第3章
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  sonablysafe,unlessourguestsdecidedtoburnthecabin。

  Theeveningseemedendless,andwascertainlynerve—racking。TheIndiansateeverythinginthehouse,andfrommyseatinadimcornerIwatchedthemwhilemysisterswaitedonthem。Icanstillseethetableautheymadeinthefirelitroomandheartheunfamiliaraccentsoftheirspeechastheytalkedtogether。Occasionallyoneofthemwouldpullahairfromhishead,seizehisscalping—knife;

  andcutthehairwithit——amostunpleasantsight!

  WheneitherofmysistersapproachedthemsomeoftheIndianswouldmakegestures,asifcapturingandscalpingher。Throughitall,however,thewhiskyheldtheircloseattention,anditwasduetothisthatwesucceededinreachingtheatticunob—

  served,Jamescominglastofallanddrawingtheladderafterhim。Motherandthechildrenwerethenputtobed;butthroughthatinterminablenightJamesandEleanorlayflatuponthefloor,watchingthroughthecracksbetweentheboardstherevelsofthedrunkenIndians,whichgrewwild—

  erwitheveryhourthatcrawledtowardsunrise。

  Therewasnoknowingwhentheywouldmissusorhowsoontheirmoodmightchange。Atanymomenttheymightmakeanattackuponusorsetfiretothecabin。Bydawn,however,theirwhiskywasallgone,andtheywereinsodeepastuporthat,oneaftertheother,thesevenfellfromtheirchairstothefloor,wheretheysprawledun—

  conscious。Whentheyawoketheyleftquietlyandwithouttroubleofanykind。Theyseemedastrangelysubduedandchastenedband;probablytheywerewretchedlyillaftertheirdebauchontheadulteratedwhiskythetradershadgiventhem。

  ThatautumntheOttawatribehadagreatcorncelebration,towhichweandtheothersettlerswereinvited。Jamesandmyoldersistersattendedit,andIwentwiththem,bymyownurgentinvita—

  tion。ItseemedtomethatasIwassharingtheworkandtheperilsofournewenvironment,I

  mightaswellshareitsjoys;andIfinallysucceededinmakingmyfamilyseethelogicofthisposition。

  Thecentralfeatureofthefestivitywasahugekettle,manyfeetincircumference,intowhichtheIndiansdroppedthemostextraordinaryvarietyoffoodwehadeverseencombined。Deerheadswentintoitwhole,aswellaseverykindofmeatandvegetablethemembersofthetribecouldprocure。Weallatesomeofthisagreeablemixture,andlater,withoneanother,andevenwiththeIndians,wedancedgailytothemusicofatom—tomandadrum。Theaffairwasextremelyinterestinguntilthewhiskyenteredanddiditsunpleasantwork。Whenourhostsbe—

  gantofalloverinthedanceandslumberwheretheylay,andwhenthesquawsbegantoshowthesameilleffectsoftheirrefreshments,weunostentatiouslyslippedaway。

  Duringthewinterlifeofferedusfewdiversionsandmanyhardships。Ourcreekfrozeover,andthewaterproblembecameaseriousone,whichwemetwithincreasingdifficultyasthetemperaturesteadilyfell。Wemeltedsnowandice,andexistedthroughthefrozenmonths,butwithanamountofdiscom—

  fortwhichmadeusunwillingtorepeatatleastthatspecialphaseofourexperience。Inthespring,therefore,Imadeawell。Longbeforethis,Jameshadgone,andHarryandIwerenowtheonlyout—

  doormembersofourworking—force。Harrywasstilltoosmalltohelpwiththewell;butayoungman,whohadformedtheneighborlyhabitofrid—

  ingeighteenmilestocallonus,gavememuchfriendlyaid。Welocatedthewellwithaswitch,andwhenwehaddugasfaraswecouldreachwithourspades,myassistantdescendedintotheholeandthrewtheearthuptotheedge,fromwhichI

  inturnremovedit。Asthewellgrewdeeperwemadeahalf—wayshelf,onwhichIstood,hethrow—

  ingtheearthontheshelf,andIshovelingitupfromthatpoint。Later,ashedescendedstillfartherintotheholeweweremaking,heshoveledtheearthintobucketsandpassedthemuptome,Ipassingthemontomysister,whowasnowpressedintoservice。Whentheexcavationwasdeepenoughwemadethewallofslabsofwood,roughlyjoinedtogether。Irecallthatwellwithcalmcontent。Itwasnotathingofbeauty,butitwasathoroughlypracticalwell,anditremainedtheonlyonewehadduringthetwelveyearsthefamilyoccupiedthecabin。

  Duringourfirstyeartherewasnoschoolwithintenmilesofus,butthislackfailedtosaddenHarryorme。WehadbroughtwithusfromLawrenceaboxofbooks,inwhich,inwintermonths,whenouroutdoorworkwasrestricted,wefoundmuchcomfort。Theyweretheonlybooksinthatpartofthecountry,andwereadthemuntilweknewthemallbyheart。Moreover,fathersentusregularlytheNewYorkIndependent,andwiththisadmirableliterature,afterreadingit,wepaperedourwalls。

  Thus,onstormydays,wecouldlieonthesettleorthefloorandreadtheIndependentoveragainwithincreasedinterestandpleasure。

