ItwasimpossiblethatIcouldviewascenesostrangewithoutfeelingsofadmirationaswellaspity;orwithoutforgettingforawhile,inmyrespectforMadamedeBruhl\'sdevotion,theriskwhichhadseemedsogreattomeonthestairs.Ihadcomesimplyforapurposeofmyown,andwithnothoughtofaidinghimwholayhere.Butsogreat,asIhavenoticedonotheroccasions,isthepowerofanobleexample,that,beforeIknewit,IfoundmyselfwonderingwhatIcoulddotohelpthisman,andhowI
couldrelievemadame,inthedischargeofofficeswhichherhusbandhadaslittlerighttoexpectatherhandsasatmine.
AtthemeresoundofthewordPlagueIknewshewouldbedesertedinthiswildernessbyall,ornearlyall;areflectionwhichsuggestedtomethatIshouldfirstremovemademoiselletoadistance,andthenconsiderwhathelpIcouldaffordhere.
IwasabouttotellherthepurposewithwhichIhadcomewhenaparoxysmmorethanordinarilyviolent,andinducedperhapsbytheexcitementofmypresence——thoughheseemedbesidehimself——
seizedhim,andthreatenedtotaxherpowerstotheutmost.I
couldnotlookonandseeherspendherselfinvain;andalmostbeforeIknewwhatIwasdoingIhadlaidmyhandsonhimandafterabriefstrugglethrusthimbackexhaustedonthecouch.
Shelookedatmesostrangelyafterthatthatinthehalf-lightwhichtheloopholesaffordedItriedinvaintoreadhermeaning.
\'Whydidyoucome?\'shecriedatlength,breathingquickly.
\'You,ofallmen?Whydidyoucome?Hewasnofriendofyours,Heavenknows!\'
\'No,madame,norIofhis,\'Iansweredbitterly,withasuddenrevulsionoffeeling.
\'Thenwhyareyouhere?\'sheretorted.
\'Icouldnotsendoneofmymen,\'Ianswered.\'AndIwantthekeyoftheroomabove.\'
Atthementionofthattheroomabove——sheflinchedasifIhadstruckher,andlookedasstrangelyatBruhlasshehadbeforelookedatme.NodoubtthereferencetoMademoiselledelaVirerecalledtohermindherhusband\'swildpassionforthegirl,whichforthemomentshehadforgotten.Neverthelessshedidnotspeak,thoughherfaceturnedverypale.Shestoopedoverthecouch,suchasitwas,andsearchinghisclothes,presentlystoodup,andheldoutthekeytome.\'Takeit,andletherout,\'shesaidwithaforcedsmile.\'Takeitupyourself,anddoit.Youhavedonesomuchforheritisrightthatyoushoulddothis.\'
Itookthekey,thankingherwithmorehastethanthought,andturnedtowardsthedoor,intendingtogostraightuptotheflooraboveandreleasemademoiselle.Myhandwasalreadyonthedoor,whichmadame,Ifound,hadleftajarintheexcitementofmyentrance,whenIheardherstepbehindme.Thenextinstantshetouchedmeontheshoulder.\'Youfool!\'sheexclaimed,hereyesflashing,\'wouldyoukillher?\'Wouldyougofromhimtoher,andtaketheplaguetoher?Godforgiveme,itwasinmymindtosendyou.Andmenaresuchpuppetsyouwouldhavegone!\'
Itrembledwithhorror,asmuchatmystupidityasathercraft.
Forshewasright:inanothermomentIshouldhavegone,andcomprehensionandremorsewouldhavecometoolate.Asitwas,inmylongingatoncetoreproachherforherwickednessandtothankherforhertimelyrepentance,Ifoundnowords;butI
turnedawayinsilenceandwentoutwithafullheart.
CHAPTERXXX.
STRICKEN.
Outsidethedoor,standinginthedimnessofthelanding,IfoundM.d\'Agen.AtanyothertimeIshouldhavebeenthefirsttoaskhimwhyhehadleftthepostwhichIhadassignedtohim.ButatthemomentIwasoffmybalance,andhispresencesuggestednothingmorethanthatherewastheverypersonwhocouldbestexecutemywishes.Iheldoutthekeytohimatarmslength,andbadehimreleaseMademoiselledelaVire,whowasintheroomabove,andescortheroutofthecastle.\'Donotletherlingerhere,\'Icontinuedurgently.\'Takehertotheplacewherewefoundthewood-cutters.Youneedfearnoresistance.\'
\'ButBruhl?\'hesaid,ashetookthekeymechanicallyfromme.
\'Heisoutofthequestion,\'Iansweredinalowvoice.\'Wehavedonewithhim.Hehastheplague.\'
Heutteredasharpexclamation.\'Whatofmadame,then?\'hemuttered.
\'Sheiswithhim,\'Isaid.
Hecriedoutsuddenlyatthat,suckinginhisbreath,asIhaveknownmendoinpain.AndbutthatIdrewbackhewouldhavelaidhishandonmysleeve.\'Withhim?\'hestammered.\'Howisthat?\'
\'Why,man,whereelseshouldshebe?\'Ianswered,forgettingthatthesightofthosetwotogetherhadatfirstsurprisedmealso,aswellasmovedme.\'Orwhoelseshouldbewithhim?Heisherhusband.\'
Hestaredatmeforamomentatthat,andthenheturnedslowlyawayandbegantogoup;whileIlookedafterhim,graduallythinkingoutthecluetohisconduct.Coulditbethatitwasnotmademoiselleattractedhim,butMadamedeBruhl?
