第8章
加入书架 A- A+
点击下载App,搜索"A PORTRAIT OF THE ARTIST AS A YOUNG MAN",免费读到尾

  Thesecondpainwhichwillafflictthesoulsofthedamnedinhellisthepainofconscience。Justasindeadbodieswormsareengenderedbyputrefaction,sointhesoulsofthelosttherearisesaperpetualremorsefromtheputrefactionofsin,thestingofconscience,theworm,asPopeInnocenttheThirdcallsit,ofthetriplesting。Thefirststinginflictedbythiscruelwormwillbethememoryofpastpleasures。Owhatadreadfulmemorywillthatbe!Inthelakeofall-devouringflametheproudkingwillrememberthepompsofhiscourt,thewisebutwickedmanhislibrariesandinstrumentsofresearch,theloverofartisticpleasureshismarblesandpicturesandotherarttreasures,hewhodelightedinthepleasuresofthetablehisgorgeousfeasts,hisdishespreparedwithsuchdelicacy,hischoicewines;themiserwillrememberhishoardofgold,therobberhisill-gottenwealth,theangryandrevengefulandmercilessmurdererstheirdeedsofbloodandviolenceinwhichtheyrevelled,theimpureandadulteroustheunspeakableandfilthypleasuresinwhichtheydelighted。

  Theywillrememberallthisandloathethemselvesandtheirsins。Forhowmiserablewillallthosepleasuresseemtothesoulcondemnedtosufferinhellfireforagesandages。Howtheywillrageandfumetothinkthattheyhavelosttheblissofheavenforthedrossofearth,forafewpiecesofmetal,forvainhonours,forbodilycomforts,foratinglingofthenerves。Theywillrepentindeed:andthisisthesecondstingofthewormofconscience,alateandfruitlesssorrowforsinscommitted。Divinejusticeinsiststhattheunderstandingofthosemiserablewretchesbefixedcontinuallyonthesinsofwhichtheywereguilty,andmoreover,assaintAugustinepointsout,GodwillimparttothemHisownknowledgeofsin,sothatsinwillappeartotheminallitshideousmaliceasitappearstotheeyesofGodHimself。Theywillbeholdtheirsinsinalltheirfoulnessandrepentbutitwillbetoolateandthentheywillbewailthegoodoccasionswhichtheyneglected。Thisisthelastanddeepestandmostcruelstingofthewormofconscience。Theconsciencewillsay:Youhadtimeandopportunitytorepentandwouldnot。Youwerebroughtupreligiouslybyyourparents。

  Youhadthesacramentsandgraceandindulgencesofthechurchtoaidyou。

  YouhadtheministerofGodtopreachtoyou,tocallyoubackwhenyouhadstrayed,toforgiveyouyoursins,nomatterhowmany,howabominable,ifonlyyouhadconfessedandrepented。No。Youwouldnot。Youfloutedtheministersofholyreligion,youturnedyourbackontheconfessional,youwalloweddeeperanddeeperinthemireofsin。Godappealedtoyou,threatenedyou,entreatedyoutoreturntoHim。O,whatshame,whatmisery!

  TheRuleroftheuniverseentreatedyou,acreatureofclay,toloveHimWhomadeyouandtokeepHislaw。No。Youwouldnot。Andnow,thoughyouweretofloodallhellwithyourtearsifyoucouldstillweep,allthatseaofrepentancewouldnotgainforyouwhatasingletearoftruerepentanceshedduringyourmortallifewouldhavegainedforyou。Youimplorenowamomentofearthlylifewhereintorepent:Invain。Thattimeisgone:

  goneforever——

  Suchisthethreefoldstingofconscience,theviperwhichgnawstheveryheart\'scoreofthewretchesinhell,sothatfilledwithhellishfurytheycursethemselvesfortheirfollyandcursetheevilcompanionswhohavebroughtthemtosuchruinandcursethedevilswhotemptedtheminlifeandnowmockthemineternityandevenrevileandcursetheSupremeBeingWhosegoodnessandpatiencetheyscornedandslightedbutWhosejusticeandpowertheycannotevade——

