo-

  menttobeconfusedbyherwomanhood。Inthedarknesshetookholdofherhandandwhenshecreptcloseputahandonhershoulder。Awindbegantoblowandheshivered。Withallhisstrengthhetriedtoholdandtounderstandthemoodthathadcomeuponhim。Inthathighplaceinthedark-

  nessthetwooddlysensitivehumanatomsheldeachothertightlyandwaited。Inthemindofeachwasthesamethought。\"Ihavecometothislonelyplaceandhereisthisother,\"wasthesubstanceofthethingfelt。

  InWinesburgthecrowdeddayhadrunitselfoutintothelongnightofthelatefall。Farmhorsesjoggedawayalonglonelycountryroadspullingtheirportionofwearypeople。Clerksbegantobringsam-

  plesofgoodsinoffthesidewalksandlockthedoorsofstores。IntheOperaHouseacrowdhadgatheredtoseeashowandfurtherdownMainStreetthefiddlers,theirinstrumentstuned,sweatedandworkedtokeepthefeetofyouthflyingoveradancefloor。

  Inthedarknessinthegrand-standHelenWhiteandGeorgeWillardremainedsilent。Nowandthenthespellthatheldthemwasbrokenandtheyturnedandtriedinthedimlighttoseeintoeachother\'seyes。Theykissedbutthatimpulsedidnotlast。AttheupperendoftheFairGroundahalfdozenmenworkedoverhorsesthathadracedduringtheafter-

  noon。Themenhadbuiltafireandwereheatingkettlesofwater。Onlytheirlegscouldbeseenastheypassedbackandforthinthelight。Whenthewindblewthelittleflamesofthefiredancedcrazilyabout。

  GeorgeandHelenaroseandwalkedawayintothedarkness。Theywentalongapathpastafieldofcornthathadnotyetbeencut。Thewindwhisperedamongthedrycornblades。Foramomentduringthewalkbackintotownthespellthatheldthemwasbroken。WhentheyhadcometothecrestofWaterworksHilltheystoppedbyatreeandGeorgeagainputhishandsonthegirl\'sshoulders。Sheem-

  bracedhimeagerlyandthenagaintheydrewquicklybackfromthatimpulse。Theystoppedkiss-

  ingandstoodalittleapart。Mutualrespectgrewbiginthem。Theywerebothembarrassedandtorelievetheirembarrassmentdroppedintotheanimalismofyouth。Theylaughedandbegantopullandhaulateachother。Insomewaychastenedandpurifiedbythemoodtheyhadbeenin,theybecame,notmanandwoman,notboyandgirl,butexcitedlittleanimals。

  Itwassotheywentdownthehill。Inthedarknesstheyplayedliketwosplendidyoungthingsinayoungworld。Once,runningswiftlyforward,HelentrippedGeorgeandhefell。Hesquirmedandshouted。

  Shakingwithlaughter,heroileddownthehill。

  Helenranafterhim。Forjustamomentshestoppedinthedarkness。Therewasnowayofknowingwhatwoman\'sthoughtswentthroughhermindbut,whenthebottomofthehillwasreachedandshecameuptotheboy,shetookhisarmandwalkedbesidehimindignifiedsilence。Forsomereasontheycouldnothaveexplainedtheyhadbothgotfromtheirsilenteveningtogetherthethingneeded。

  Manorboy,womanorgirl,theyhadforamomenttakenholdofthethingthatmakesthematurelifeofmenandwomeninthemodernworldpossible。

  DEPARTURE

  YOUNGGEORGEWILLARDgotoutofbedatfourinthemorning。ItwasAprilandtheyoungtreeleaveswerejustcomingoutoftheirbuds。ThetreesalongtheresidencestreetsinWinesburgaremapleandtheseedsarewinged。Whenthewindblowstheywhirlcrazilyabout,fillingtheairandmakingacar-

  petunderfoot。

  Georgecamedownstairsintothehotelofficecar-

  ryingabrownleatherbag。Histrunkwaspackedfordeparture。Sincetwoo\'clockhehadbeenawakethinkingofthejourneyhewasabouttotakeandwonderingwhathewouldfindattheendofhisjourney。Theboywhosleptinthehotelofficelayonacotbythedoor。Hismouthwasopenandhesnoredlustily。Georgecreptpastthecotandwentoutintothesilentdesertedmainstreet。Theeastwaspinkwiththedawnandlongstreaksoflightclimbedintotheskywhereafewstarsstillshone。