AndwiththathintIunderstooditall.Isawinamoment;theconclusiontowhichhehadcomeonhearingofthepresenceofmadameinmyroom.Inmyroomatnight!Thechangehaddatedfromthattime;insteadofacareless,light-spiritedyouthhehadbecomeinamomentamoroseandrestivechurl,asdifficulttomanageasanunbrokencolt.QuiteclearlyIsawnowthemeaningofthechange;whyhehadshrunkfromme,andwhyallintercoursebetweenushadbeensodifficult;andsoconstrained.
Ilaughedtothinkhowhehaddeceivedhimself,andhownearlyI
hadcometodeceivingmyselfalso.AndwhatmoreImighthavethoughtIdonotknow,formymeditationswerecutshortatthispointbyaloudoutcrybelow,which,beginninginoneortwosharpcriesofalarmandwarning,culminatedquicklyinaroarofangeranddismay.
FancyingIrecognisedMaignan\'svoice,Irandownthestairs,seekingaloopholewhenceIcouldcommandthescene;butfindingnone,andbecomingmoreandmorealarmed,Idescendedtothecourt,whichIfound,tomygreatsurprise,asemptyandsilentasanoldbattle-field.Neitherontheenemy\'ssidenoronourswasasinglemantobeseen.WithgrowingdismayIsprangacrossthecourtanddartedthroughtheoutertower,onlytofindthatandthegatewayequallyunguarded.NorwasituntilIhadpassedthroughthelatter,andstoodonthebrowoftheslope,whichwehadhadtoclamberwithsomuchtoil,thatIlearnedwhatwasamiss.
Farbelowmeastringofmen,boundingandrunningatspeed,streameddownthehilltowardsthehorses.Somewereshouting,somerunningsilently,withtheirelbowsattheirsidesandtheirscabbardsleapingagainsttheircalves.Thehorsesstoodtetheredinaringneartheedgeofthewood,andbysomeoversighthadbeenleftunguarded.TheforemostrunnerImadeouttobeFresnoy;butanumberofhismenwerecloseuponhim,andthenafteranintervalcameMaignan,wavinghisbladeandemittingfranticthreatswitheverystride.ComprehendingatoncethatFresnoyandhisfollowing,rendereddesperatebypanicandtheprospectivelossoftheirhorses,hadtakenadvantageofmyabsenceandgivenMaignantheslip,IsawIcoulddonothingsavewatchtheresultofthestruggle.
Thiswasnotlongdelayed.Maignan\'sthreats,whichseemedtomemerewasteofbreath,werenotwithouteffectonthosehefollowed.Thereisnothingwhichdemoralisesmenlikeflight.
Trooperswhohavestoodchargeafterchargewhilevictorywaspossiblewillflylikesheep,andlikesheepallowthemselvestohebutchered,whentheyhaveonceturnedtheback.Soitwashere.ManyofFresnoy\'smenwerestoutfellows,buthavingstartedtoruntheyhadnostomachforfighting.TheirfearscausedMaignantoappearnear,whilethehorsesseemeddistant;
andoneafteranothertheyturnedasideandmadelikerabbitsforthewood.OnlyFresnoy,whohadtakencaretohavethestartofall,kepton,and,reachingthehorses,cuttheropewhichtetheredthenearest,andvaultednimblyonitsback.Safelyseatedthere,hetriedtofrightentheothersintobreakingloose;butnotsucceedingatthefirstattempt,andseeingMaignan,breathingvengeance,comingupwithhim,hestartedhishorse,abrightbay,androdeofflaughingalongtheedgeofthewood.
Fullycontentwiththeresult——forourcarelessnessmighthavecostusverydearly——IwasabouttoturnawaywhenIsawthatMaignanhadmountedandwaspreparingtofollow.Istayedaccordinglytoseetheend,andfrommyelevatedpositionenjoyedafirst-rateviewoftheracewhichensued.Bothwereheavyweights,andatfirstMaignangainednoground.ButwhenacoupleofhundredyardshadbeencoveredFresnoyhadtheill-lucktoblunderintosomeheavyground,andthisenablinghispursuer,whohadtimetoavoidit,togetwithintwo-scorepacesofhim,theracebecameasexcitingasIcouldwish.SlowlyandsurelyMaignan,whohadchosentheCid,reducedthedistancebetweenthemtoascoreofpaces——tofifteen——toten.ThenFresnoy,becomingalarmed,begantolookoverhisshoulderandrideinearnest.Hehadnowhip,andIsawhimraisehissheathedsword,andstrikehisbeastontheflank.Itsprangforward,andappearedforafewstridestobeholdingitsown.Againherepeatedtheblowbutthistimewithadifferentresult.Whilehishandwasstillintheair,hishorsestumbled,asitseemedtome,madeadesperateefforttorecoveritself,fellheadlongandrolledoverandover.
Somethinginthefashionofthefall,whichremindedmeofthemishapIhadsufferedonthewaytoChizeledmetolookmoreparticularlyatthehorseasitrosetremblingtoitsfeet,andstoodwithdroopinghead.Sureenough,acarefulglanceenabledme,evenatthatdistance,toidentifyitasMatthew\'sbay——thetrick-horse.Shadingmyeyes,andgazingonthescenewithincreasedinterest,IsawMaignan,whohaddismounted,stoopoversomethingontheground,andagainafteranintervalstandupright.