  Thenextspiritualpaintowhichthedamnedaresubjectedisthepainofextension。Man,inthisearthlylife,thoughhebecapableofmanyevils,isnotcapableofthemallatonce,inasmuchasoneevilcorrectsandcounteractsanotherjustasonepoisonfrequentlycorrectsanother。

  Inhell,onthecontrary,onetorment,insteadofcounteractinganother,lendsitstillgreaterforce:and,moreover,astheinternalfacultiesaremoreperfectthantheexternalsenses,soaretheymorecapableofsuffering。Justaseverysenseisafflictedwithafittingtorment,soiseveryspiritualfaculty;thefancywithhorribleimages,thesensitivefacultywithalternatelongingandrage,themindandunderstandingwithaninteriordarknessmoreterribleeventhantheexteriordarknesswhichreignsinthatdreadfulprison。Themalice,impotentthoughitbe,whichpossessesthesedemonsoulsisanevilofboundlessextension,oflimitlessduration,afrightfulstateofwickednesswhichwecanscarcelyrealizeunlesswebearinmindtheenormityofsinandthehatredGodbearstoit——

  Opposedtothispainofextensionandyetcoexistentwithitwehavethepainofintensity。Hellisthecentreofevilsand,asyouknow,thingsaremoreintenseattheircentresthanattheirremotestpoints。Therearenocontrariesoradmixturesofanykindtotemperorsoftenintheleastthepainsofhell。Nay,thingswhicharegoodinthemselvesbecomeevilinhell。Company,elsewhereasourceofcomforttotheafflicted,willbethereacontinualtorment:knowledge,somuchlongedforasthechiefgoodoftheintellect,willtherebehatedworsethanignorance:

  light,somuchcovetedbyallcreaturesfromthelordofcreationdowntothehumblestplantintheforest,willbeloathedintensely。Inthislifeoursorrowsareeithernotverylongornotverygreatbecausenatureeitherovercomesthembyhabitsorputsanendtothembysinkingundertheirweight。Butinhellthetormentscannotbeovercomebyhabit,forwhiletheyareofterribleintensitytheyareatthesametimeofcontinualvariety,eachpain,sotospeak,takingfirefromanotherandre-endowingthatwhichhasenkindleditwithastillfiercerflame。Norcannatureescapefromtheseintenseandvarioustorturesbysuccumbingtothemforthesoulissustainedandmaintainedinevilsothatitssufferingmaybethegreater。Boundlessextensionoftorment,incredibleintensityofsuffering,unceasingvarietyoftorture-thisiswhatthedivinemajesty,sooutragedbysinners,demands;thisiswhattheholinessofheaven,slightedandsetasideforthelustfulandlowpleasuresofthecorruptflesh,requires;

  thisiswhatthebloodoftheinnocentLambofGod,shedfortheredemptionofsinners,trampleduponbythevilestofthevile,insistsupon——

  Lastandcrowningtortureofallthetorturesofthatawfulplaceistheeternityofhell。Eternity!O,dreadanddireword。Eternity!Whatmindofmancanunderstandit?Andremember,itisaneternityofpain。