  BeyondthelasthouseonTrunionPikeinWines-

  burgthereisagreatstretchofopenfields。ThefieldsareownedbyfarmerswholiveintownanddrivehomewardateveningalongTrunionPikeinlightcreakingwagons。Inthefieldsareplantedberriesandsmallfruits。Inthelateafternooninthehotsummerswhentheroadandthefieldsarecoveredwithdust,asmokyhazeliesoverthegreatflatbasinofland。Tolookacrossitislikelookingoutacrossthesea。Inthespringwhenthelandisgreentheeffectissomewhatdifferent。Thelandbecomesawidegreenbilliardtableonwhichtinyhumanin-

  sectstoilupanddown。

  AllthroughhisboyhoodandyoungmanhoodGeorgeWillardhadbeeninthehabitofwalkingonTrunionPike。Hehadbeeninthemidstofthegreatopenplaceonwinternightswhenitwascoveredwithsnowandonlythemoonlookeddownathim;

  hehadbeenthereinthefallwhenbleakwindsblewandonsummereveningswhentheairvibratedwiththesongofinsects。OntheAprilmorninghewantedtogothereagain,towalkagaininthesilence。Hedidwalktowheretheroaddippeddownbyalittlestreamtwomilesfromtownandthenturnedandwalkedsilentlybackagain。WhenhegottoMainStreetclerksweresweepingthesidewalksbeforethestores。\"Hey,youGeorge。Howdoesitfeeltobegoingaway?\"theyasked。

  ThewestboundtrainleavesWinesburgatsevenforty-fiveinthemorning。TomLittleisconductor。

  HistrainrunsfromClevelandtowhereitconnectswithagreattrunklinerailroadwithterminalsinChicagoandNewYork。Tomhaswhatinrailroadcirclesiscalledan\"easyrun。\"Everyeveninghereturnstohisfamily。InthefallandspringhespendshisSundaysfishinginLakeErie。Hehasaroundredfaceandsmallblueeyes。Heknowsthepeopleinthetownsalonghisrailroadbetterthanacitymanknowsthepeoplewholiveinhisapart-

  mentbuilding。

  GeorgecamedownthelittleinclinefromtheNewWillardHouseatseveno\'clock。TomWillardcarriedhisbag。Thesonhadbecometallerthanthefather。

  Onthestationplatformeveryoneshooktheyoungman\'shand。Morethanadozenpeoplewaitedabout。Thentheytalkedoftheirownaffairs。EvenWillHenderson,whowaslazyandoftensleptuntilnine,hadgotoutofbed。Georgewasembarrassed。

  GertrudeWilmot,atallthinwomanoffiftywhoworkedintheWinesburgpostoffice,camealongthestationplatform。ShehadneverbeforepaidanyattentiontoGeorge。Nowshestoppedandputoutherhand。Intwowordsshevoicedwhateveryonefelt。\"Goodluck,\"shesaidsharplyandthenturningwentonherway。

  WhenthetraincameintothestationGeorgefeltrelieved。Hescamperedhurriedlyaboard。HelenWhitecamerunningalongMainStreethopingtohaveapartingwordwithhim,buthehadfoundaseatanddidnotseeher。WhenthetrainstartedTomLittlepunchedhisticket,grinnedand,althoughheknewGeorgewellandknewonwhatadventurehewasjustsettingout,madenocomment。TomhadseenathousandGeorgeWillardsgooutoftheirtownstothecity。Itwasacommonplaceenoughincidentwithhim。InthesmokingcartherewasamanwhohadjustinvitedTomtogoonafishingtriptoSanduskyBay。Hewantedtoaccepttheinvi-

  tationandtalkoverdetails。

  Georgeglancedupanddownthecartobesurenoonewaslooking,thentookouthispocketbookandcountedhismoney。Hismindwasoccupiedwithadesirenottoappeargreen。Almostthelastwordshisfatherhadsaidtohimconcernedthemat-

  terofhisbehaviorwhenhegottothecity。\"Beasharpone,\"TomWillardhadsaid。\"Keepyoureyesonyourmoney。Beawake。That\'stheticket。Don\'tletanyonethinkyou\'reagreenhorn。\"

  AfterGeorgecountedhismoneyhelookedoutofthewindowandwassurprisedtoseethatthetrainwasstillinWinesburg。

  Theyoungman,goingoutofhistowntomeettheadventureoflife,begantothinkbuthedidnotthinkofanythingverybigordramatic。Thingslikehismother\'sdeath,hisdeparturefromWinesburg,theuncertaintyofhisfuturelifeinthecity,theseri-

  ousandlargeraspectsofhislifedidnotcomeintohismind。

  Hethoughtoflittlethings——TurkSmolletwheel-

  ingboardsthroughthemainstreetofhistowninthemorning,atallwoman,beautifullygowned,whohadoncestayedovernightathisfather\'shotel,ButchWheelerthelamplighterofWinesburghur-

  ryingthroughthestreetsonasummereveningandholdingatorchinhishand,HelenWhitestandingbyawindowintheWinesburgpostofficeandput-

  tingastamponanenvelope。

  Theyoungman\'smindwascarriedawaybyhisgrowingpassionfordreams。Onelookingathimwouldnothavethoughthimparticularlysharp。

  Withtherecollectionoflittlethingsoccupyinghismindheclosedhiseyesandleanedbackinthecarseat。HestayedthatwayforalongtimeandwhenhearousedhimselfandagainlookedoutofthecarwindowthetownofWinesburghaddisappearedandhislifetherehadbecomebutabackgroundonwhichtopaintthedreamsofhismanhood。

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