ButFresnoydidnotrise.Norwasitwithoutawethat,guessingwhathadhappenedtohim,Irememberedhowhehadusedthisveryhorsetobefoolme;howheartlesslyhehadabandonedMatthew,itsowner;andbywhatmarvelloushaps——whichmencallchances——
Providencehadbroughtittothisplace,andputitinhishearttochooseitoutofascorewhichstoodreadytohishand!
Iwasright.Theman\'sneckwasbroken.Hewasquitedead.
Maignanpassedthewordtoone,andhetoanother,andsoitreachedmeonthehill.Itdidnotfailtoawakenmemoriesbothgraveandwholesome.IthoughtofSt.Jeand\'Angely,ofChize,ofthehouseintheRuelled\'Arcy;theninthemidstofthesereflectionsIheardvoices,andturnedtofindmademoiselle,withM.d\'Agenbehindme.
Herhandwasstillbandaged,andherdress,whichshehadnotchangedsinceleavingBlois,wastornandstainedwithmud.Herhairwasindisorder;shewalkedwithalimp.Fatigueandapprehensionhadstolenthecolourfromhercheeks,andinawordshelooked,whenIturned,sowanandmiserablethatforamomentIfearedtheplaguehadseizedher.
Theinstant,however,thatshecaughtsightofmeawaveofcolourinvaded,nothercheeksonly,butherbrowandneck.Fromherhairtothecollarofhergownshewasallcrimson.Forasecondshestoodgazingatme,andthen,asIsalutedher,shesprangforward.HadInotsteppedbackshewouldhavetakenmyhands.
Myheartsooverflowedwithjoyatthissight,thatinthecertaintyherblushgavemeIwasfaintotoywithmyhappiness.
AlljealousyofM.d\'Agenwasforgotten;onlyIthoughtitwellnottoalarmherbytellingherwhatIknewoftheBruhls.
\'Mademoiselle,\'Isaidearnestly,bowing,butretreatingfromher,\'IthankGodforyourescape.Oneofyourenemieslieshelplesshere,andanotherisdeadyonder.\'
\'ItisnotofmyenemiesIamthinking,\'sheansweredquickly,\'butofGod,ofwhomyourightlyremindme;andthenofmyfriends.\'
\'Nevertheless,\'Iansweredasquickly,\'Ibegyouwillnotstaytothankthemnow,butgodowntothewoodwithM.d\'Agen,whowilldoallthatmaybepossibletomakeyoucomfortable.\'
\'Andyou,sir?\'shesaid,withacharmingairofconfusion.
\'Imuststayhere,\'Ianswered,\'forawhile.\'
\'Why?\'sheaskedwithaslightfrown.
Ididnotknowhowtotellher,andIbeganlamely.\'Someonemuststopwithmadame,\'Isaidwithoutthought.
\'Madame?\'sheexclaimed.\'Doessherequireassistance?Iwillstop.\'
\'Godforbid!\'Icried.
Idonotknowhowsheunderstoodthewords,butherface,whichhadbeenfullofsoftness,grewhard.Shemovedquicklytowardsme;but,mindfulofthedangerIcarriedaboutme,Idrewfartherback.\'Nonearer,mademoiselle,\'Imurmured,\'ifyouplease.\'
Shelookedpuzzled,andfinallyangry,turningawaywithasarcasticbow.\'Sobeit,then,sir,\'shesaidproudly,\'ifyoudesireit.M.d\'Agen,ifyouarenotafraidofme,willyouleadmedown?\'
Istoodandwatchedthemgodownthehill,comfortingmyselfwiththereflectionthatto-morrow,orthenextday,orwithinafewdaysatmost,allwouldbewell.Scanningherfigureasshemoved,Ifanciedthatshewentwithlessspiritasthespaceincreasedbetweenus.AndIpleasedmyselfwiththenotion.A
fewdays,afewhours,Ithought,andallwouldbewell.Thesunsetwhichblazedinthewestwasnomorethanafaintreflectionoftheglowwhichforafewminutespervadedmymind,longaccustomedtocoldprospectsandthechillofneglect.
AtermwasputtothesepleasantimaginingsbythearrivalofMaignan;who,pantingfromtheascentofthehill,informedmewithashamefacedairthatthetaleofhorseswascomplete,butthatfourofourmenweremissing,andhaddoubtlessgoneoffwiththefugitives.TheseprovedtobeM.d\'Agen\'stwolackeysandthetwovarletsM.deRambouillethadlentus.ThereremainedbesidesSimonFleixonlyMaignan\'sthreemenfromRosny;
butthestateinwhichouraffairsnowstoodenabledustomakelightofthis.Iinformedtheequerry——whovisiblypaledatthenews——thatM.deBruhllayilloftheplague,andliketodie;
andIbadehimformacampinthewoodbelow,and,sendingforfoodtothehousewherewehadsleptthenightbefore,makemademoiselleascomfortableascircumstancespermitted.
Helistenedwithsurprise,andwhenIhaddoneaskedwithconcernwhatIintendedtodomyself.