  Eventhoughthepainsofhellwerenotsoterribleastheyare,yettheywouldbecomeinfinite,astheyaredestinedtolastforever。Butwhiletheyareeverlastingtheyareatthesametime,asyouknow,intolerablyintense,unbearablyextensive。Tobeareventhestingofaninsectforalleternitywouldbeadreadfultorment。Whatmustitbe,then,tobearthemanifoldtorturesofhellforever?Forever!Foralleternity!Notforayearorforanagebutforever。Trytoimaginetheawfulmeaningofthis。Youhaveoftenseenthesandontheseashore。Howfineareitstinygrains!Andhowmanyofthosetinylittlegrainsgotomakeupthesmallhandfulwhichachildgraspsinitsplay。Nowimagineamountainofthatsand,amillionmileshigh,reachingfromtheearthtothefarthestheavens,andamillionmilesbroad,extendingtoremotestspace,andamillionmilesinthickness;andimaginesuchanenormousmassofcountlessparticlesofsandmultipliedasoftenasthereareleavesintheforest,dropsofwaterinthemightyocean,feathersonbirds,scalesonfish,hairsonanimals,atomsinthevastexpanseoftheair:andimaginethatattheendofeverymillionyearsalittlebirdcametothatmountainandcarriedawayinitsbeakatinygrainofthatsand。Howmanymillionsuponmillionsofcenturieswouldpassbeforethatbirdhadcarriedawayevenasquarefootofthatmountain,howmanyeonsuponeonsofagesbeforeithadcarriedawayall?Yetattheendofthatimmensestretchoftimenotevenoneinstantofeternitycouldbesaidtohaveended。Attheendofallthosebillionsandtrillionsofyearseternitywouldhavescarcelybegun。Andifthatmountainroseagainafterithadbeenallcarriedaway,andifthebirdcameagainandcarrieditallawayagaingrainbygrain,andifitsoroseandsankasmanytimesastherearestarsinthesky,atomsintheair,dropsofwaterinthesea,leavesonthetrees,feathersuponbirds,scalesuponfish,hairsuponanimals,attheendofallthoseinnumerablerisingsandsinkingsofthatimmeasurablyvastmountainnotonesingleinstantofeternitycouldbesaidtohaveended;eventhen,attheendofsuchaperiod,afterthateonoftimethemerethoughtofwhichmakesourverybrainreeldizzily,eternitywouldscarcelyhavebegun——

  AholysaintoneofourownfathersIbelieveitwaswasoncevouchsafedavisionofhell。Itseemedtohimthathestoodinthemidstofagreathall,darkandsilentsaveforthetickingofagreatclock。Thetickingwentonunceasingly;anditseemedtothissaintthatthesoundofthetickingwastheceaselessrepetitionofthewords-ever,never;ever,never。Evertobeinhell,nevertobeinheaven;evertobeshutofffromthepresenceofGod,nevertoenjoythebeatificvision;evertobeeatenwithflames,gnawedbyvermin,goadedwithburningspikes,nevertobefreefromthosepains;evertohavetheconscienceupbraidone,thememoryenrage,themindfilledwithdarknessanddespair,nevertoescape;evertocurseandrevilethefouldemonswhogloatfiendishlyoverthemiseryoftheirdupes,nevertobeholdtheshiningraimentoftheblessedspirits;

  evertocryoutoftheabyssoffiretoGodforaninstant,asingleinstant,ofrespitefromsuchawfulagony,nevertoreceive,evenforaninstant,God\'spardon;evertosuffer,nevertoenjoy;evertobedamned,nevertobesaved;ever,never;ever,never。O,whatadreadfulpunishment!Aneternityofendlessagony,ofendlessbodilyandspiritualtorment,withoutonerayofhope,withoutonemomentofcessation,ofagonylimitlessinintensity,oftormentinfinitelyvaried,oftorturethatsustainseternallythatwhichiteternallydevours,ofanguishthateverlastinglypreysuponthespiritwhileitrackstheflesh,aneternity,everyinstantofwhichisitselfaneternityofwoe。SuchistheterriblepunishmentdecreedforthosewhodieinmortalsinbyanalmightyandajustGod——

  Yes,ajustGod!Men,reasoningalwaysasmen,areastonishedthatGodshouldmeteoutaneverlastingandinfinitepunishmentinthefiresofhellforasinglegrievoussin。Theyreasonthusbecause,blindedbythegrossillusionofthefleshandthedarknessofhumanunderstanding,theyareunabletocomprehendthehideousmaliceofmortalsin。TheyreasonthusbecausetheyareunabletocomprehendthatevenvenialsinisofsuchafoulandhideousnaturethateveniftheomnipotentCreatorcouldendalltheevilandmiseryintheworld,thewars,thediseases,therobberies,thecrimes,thedeaths,themurders,onconditionthatheallowedasinglevenialsintopassunpunished,asinglevenialsin,alie,anangrylook,amomentofwilfulsloth,He,thegreatomnipotentGodcouldnotdosobecausesin,beitinthoughtordeed,isatransgressionofHislawandGodwouldnotbeGodifHedidnotpunishthetransgressor——

  Asin,aninstantofrebelliousprideoftheintellect,madeLuciferandathirdpartofthecohortofangelsfallfromtheirglory。Asin,aninstantoffollyandweakness,droveAdamandEveoutofEdenandbroughtdeathandsufferingintotheworld。ToretrievetheconsequencesofthatsintheOnlyBegottenSonofGodcamedowntoearth,livedandsufferedanddiedamostpainfuldeath,hangingforthreehoursonthecross——

  O,mydearlittlebrethreninChristJesus,willwethenoffendthatgoodRedeemerandprovokeHisanger?Willwetrampleagainuponthattornandmangledcorpse?Willwespituponthatfacesofullofsorrowandlove?