\'SomeonemustremainwithMadamdeBruhl,\'Ianswered.\'Ihavealreadybeentothebedsidetoprocurethekeyofmademoiselle\'sroom,andIrunnofartherrisk.AllIaskisthatyouwillremainintheneighbourhood,andfurnishuswithsuppliesshoulditbenecessary.\'
Helookedatmewithemotion,which,stronglyinconflictwithhisfearsasitwas,touchedmenotalittle.\'Butmorbleu!M.
deMarsac,\'hesaid,\'youwilltaketheplagueanddie.\'
\'IfGodwills,\'Ianswered,verylugubriouslyIconfess,forpalelooksinonecommonlysofearlesscouldnotbutdepressme.\'Butifnot,Ishallescape.Anyway,myfriend,\'Icontinued,\'Ioweyouaquittance.SimonFleixhasaninkhornandpaper.Bidhimbringthemtothisstoneandleavethem,andIwillwritethatMaignan,theequerryoftheBarondeRosny,servedmetotheendasabravesoldierandanhonestfriend.\'What,MONAMI?\'I
continued,forIsawthathewasovercomebythis,whichwas,indeed,ahappythoughtofmine.\'Whynot?Itistrue,andwillacquityouwiththeBaron.Doit,andgo.AdviseM.d\'Agen,andbetohimwhatyouhavebeentome.\'
Hesworetwoorthreegreatoaths,suchasmenofhiskindusetohideanexcessoffeeling,andaftersomefurtherremonstrancewentawaytocarryoutmyorders;leavingmetostandonthebrowinastrangekindofsolitude,andwatchhorsesandmenwithdrawtothewood,untilthewholevalleyseemedlefttomeandstillnessandthegreyevening.ForatimeIstoodinthought.
Thenremindingmyself,forafilliptomyspirits,thatIhadbeenfarmorealonewhenIwalkedthestreetsofSt.JeanfriendlessandthreadbarethanIwasnow,Iturned,andswingingmyscabbardagainstmybootsforcompany,stumbledthroughthedark,silentcourtyard,andmountedascheerfullyasIcouldtomadame\'sroom.
Todetailallthatpassedduringthenextfivedayswouldbetediousandinindifferenttaste,seeingthatIamwritingthismemoirfortheperusalofmenofhonour;forthoughIconsidertheofficeswhichthewholecanperformforthesicktobeworthyoftheattentionofeveryman,howeverwellborn,whoproposestoseeservice,theyseemtobemorehonourableinthedoingthanthetelling.Oneepisode,however,whichmarkedthosedaysfilledmethen,asitdoesnow,withthemostlivelypleasure;
andthatwastheunexpecteddevotiondisplayedbySimonFleix,who,comingtome,refusedtoleave,andshowedhimselfatthispinchtobepossessedofsuchsterlingqualitiesthatIfreelyforgavehimthedeceithehadformerlypractisedonme.Thefitsofmoodysilenceintowhichhestillfellattimesandanoccasionalirascibilityseemedtoshowthathehadnotaltogetherconqueredhisinsanefancy;butthemerefactthat;hehadcometomeinasituationofhazard,andvoluntarilyremovedhimselffrommademoiselle\'sneighbourhood,gavemegoodhopeforthefuture.
M.deBruhldiedearlyonthemorningofthesecondday,andSimonandIburiedhimatnoon.Hewasamanofcourageandaddress,lackingonlyprinciples.Inspiteofmadame\'sgriefandprostration,whichwereasgreatasthoughshehadlostthebesthusbandintheworld,weremovedbeforenighttoaseparatecampinthewoods;andleftwiththeutmostreliefthegreyruinonthehill,inwhich,itseemedtome,wehadlivedanage.Inournewbivouac,where,gamebeingabundant,andtheweatherwarm,welackednocomfort,exceptthesocietyofourfriends,weremainedfourdayslonger.Onthefifthmorningwemettheothersofourcompanybyappointmentonthenorthroad,andcommencedthereturnjourney.
Thankfulthatwehadescapedcontagion,weneverthelessstillproposedtoobserveforatimesuchprecautionsinregardtotheothersasseemednecessary;ridingintherearandhavingnocommunicationwiththem,thoughtheyshowedbysignsthepleasuretheyfeltatseeingus.Fromthefrequencywithwhichmademoiselleturnedandlookedbehindher,Ijudgedshehadovercomeherpiqueatmystrangeconduct;whichtheothersshouldbythistimehaveexplainedtoher.Content,therefore,withthepresent,andfullofconfidenceinthefuture,Irodealonginararestateofsatisfaction;atonemomentplanningwhatIwoulddo,andatanotherreviewingwhatIhaddone.
Thebrightnessandsoftnessoftheday,andthebeautyofthewoods,whichinsomeplaces,Iremember,wereburstingintoleaf,contributedmuchtoestablishmeinthisframeofmind.Thehatefulmist,whichhadsogreatlydepressedus,haddisappeared;
leavingthefaceofthecountryvisibleinallthebrillianceofearlyspring.Themenwhorodebeforeus,cheeredbythehappyomen,laughedandtalkedastheyrode,ortriedthepacesoftheirhorses,wherethetreesgrewsparsely;andtheirjestsandlaughtercomingpleasantlytoourearsaswefollowed,warmedevenmadame\'ssadfacetoasemblanceofhappiness.
Iwasridingalonginthisstateofcontentmentwhenafeelingoffatigue,whichthedistancewehadcomedidnotseemtojustify,ledmetospurtheCidintoabriskerpace.Thesensationoflassitudestillcontinued,however,andindeedgrewworse;sothatIwonderedidlywhetherIhadover-eatenmyselfatmylastmeal.Thenthethingpassedforawhilefrommymind,whichthedescentofasteephillsufficientlyoccupied.
Butafewminuteslater,happeningtoturninthesaddle,I
experiencedastrangeandsuddendizziness;soexcessiveastoforcemetograspthecantle,andclingtoit,whiletreesandhillsappearedtodanceroundme.Aquick,hotpaininthesidefollowed,almostbeforeIrecoveredthepowerofthought;andthisincreasedsorapidly,andwasfromthefirstsodefinite,that,withadreadfulapprehensionalreadyformedinmymind,I
thrustmyhandinsidemyclothes,andfoundthatswellingwhichisthemostsureanddeadlysymptomoftheplague.
Thehorrorofthatmoment——inwhichIsawallthosethingsonthepossessionofwhichIhadjustbeencongratulatingmyself,passhopelesslyfromme,leavingmeindreadfulgloom——Iwillnotattempttodescribeinthisplace.Letitsufficethattheworldlostinamomentitsjoyousness,thesunshineitswarmth.Thegreennessandbeautyroundme,whichaninstantbeforehadfilledmewithpleasure,seemedonasuddennomorethanagrimandcrueljestatmyexpense,andIanatomperishingunmarkedandunnoticed.Yes,anatom,amote;thebitternessofthatfeelingIwellremember.Then,innolongtime——beingasoldier——I
recoveredmycoolness,and,retainingthepowertothink,decidedwhatitbehovedmetodo.
CHAPTERXXXI.
UNDERTHEGREENWOOD.
Toescapefrommycompanionsonsomepretext,whichshouldenablemetoensuretheirsafetywithoutarousingtheirfears,wastheonethoughtwhichpossessedmeonthesubsidenceofmyfirstalarm.Probablyitansweredtothatinstinctinanimalswhichbidsthemgetawayalonewhenwoundedorattackedbydisease;andwithmeithadthefullerplayasthepainprevailedratherbyparoxysms,thaninpermanence,and,comingandgoing,allowedintervalsofease,inwhichIwasabletothinkclearlyandconsecutively,andeventositfirmlyinthesaddle.
Themomentoneoftheseintervalsenabledmetocontrolmyself,I
usedittothinkwhereImightgowithoutdangertoothers;andatonceandnaturallymythoughtsturnedtothelastplacewehadpassed;whichhappenedtobethehouseinthegorgewherewehadreceivednewsofBruhl\'sdivergencefromtheroad.Themanwholivedtherealonehadhadtheplague;thereforehedidnotfearit.Theplaceitselfwassolitary,andIcouldreachit,ridingslowly,inhalfanhour.OntheinstantandwithoutmoredelayI
determinedonthiscourse.Iwouldreturn,and,committingmyselftothefellow\'sgoodoffices,bidhimdenymetoothers,andespeciallytomyfriends——shouldtheyseekme.
AwarethatIbadnotimetoloseifIwouldputthisplanintoexecutionbeforethepainsreturnedtosapmycourage,Idrewbridleatonce,andmutteredsomeexcusetomadame;ifIrememberrightly,thatIhaddroppedmygauntlet.Whateverthepretext——
andmydreadwasgreatlestsheshouldobserveanystrangenessinmymanner——itpassedwithher;byreason,chiefly,Ithink,ofthegriefwhichmonopolisedher.Sheletmego,andbeforeanyoneelsecouldmarkormissmeIwasahundredyardsawayontheback-track,andalreadyshelteredfromobservationbyaturnintheroad.
Theexcitementofmyevasionsupportedmeforawhileafterleavingher;andthenforanotherwhile,aparoxysmofpaindeprivedmeofthepowerofthought.Butwhenthislastwasover,leavingmeweakandshaken,yetclearinmymind,themostmiserablesadnessanddepressionthatcanbeconceivedcameuponme;and,accompanyingmethroughthewood,filleditsavenueswhichdoubtlesswerefairenoughtoothers\'eyeswiththeblacknessofdespair.Isawbutthecharnel-house,andthateverywhere.Itwasnotonlythatthehorrorsofthefirstdiscoveryreturneduponmeandalmostunmannedme;noronlythatregretsandmemories,picturesofthepastandplansforthefuture,crowdedthickuponmymind,sothatIcouldhaveweptatthethoughtofallendinghere.Butinmyweaknessmademoiselle\'sfaceshonewherethewoodwasdarkest,and,temptingandprovokingmetoreturn——wereitonlytotellherthat,grimanddullasIseemed,Ilovedher——triedmewithasubtletemptationalmostbeyondmystrengthtoresist.Allthatwasmeaninmeroseinarms,allthatwasselfishclamouredtoknowwhyImustdieintheditchwhileothersrodeinthesunshine;whyImustgotothepit,whileotherslovedandlived!
AndsohardwasIpressedthatIthinkIshouldhavegivenwayhadtheridebeenlongerormyhorselesssmoothandnimble.Butinthemidstofmymisery,whichbodilypainwasbeginningtoaugmenttosuchadegreethatIcouldscarcelysee,andhadtoridegrippingthesaddlewithbothhands,Ireachedthemill.Myhorsestoppedofitsownaccord.Themanwehadseenbeforecameout.IhadIjuststrengthlefttotellhimwhatwasthematter,andwhatIwantedandthenafreshattackcameon,withsickness,andovercomebyvertigoIfelltotheground.
Ihavebutanindistinctideawhathappenedafterthat;untilI
foundmyselfinsidethehouse,clingingtotheman\'sarm.Hepointedtoabox-bedinonecorneroftheroomwhichwas,orseemedtomysickeyes,gloomyanddarksomeintheextreme,andwouldhavehadmeliedowninit.Butsomethinginsidemerevoltedagainstthebed,anddespitetheforceheused,Ibrokeaway,andthrewmyselfonaheapofstrawwhichIsawinanothercorner.