  Willwetoo,likethecrueljewsandthebrutalsoldiers,mockthatgentleandcompassionateSaviourWhotrodaloneforoursaketheawfulwine-pressofsorrow?EverywordofsinisawoundinHistenderside。EverysinfulactisathornpiercingHishead。Everyimpurethought,deliberatelyyieldedto,isakeenlancetransfixingthatsacredandlovingheart。No,no。Itisimpossibleforanyhumanbeingtodothatwhichoffendssodeeplythedivinemajesty,thatwhichispunishedbyaneternityofagony,thatwhichcrucifiesagaintheSonofGodandmakesamockeryofHim——

  IpraytoGodthatmypoorwordsmayhaveavailedtodaytoconfirminholinessthosewhoareinastateofgrace,tostrengthenthewavering,toleadbacktothestateofgracethepoorsoulthathasstrayedifanysuchbeamongyou。IpraytoGod,anddoyoupraywithme,thatwemayrepentofoursins。Iwillaskyounow,allofyou,torepeataftermetheactofcontrition,kneelinghereinthishumblechapelinthepresenceofGod。Heisthereinthetabernacleburningwithloveformankind,readytocomforttheafflicted。Benotafraid。Nomatterhowmanyorhowfoulthesinsifyouonlyrepentofthemtheywillbeforgivenyou。Letnoworldlyshameholdyouback。GodisstillthemercifulLordwhowishesnottheeternaldeathofthesinnerbutratherthathebeconvertedandlive——

  HecallsyoutoHim。YouareHis。Hemadeyououtofnothing。HelovedyouasonlyaGodcanlove。HisarmsareopentoreceiveyoueventhoughyouhavesinnedagainstHim。CometoHim,poorsinner,poorvainanderringsinner。Nowistheacceptabletime。Nowisthehour。

  Thepriestroseand,turningtowardsthealtar,kneltuponthestepbeforethetabernacleinthefallengloom。Hewaitedtillallinthechapelhadkneltandeveryleastnoisewasstill。Then,raisinghishead,herepeatedtheactofcontrition,phrasebyphrase,withfervour。Theboysansweredhimphrasebyphrase。Stephen,histonguecleavingtohispalate,bowedhishead,prayingwithhisheart——OmyGod!——

  OmyGod!——

  Iamheartilysorry——

  Iamheartilysorry——

  forhavingoffendedThee——

  forhavingoffendedThee——

  andIdetestmysins——

  andIdetestmysins——

  aboveeveryotherevil——

  aboveeveryotherevil——

  becausetheydispleaseThee,myGod——

  becausetheydispleaseThee,myGod——

  Whoartsodeserving——

  Whoartsodeserving——

  ofallmylove——

  ofallmylove——

  andIfirmlypurpose——

  andIfirmlypurpose——

  byThyholygrace——

  byThyholygrace——

  nevermoretooffendThee——

  nevermoretooffendThee——

  andtoamendmylife——

  andtoamendmylife——Hewentuptohisroomafterdinnerinordertobealonewithhissoul,andateverystephissoulseemedtosigh;ateverystephissoulmountedwithhisfeet,sighingintheascent,througharegionofviscidgloom。

  Hehaltedonthelandingbeforethedoorandthen,graspingtheporcelainknob,openedthedoorquickly。Hewaitedinfear,hissoulpiningwithinhim,prayingsilentlythatdeathmightnottouchhisbrowashepassedoverthethreshold,thatthefiendsthatinhabitdarknessmightnotbegivenpoweroverhim。Hewaitedstillatthethresholdasattheentrancetosomedarkcave。Faceswerethere;eyes:theywaitedandwatched——