\'Isnotthe,bedgoodenoughforyou?\'hegrumbled.
Istrovetotellhimitwasnotthat.
\'Itshouldbegoodenoughtodieon,\'hecontinuedbrutally.
\'There\'sfivehavediedonthatbed,I\'dhaveyouknow!Mywifeone,andmysonanother,andmydaughteranother;andthenmysonagain,andadaughteragain.Five!Ay,fiveinthatbed!\'
Broodinginthegloomofthechimney-corner,wherehewasbusiedaboutablackpot,hecontinuedtomutterandglanceatmeaskance;butafterawhileIswoonedawaywithpain.
WhenIopenedmyeyesagaintheroomwasdarker.ThemanstillsatwhereIhadlastseenhim,butanoise,thesame,perhaps,whichhadrousedme,drewhimasIlookedtotheunglazedwindow.
Avoiceoutside,thetonesofwhichIseemedtoknow,inquiredifhehadseenme;andsocarriedawaywasIbytheexcitementofthemomentthatIroseonmyelbowtoheartheanswer.Butthemanwasstaunch.Iheardhimdenyallknowledgeofme,andpresentlythesoundofretreatinghoofsandtheechoofvoicesdyinginthedistanceassuredmeIwasleft.
Then,atthatinstant,adoubtofthemanonwhosecompassionI
hadthrownmyselfenteredmymind.Plague-stricken,hopelessasIwas,itchilledmetotheveryheart;stayinginamomentthefeebletearsIwasabouttoshed,andcuringeventhevertigo,whichforcedmetoclutchatthestrawonwhichIlay.Whetherthethoughtarosefromasicklysenseofmyownimpotence,orwasbasedonthefellow\'smoroseairandthestealthyglanceshecontinuedtocastatme,IamasunabletosayasIamtodecidewhetheritwaswell-founded,orthefruitofmyownfancy.
Possiblythegloomoftheroomandtheman\'ssurlywordsinclinedmetosuspicion;possiblyhissecretthoughtsportrayedthemselvesinhishang-dogvisage.Afterwardsitappearedthathehadstrippedme,whileIlay,ofeverythingofvalue;buthemayhavedonethisinthebeliefthatIshoulddie.
AllIknowisthatIknewnothingcertain,becausethefeardiedalmostassoonasitwasborn.Themanhadscarcelyseatedhimselfagain,orIconceivedthethought,whenasecondalarmoutsidecausedhimtospringtohisfeet.Scowlingandmutteringashewent,hehurriedtothewindow.Butbeforehereacheditthedoorwasdashedviolentlyopen,andSimonFleixstoodintheentrance.
Therecameinwithhimsoblessedarushoflightandlifeasinamomentdispelledthehorroroftheroom,andstrippedmeatoneandthesametimeoffearandmanhood.ForwhetherIwouldorno,atsightofthefamiliarface,whichIhadfledsolately,I
burstintotears;and,stretchingoutmyhandstohim,asafrightenedchildmighthavedone,calledonhimbyname.I
supposetheplaguewasbythistimesoplainlywrittenonmyfacethatallwholookedmightread;forhestoodatgaze,staringatme,andwasstillsostandingwhenahandputhimasideandaslighter,smallerfigure,pale-facedandhooded,stoodforamomentbetweenmeandthesunshine.Itwasmademoiselle!
That,IthankGod,restoredmetomyself,orIhadbeenforevershamed.IcriedtothemwithallthevoiceIhadlefttotakeheraway;andcallingoutfranticallyagainandagainthatIhadtheplagueandshewoulddie,Ibadethemanclosethedoor.
Nay,regainingsomethingofstrengthinmyfearforher,Iroseup,half-dressedasIwas,andwouldhavefledintosomecornertoavoidher,stillcallingouttothemtotakeheraway,totakeheraway——ifafreshparoxysmhadnotseizedme,sothatIfellblindandhelplesswhereIwas.
ForatimeafterthatIknewnothing;untilsomeoneheldwatertomylips,andIdrankgreedily,andpresentlyawoketothefactthattheentrancewasdarkwithfacesandfiguresallgazingatmeasIlay.ButIcouldnotseeher;andIhadsenseenoughtoknowandbethankfulthatshewasnolongeramongthem.IwouldfainhavebiddenMaignantobegonetoo,forIreadtheconsternationinhisface.ButIcouldnotmusterstrengthorvoiceforthepurpose,andwhenIturnedmyheadtoseewhoheldme——ahme!itcomesbacktomestillindreams——itwasmademoiselle\'shairthatsweptmyforeheadandherhandthatministeredtome;whiletearsshedidnottrytohideorwipeawayfellonmyhotcheek.Icouldhavepushedherawayeventhen,forshewasslightandsmall;butthepainscameuponme,andwithasobchokingmyvoiceIlostallknowledge.
IamtoldthatIlayformorethanamonthbetweenlifeanddeath,nowburningwithfeverandnowinthecoldfit;andthatbutforthetendancewhichneverfailednorfaltered,norcouldhavebeenoutdonehadmymaladybeentheleastinfectiousintheworld.Imusthavediedahundredtimes,ashundredsroundmediddieweekbyweekinthatyear.FromthefirsttheytookmeoutofthehousewhereIthinkIshouldhaveperishedquickly,soimpregnatedwasitwiththeplaguepoisonandlaidmeunderascreenofboughsintheforest,withavastquantityofcloaksandhorse-clothscunninglydisposedtowindward.HereIransomeriskfromcoldandexposureandthefallofheavydews;but,ontheotherhand,hadalltheairsofheaventoclearawaythehumoursandexpelthefeverfrommybrain.
Henceitwasthatwhenthefirstfeeblebeginningsofconsciousnessawokeinmeagain,theyandthelightstoleinonmethroughgreenleaves,andoverhangingboughs,andthefreshnessandverdureofthespringwoods.Thesunshinewhichreachedmywateryeyeswassoftenedbyitspassagethroughgreattrees,whichgrewandexpandedasIgazedupintothem,untileachbecameaverdantworld,withallaworld\'sdiversityoflife.Growntiredofthis,Ihadstilllongavenuesofshade,carpetedwithflowers,topeerinto;oralittlewoodedbottom——wherethegroundfellawayononeside——thatblazedandburnedwithredthorn.Ay,andhenceitwasthatthefirstsoundsI
heard,whenthefeverleftmeatlast,andIknewmorningfromevening,andmanfromwoman,werethesongsofbirdscallingtotheirmates.
MademoiselleandMadamedeBruhl,withFanchetteandSimonFleix,layallthistimeinsuchshelterascouldberaisedforthemwhereIlay;M.Francoisandthreestoutfellows,whomMaignanlefttoguarduslivinginahutwithinhail.Maignanhimself,afterseeingoutaweekofmyillness,hadperforcereturnedtohismaster,andnonewshadsincebeenreceivedfromhim.Thankstothetimelymoveintothewoods,nootherofthepartyfellill,andbythetimeIwasabletostandandspeaktheravagesofthediseasehadsogreatlydecreasedthatfearwasatanend.
IshouldwastewordswereItotrytodescribehowthepeaceandquietudeofthelifeweledintheforestduringthetimeofmyrecoverysankintomyheart;whichhadknown,savebymymother\'sbedside,littleofsuchjoys.Toawakeinthemorningtosweetsoundsandscents,toeatwithrevivingappetiteandfeeltheslowgrowthofstrength,toliealldayinshadeorsunshineasitpleasedme,andhearwomen\'svoicesandtinklinglaughter,tohavenothoughtoftheworldandnoknowledgeofit,sothatwemighthavebeen,foranythingwesaw,inanothersphere——thesethingsmighthavesufficedforhappinesswithoutthatwhichaddedtoeachandeveryoneofthemasweeteranddeeperandmorelastingjoy.Ofwhichnext.
IhadnotbeguntotakenoticelongbeforeIsawthatM.Francoisandmadamehadcometoanunderstanding;suchanone,atleast,aspermittedhimtodoallforhercomfortandentertainmentwithoutcommittinghertomorethanwasbecomingatsuch,aseason.Naturallythisleftmademoisellemuchinmycompany;acircumstancewhichwouldhaveripenedintopassiontheaffectionIbeforeentertainedforher,hadnotgratitudeandanearerobservanceofhermeritsalreadyelevatedmyregardintothemostardentworshipthateventheyoungestlovereverfeltforhismistress.
Inproportion,however,asIandmylovegrewstronger,andmademoiselle\'spresencegrewmorenecessarytomyhappiness——sothatweresheawaybutanhourIfella-moping——shebegantodrawofffromme,andabsentingherselfmoreandmoreonlongwalksinthewoods,by-and-byreducedmetosuchapitch,ofmiseryasbidfairtocompletewhatthefeverhadleftundone,IfthishadhappenedintheworldIthinkitlikelythatIshouldhavesufferedinsilence.Buthere,underthegreenwood,incommonenjoymentofGod\'sairandearth,weseemedmorenearlyequal.Shewasscarcebetterdressed,thanasutler\'swife;
whilerecollectionsofherwealthandstation,thoughtheyassailedmenightly,lostmuchoftheirpointinpresenceofheryouthandofthatfairandpatientgentlenesswhichforestlifeandthedutiesofanursehadfostered.
Soithappenedthatoneday,whenshehadbeenabsentlongerthanusual,Itookmycourageinmyhandandwenttomeetherasfarasthestreamwhichranthroughthebottombytheredthorn.
Here,ataplacewheretherewerethreestepping-stones,Iwaitedforher;firsttakingawaythestepping-stones,thatshemighthavetopause,and,beingataloss,mightbegladtoseeme.
Shecamepresently,trippingthroughanalleyinthelowwood,withhereyesontheground,andherwholecarriagefullofasweetpensivenesswhichitdidmegoodtosee.Iturnedmybackonthestreambeforeshesawme,andmadeapretenceofbeingtakenupwithsomethinginanotherdirection.Doubtlesssheespiedmesoon,andbeforeshecameverynear;butshemadenosignuntilshereachedthebrink,andfoundthestepping-stonesweregone.
Then,whethershesuspectedmeornot,shecalledouttome,notonce,butseveraltimes.For,partlytotantaliseher,asloverswill,andpartlybecauseitcharmedmetohearherusemyname,I
wouldnotturnatonce.
WhenIdid,anddiscoveredherstandingwithonesmallfootdallyingwiththewater,Icriedoutwithwell-affectedconcern;
andinagreathurryrantowardsher,payingnoattentiontoherchidingorthepettishhaughtinesswithwhichshespoketome.
\'Thestepping-stonesareallonyourside,\'shesaidimperiously.