  Weknewperfectlywellofcoursethatthoughitwasboundtocometothelighthewouldfindconsiderabledifficultyinendeavouringtotrytoinducehimselftotrytoendeavourtoascertainthespiritualplenipotentiaryandsoweknewofcourseperfectlywell——

  Murmuringfaceswaitedandwatched;murmurousvoicesfilledthedarkshellofthecave。Hefearedintenselyinspiritandinfleshbut,raisinghisheadbravely,hestrodeintotheroomfirmly。Adoorway,aroom,thesameroom,samewindow。Hetoldhimselfcalmlythatthosewordshadabsolutelynosensewhichhadseemedtorisemurmurouslyfromthedark。Hetoldhimselfthatitwassimplyhisroomwiththedooropen。

  Heclosedthedoorand,walkingswiftlytothebed,kneltbesideitandcoveredhisfacewithhishands。Hishandswerecoldanddampandhislimbsachedwithchill。Bodilyunrestandchillandwearinessbesethim,routinghisthoughts。Whywashekneelingtherelikeachildsayinghiseveningprayers?Tobealonewithhissoul,toexaminehisconscience,tomeethissinsfacetoface,torecalltheirtimesandmannersandcircumstances,toweepoverthem。Hecouldnotweep。Hecouldnotsummonthemtohismemory。

  Hefeltonlyanacheofsoulandbody,hiswholebeing,memory,will,understanding,flesh,benumbedandweary。

  Thatwastheworkofdevils,toscatterhisthoughtsandover-cloudhisconscience,assailinghimatthegatesofthecowardlyandsin-corruptedflesh:and,prayingGodtimidlytoforgivehimhisweakness,hecrawledupontothebedand,wrappingtheblanketscloselyabouthim,coveredhisfaceagainwithhishands。Hehadsinned。HehadsinnedsodeeplyagainstheavenandbeforeGodthathewasnotworthytobecalledGod\'schild。

  Coulditbethathe,StephenDedalus,haddonethosethings?Hisconsciencesighedinanswer。Yes,hehaddonethem,secretly,filthily,timeaftertime,and,hardenedinsinfulimpenitence,hehaddaredtowearthemaskofholinessbeforethetabernacleitselfwhilehissoulwithinwasalivingmassofcorruption。HowcameitthatGodhadnotstruckhimdead?Theleprouscompanyofhissinsclosedabouthim,breathinguponhim,bendingoverhimfromallsides。Hestrovetoforgettheminanactofprayer,huddlinghislimbsclosertogetherandbindingdownhiseyelids:butthesensesofhissoulwouldnotbeboundand,thoughhiseyeswereshutfast,hesawtheplaceswherehehadsinnedand,thoughhisearsweretightlycovered,heheard。Hedesiredwithallhiswillnottohearorsee。Hedesiredtillhisframeshookunderthestrainofhisdesireanduntilthesensesofhissoulclosed。Theyclosedforaninstantandthenopened。Hesaw。

  Afieldofstiffweedsandthistlesandtuftednettle-bunches。Thickamongthetuftsofrankstiffgrowthlaybatteredcanistersandclotsandcoilsofsolidexcrement。Afaintmarshlightstrugglingupwardsfromalltheordurethroughthebristlinggrey-greenweeds。Anevilsmell,faintandfoulasthelight,curledupwardssluggishlyoutofthecanistersandfromthestalecrusteddung。

  Creatureswereinthefield:one,three,six:creaturesweremovinginthefield,hitherandthither。Goatishcreatureswithhumanfaces,hornybrowed,lightlybeardedandgreyasindia-rubber。Themaliceofevilglitteredintheirhardeyes,astheymovedhitherandthither,trailingtheirlongtailsbehindthem。Arictusofcruelmalignitylitupgreylytheiroldbonyfaces。Onewasclaspingabouthisribsatornflannelwaistcoat,anothercomplainedmonotonouslyashisbeardstuckinthetuftedweeds。Softlanguageissuedfromtheirspittlelesslipsastheyswishedinslowcirclesroundandroundthefield,windinghitherandthitherthroughtheweeds,draggingtheirlongtailsamidtherattlingcanisters。Theymovedinslowcircles,circlingcloserandclosertoenclose,toenclose,softlanguageissuingfromtheirlips,theirlongswishingtailsbesmearedwithstaleshite,thrustingupwardstheirterrificfacesHelp!

  Heflungtheblanketsfromhimmadlytofreehisfaceandneck。Thatwashishell。Godhadallowedhimtoseethehellreservedforhissins:

  stinking,bestial,malignant,ahelloflecherousgoatishfiends。Forhim!

  Forhim!

  Hesprangfromthebed,thereekingodourpouringdownhisthroat,cloggingandrevoltinghisentrails。Air!Theairofheaven!Hestumbledtowardsthewindow,groaningandalmostfaintingwithsickness。Atthewashstandaconvulsionseizedhimwithin;and,claspinghiscoldforeheadwildly,hevomitedprofuselyinagony。

  Whenthefithadspentitselfhewalkedweaklytothewindowand,liftingthesash,satinacorneroftheembrasureandleanedhiselbowuponthesill。Therainhaddrawnoff;andamidthemovingvapoursfrompointtopointoflightthecitywasspinningaboutherselfasoftcocoonofyellowishhaze。Heavenwasstillandfaintlyluminousandtheairsweettobreathe,asinathicketdrenchedwithshowers;andamidpeaceandshimmeringlightsandquietfragrancehemadeacovenantwithhisheart。

  Heprayed:——Heoncehadmeanttocomeonearthinheavenlyglorybutwesinned;andthenHecouldnotsafelyvisitusbutwithashroudedmajestyandabedimmedradianceforHewasGod。SoHecameHimselfinweaknessnotinpowerandHesentthee,acreatureinHisstead,withacreaturescomelinessandlustresuitedtoourstate。Andnowthyveryfaceandform,dearmothersoaktousoftheEternalnotlikeearthlybeauty,dangeroustolookupon,butlikethemorningstarwhichisthyemblem,brightandmusical,breathingpurity,tellingofheavenandinfusingpeace。Oharbingerofday!Olightofthepilgrim!leadusstillasthouhastled。Inthedarknight,acrossthebleakwildernessguideusontoourlordJesus,guideushome。Hiseyesweredimmedwithtearsand,lookinghumblyuptoheaven,heweptfortheinnocencehehadlost。

  Wheneveninghadfallenheleftthehouse,andthefirsttouchofthedampdarkairandthenoiseofthedoorasitclosedbehindhimmadeacheagainhisconscience,lulledbyprayerandtears。Confess!Confess!Itwasnotenoughtolulltheconsciencewithatearandaprayer。HehadtokneelbeforetheministeroftheHolyGhostandtelloverhishiddensinstrulyandrepentantly。Beforeheheardagainthefootboardofthehousedoortrailoverthethresholdasitopenedtolethimin,beforehesawagainthetableinthekitchensetforsupperhewouldhavekneltandconfessed。Itwasquitesimple。

  Theacheofconscienceceasedandhewalkedonwardswiftlythroughthedarkstreets。ThereweresomanyflagstonesonthefootpathofthatstreetandsomanystreetsinthatCityandsomanycitiesintheworld。Yeteternityhadnoend。Hewasinmortalsin。Evenoncewasamortalsin。Itcouldhappeninaninstant。Buthowsoquickly?Byseeingorbythinkingofseeing。

  Theeyesseethething,withouthavingwishedfirsttosee。Theninaninstantithappens。Butdoesthatpartofthebodyunderstandorwhat?

  Theserpent,themostsubtlebeastofthefield。Itmustunderstandwhenitdesiresinoneinstantandthenprolongsitsowndesireinstantafterinstant,sinfully。Itfeelsandunderstandsanddesires。Whatahorriblething!Whomadeittobelikethat,abestialpartofthebodyabletounderstandbestiallyanddesirebestially?Wasthatthenheoraninhumanthingmovedbyalowersoul?Hissoulsickenedatthethoughtofatorpidsnakylifefeedingitselfoutofthetendermarrowofhislifeandfatteningupontheslimeoflust。Owhywasthatso?Owhy?