\'Whohasmovedthem?\'
Ilookedaboutwithoutanswering,andatlastpretendedtofindthem;whileshestoodwatchingme,tappingthegroundwithonefootthewhile.Despiteherimpatience,thestonewhichwasnearesttoherItookcaretobringlast——thatshemightnotcrosswithoutmyassistance.Butafterallshesteppedoversolightlyandquicklythatthehandsheplacedinmineseemedscarcelytorestthereasecond.YetwhenshewasoverImanagedtoretainit;nordidsheresist,thoughhercheek,whichhadbeenredbefore,turnedcrimsonandhereyesfell,andboundtomebythelinkofherlittlehand,shestoodbesidemewithherwholefiguredrooping.
\'Mademoiselle,\'Isaidgravely,summoningallmyresolutiontomyaid,\'doyouknowofwhatthatstreamwithitsstepping-stonesremindsme?\'
Sheshookherheadbutdidnotanswer.
\'OfthestreamwhichhasflowedbetweenusfromthedaywhenI
firstsawyouatSt.Jean,\'saidinalowvoice.\'Ithasflowedbetweenus,anditstilldoes——separatingus.\'
\'Whatstream?\'shemurmured,withhereyescastdown,andherfootplayingwiththemoss.\'Youspeakinriddles,sir.\'
\'Youunderstandthisoneonlytoowell,mademoiselle,\'I
answered.\'Areyounotyoungandgayandbeautiful,whileIamold,oralmostold,anddullandgrave?Youarerichandwell-
thought-ofatCourt,andIasoldieroffortune,nottoosuccessful.WhatdidyouthinkofmewhenyoufirstsawmeatSt.Jean?WhatwhenIcametoRosny?That,mademoiselle,\'I
continuedwithfervour,\'isthestreamwhichflowsbetweenusandseparatesus;andIknowofbutonestepping-stonethatcanbridgeit.\'
Shelookedaside,toyingwithapieceofthorn-blossomshehadpicked.Itwasnotredderthanhercheeks.
\'Thatonestepping-stone,\'Isaid,afterwaitingvainlyforanywordorsignfromher,\'isLove.Manyweeksago,mademoiselle,whenIhadlittlecausetolikeyou,Ilovedyou;IlovedyouwhetherIwouldornot,andwithoutthoughtorhopeofreturn.I
shouldhavebeenmadhadIspokentoyouthen.Mad,andworsethanmad.Butnow,nowthatIoweyoumylife,nowthatIhavedrunkfromyourhandinfever,and,awakingearlyandlate,havefoundyoubymypillow——nowthat,seeingyoucomeinandoutinthemidstoffearandhardship,Ihavelearnedtoregardyouasawomankindandgentleasmymother——nowthatIloveyou,sothattobewithyouisjoy,andawayfromyougrief,isitpresumptioninmenow,mademoiselle,tothinkthatthatstreammaybebridged?\'
Istopped,outofbreath,andsawthatshewastrembling.Butshespokepresently.\'Yousaidonestepping-stone?\'shemurmured.
\'Yes,\'Iansweredhoarsely,tryinginvaintolookatherface,whichshekeptavertedfromme.
\'Thereshouldbetwo,\'shesaid,almostinawhisper.\'Yourlove,sir,and——andmine.Youhavesaidmuchoftheone,andnothingoftheother.Inthatyouarewrong,forIamproudstill.AndIwouldnotcrossthestreamyouspeakofforanyloveofyours!\'
\'Ah!\'Icriedinsharpestpain.
\'But,\'shecontinued,lookingupatmeonasuddenwitheyesthattoldmeall,\'becauseIloveyouIamwillingtocrossit——tocrossitonceforever,andtolivebeyonditallmylife——ifI
maylivemylifewithyou.\'
Ifellonmykneeandkissedherhandagainandagaininaraptureofjoyandgratitude.By-and-byshepulleditfromme.
\'Ifyouwill,sir,\'shesaid,\'youmaykissmylips.Ifyoudonot,nomaneverwill.\'
Afterthat,asmaybeguessed,wewalkedeverydayintheforest,makinglongerandlongerexcursionsasmystrengthcamebacktome,andthenearerpartsgrewfamiliar.Fromearlydawn,whenI
broughtmyloveaposyofflowers,tolateevening,whenFanchettehurriedherfromme,ourdayswerepassedinalongroundofdelight;beingfilledfullofallbeautifulthings——
love,andsunshine,andripplingstreams,andgreenbanks,onwhichwesattogetherunderscentedlimes,tellingoneanotherallwehadeverthought,andespeciallyallwehadeverthoughtofoneanother.Sometimes——whenthelightwaslowintheevening——wespokeofmymother;andonce——butthatwasinthesunshine,whenthebeeswerehummingandmybloodhadbeguntorunstronglyinmyveins——Ispokeofmygreatanddistantkinsman,Rohan.Butmademoisellewouldhearnothingofhim,murmuringagainandagaininmyear,\'Ihavecrossed,mylove,I
havecrossed.\'
Trulythesandsofthathour-glasswereofgold.Butintimetheyranout.FirstM.Francois,spurredbytherestlessnessofyouth,andconvincedthatmadamewouldforawhileyieldnofurther,leftus,andwentbacktotheworld.Thennewscameofgreateventsthatcouldnotfailtomoveus.TheKingofFranceandtheKingofNavarrehadmetatTours,andembracinginthesightofanimmensemultitude,hadrepulsedtheLeaguewithslaughterinthesuburbofSt.Symphorien.Fastonthisfollowedthetidingsoftheirmarchnorthwardswithanoverwhelmingarmyoffifty-thousandmenofbothreligions,bent,rumourhadit,onthesignalpunishmentofParis.