  Hecoweredintheshadowofthethought,abasinghimselfintheaweofGodWhohadmadeallthingsandallmen。Madness。Whocouldthinksuchathought?And,coweringindarknessandabject,heprayedmutelytohisguardianangeltodriveawaywithhisswordthedemonthatwaswhisperingtohisbrain。

  Thewhisperceasedandheknewthenclearlythathisownsoulhadsinnedinthoughtandwordanddeedwilfullythroughhisownbody。Confess!Hehadtoconfesseverysin。Howcouldheutterinwordstothepriestwhathehaddone?Must,must。Orhowcouldheexplainwithoutdyingofshame?

  Orhowcouldhehavedonesuchthingswithoutshame?Amadman!Confess!

  Ohewouldindeedtobefreeandsinlessagain!Perhapsthepriestwouldknow。OdearGod!

  Hewalkedonandonthroughill-litstreets,fearingtostandstillforamomentlestitmightseemthatheheldbackfromwhatawaitedhim,fearingtoarriveatthattowardswhichhestillturnedwithlonging。HowbeautifulmustbeasoulinthestateofgracewhenGodlookeduponitwithlove!

  Frowsygirlssatalongthecurbstonesbeforetheirbaskets。Theirdankhairhungtrailedovertheirbrows。Theywerenotbeautifultoseeastheycrouchedinthemire。ButtheirsoulswereseenbyGod;andiftheirsoulswereinastateofgracetheywereradianttosee:andGodlovedthem,seeingthem。

  Awastingbreathofhumiliationblewbleaklyoverhissoultothinkofhowhehadfallen,tofeelthatthosesoulsweredearertoGodthanhis。ThewindblewoverhimandpassedontothemyriadsandmyriadsofothersoulsonwhomGod\'sfavourshonenowmoreandnowless,starsnowbrighterandnowdimmersustainedandfailing。Andtheglimmeringsoulspassedaway,sustainedandfailing,mergedinamovingbreath。Onesoulwaslost;atinysoul:his。Itflickeredonceandwentout,forgotten,lost。Theend:black,cold,voidwaste。

  Consciousnessofplacecameebbingbacktohimslowlyoveravasttractoftimeunlit,unfelt,unlived。Thesqualidscenecomposeditselfaroundhim;thecommonaccents,theburninggas-jetsintheshops,odoursoffishandspiritsandwetsawdust,movingmenandwomen。Anoldwomanwasabouttocrossthestreet,anoilcaninherhand。Hebentdownandaskedherwasthereachapelnear——

  Achapel,sir?Yes,sir。ChurchStreetchapel——

  Church?

  Sheshiftedthecantoherotherhandanddirectedhim;and,assheheldoutherreekingwitheredrighthandunderitsfringeofshawl,hebentlowertowardsher,saddenedandsoothedbyhervoice——

  Thankyou——

  Youarequitewelcome,sir。

  Thecandlesonthehighaltarhadbeenextinguishedbutthefragranceofincensestillfloateddownthedimnave。Beardedworkmenwithpiousfaceswereguidingacanopyoutthroughasidedoor,thesacristanaidingthemwithquietgesturesandwords。Afewofthefaithfulstilllingeredprayingbeforeoneoftheside-altarsorkneelinginthebenchesneartheconfessionals。Heapproachedtimidlyandkneltatthelastbenchinthebody,thankfulforthepeaceandsilenceandfragrantshadowofthechurch。

  TheboardonwhichhekneltwasnarrowandwornandthosewhokneltnearhimwerehumblefollowersofJesus。Jesustoohadbeenborninpovertyandhadworkedintheshopofacarpenter,cuttingboardsandplaningthem,andhadfirstspokenofthekingdomofGodtopoorfishermen,teachingallmentobemeekandhumbleofheart。

  Hebowedhisheaduponhishands,biddinghisheartbemeekandhumblethathemightbelikethosewhokneltbesidehimandhisprayerasacceptableastheirs。Heprayedbesidethembutitwashard。HissoulwasfoulwithsinandhedarednotaskforgivenesswiththesimpletrustofthosewhomJesus,inthemysteriouswaysofGod,hadcalledfirsttoHisside,thecarpenters,thefishermen,poorandsimplepeoplefollowingalowlytrade,handlingandshapingthewoodoftrees,mendingtheirnetswithpatience。

  Atallfigurecamedowntheaisleandthepenitentsstirred;andatthelastmoment,glancingupswiftly,hesawalonggreybeardandthebrownhabitofacapuchin。Thepriestenteredtheboxandwashidden。Twopenitentsroseandenteredtheconfessionalateitherside。Thewoodenslidewasdrawnbackandthefaintmurmurofavoicetroubledthesilence。

  Hisbloodbegantomurmurinhisveins,murmuringlikeasinfulcitysummonedfromitssleeptohearitsdoom。Littleflakesoffirefellandpowderyashesfellsoftly,alightingonthehousesofmen。Theystirred,wakingfromsleep,troubledbytheheatedair。

  Theslidewasshotback。Thepenitentemergedfromthesideofthebox。

  Thefarthersidewasdrawn。Awomanenteredquietlyanddeftlywherethefirstpenitenthadknelt。Thefaintmurmurbeganagain。

  Hecouldstillleavethechapel。Hecouldstandup,putonefootbeforetheotherandwalkoutsoftlyandthenrun,run,runswiftlythroughthedarkstreets。Hecouldstillescapefromtheshame。Haditbeenanyterriblecrimebutthatonesin!Haditbeenmurder!Littlefieryflakesfellandtouchedhimatallpoints,shamefulthoughts,shamefulwords,shamefulacts。Shamecoveredhimwhollylikefineglowingashesfallingcontinually。

  Tosayitinwords!Hissoul,stiflingandhelpless,wouldceasetobe。

  Theslidewasshotback。Apenitentemergedfromthefarthersideofthebox。Thenearslidewasdrawn。Apenitententeredwheretheotherpenitenthadcomeout。Asoftwhisperingnoisefloatedinvaporouscloudletsoutofthebox。Itwasthewoman:softwhisperingcloudlets,softwhisperingvapour,whisperingandvanishing。

  Hebeathisbreastwithhisfisthumbly,secretlyundercoverofthewoodenarmrest。HewouldbeatonewithothersandwithGod。Hewouldlovehisneighbour。HewouldloveGodwhohadmadeandlovedhim。Hewouldkneelandpraywithothersandbehappy。Godwouldlookdownonhimandonthemandwouldlovethemall。

  Itwaseasytobegood。God\'syokewassweetandlight。Itwasbetternevertohavesinned,tohaveremainedalwaysachild,forGodlovedlittlechildrenandsufferedthemtocometoHim。Itwasaterribleandasadthingtosin。ButGodwasmercifultopoorsinnerswhoweretrulysorry。

  Howtruethatwas!Thatwasindeedgoodness。

  Theslidewasshottosuddenly。Thepenitentcameout。Hewasnext。

  Hestoodupinterrorandwalkedblindlyintothebox。

  Atlastithadcome。Hekneltinthesilentgloomandraisedhiseyestothewhitecrucifixsuspendedabovehim。Godcouldseethathewassorry。

  Hewouldtellallhissins。Hisconfessionwouldbelong,long。Everybodyinthechapelwouldknowthenwhatasinnerhehadbeen。Letthemknow。

  Itwastrue。ButGodhadpromisedtoforgivehimifhewassorry。Hewassorry。Heclaspedhishandsandraisedthemtowardsthewhiteform,prayingwithhisdarkenedeyes,prayingwithallhistremblingbody,swayinghisheadtoandfrolikealostcreature,prayingwithwhimperinglips——

  Sorry!Sorry!Osorry!

  Theslideclickedbackandhisheartboundedinhisbreast。Thefaceofanoldpriestwasatthegrating,avertedfromhim,leaninguponahand。

  Hemadethesignofthecrossandprayedofthepriesttoblesshimforhehadsinned。Then,bowinghishead,herepeatedtheConfiteorinfright。Atthewordsmymostgrievousfaultheceased,breathless——

  Howlongisitsinceyourlastconfession,mychild?——

  Alongtime,father——

  Amonth,mychild?——

  Longer,father——

  Threemonths,mychild?

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