  OccasionallyfathersentustheLedger,butheremotherdrewadefiniteline。Shehadaspecialdis—

  likeforthatperiodical,andherseverestcommentonanywomanwasthatshewasthetypewhowould``keepadog,makesaleratusbiscuit,andreadtheNewYorkLedgerinthedaytime。’’OurmodestlibraryalsocontainedseveralhistoriesofGreeceandRome,whichmusthavebeengoodones,foryearslater,whenIenteredcollege,Ipassedmyexaminationinancienthistorywithnootherprep—

  arationthanthisreading。Therewerealsoafewarithmeticsandalgebras,ahistoricalnovelortwo,andtheinevitablecopyofUncleTom’sCabin,whosepagesIhadfreelymoistenedwithmytears。

  Whentheadvantagesofpubliceducationwerefinallyextendedtome,atthirteen,bytheopeningofaschoolthreemilesfromourhome,Iacceptedthemwithgrowingreluctance。Theteacherwasaspinsterforty—fouryearsofageandtheonlygenuine``oldmaid’’Ihaveevermetwhowasnotamarriedwomanoraman。Shewastherealthing,andhername,PrudenceDuncan,seemedthefittinglabelforherrigidlyuncompromisingpersonality。IgracedPrudence’sschoolforthreemonths,andthenleftitatherfervidrequest。IhadwalkedsixmilesadaythroughtracklesswoodsandWesternblizzardstogetwhatshecouldgiveme,butshehadlittletooffermyawakenedandcriticalmind。MyreadingandmyLawrenceschool—workhadalreadytaughtmemorethanPrudenceknew——afactwebothinwardry——admittedandfiercelyresentedfromourdifferentviewpoints。BeyonddoubtIwasapertandtryingyoungperson。IlostnoopportunitytoleadPrudencebeyondherintellectualdepthandleaveherthere,andPrudenceventedherchagrinnotaloneuponme,butuponmylittlebrother。Ibecameathorninherside,andoneday,afteranespeciallyunpleasantepisodeinwhichHarryalsofigured,shepluckedmeout,asitwere,andcastmeforeverfromher。FromthattimeIstudiedathome,whereIwasamuchmorevaluableeconomicfactorthanIhadbeeninschool。

  ThesecondspringafterourarrivalHarryandI

  extendedouroperationsbytappingthesugar—

  bushes,collectingallthesap,andcarryingithomeinpailsslungfromouryoke—ladenshoulders。To—

  getherwemadeonehundredandfiftypoundsofsugarandabarrelofsyrup,buthereagain,asal—

  ways,weworkedinprimitiveways。Togetthesapwechoppedagashinthetreeanddroveinaspile。

  Thenwedugoutatroughtocatchthesap。Itwasnolighttasktoliftthesetroughsfullofsapandemptythesapintobuckets,butwediditsuccess—

  fully,andafterwardbuiltfiresandboileditdown。

  Bythistimewehadalsoclearedsomeofourground,andduringthespringwewereabletoplow,dividingtheworkinawaythatseemedfairtousboth。

  Thesewerestrenuousoccupationsforaboyofnineandagirlofthirteen,but,thoughwewerenotin—

  ordinatelygoodchildren,wenevercomplained;wefoundthemverysatisfactorysubstitutesformorenormalbucolicjoys。Inevitably,wehadourlittletragedies。Ourcowdied,andforanentirewinterwewentwithoutmilk。Ourcoffeesoongaveout,andasasubstitutewemadeandusedamixtureofbrownedpeasandburntrye。Inthewinterwewerealwayscold,andthewaterproblem,untilwehadbuiltourwell,waseverwithus。

  Fatherjoinedusattheendofeighteenmonths,butthoughhispresencegaveuspleasureandmoralsupport,hewasnotanadditiontoourexecutivestaff。Hebroughtwithhimarocking—chairformotherandanewsupplyofbooks,onwhichIfellasastarvingmanfallsuponfood。FatherreadaseagerlyasI,butmuchmoresteadily。Hismindwasalwaysbusywithproblems,andif,whilehewaslaboringinthefield,anewproblempresenteditselftohim,theimperishablecuriositythatwasinhimmadehimscurryatoncetothehousetosolveit。Ihaveknownhimtospendaplantingseasoninfiguringontheproductionofacertainnumberofkernelsofcorn,insteadofplantingthecornandraisingit。Inthewinterhewassupposedtospendhistimeclearinglandfororchardsandthelike,butinsteadheporedoverhisbooksandproblemsdayafterdayandoftenhalfthenightaswell。Itsoonbecameknownamongourneigh—

  bors,whowererapidlyincreasinginnumber,thatwehadbooksandthatfatherliketoreadaloud,andmenwalkedtenmilesormoretospendthenightwithusandlistentohisreading。Often,ashisfamegrew,tenortwelvemenwouldarriveatourcabinonSaturdayandremainoverSunday。Whenmymotheroncetriedtocheckthisinfluxofguestsbymildlypointingout,amongotherthings,thewasteofcandlesrepresentedbyfrequentall—nightreadings,everymanhumblyappearedagainonthefollowingSaturdaywithacandleineachhand。

  Theywerenotsensitive;and,astheyhadbroughttheircandles,itseemedfittingtothemandtofatherthatwegirlsshouldcookforthemandsupplythemwithfood。

  Father’stoleranceofidlenessinothers,however,didnotextendtotoleranceofidlenessinus,andthisledtomyfirstrebellion,whichoccurredwhenIwasfourteen。Foronce,Ihadbeeninthewoodsallday,buriedinmybooks;andwhenIreturnedatnight,stillinthedreamworldthesebookshadopenedtome,fatherwasawaitingmycomingwithabrowdarkwithdisapproval。Asithappened,motherhadfeltthatdaysomespecialneedofme,andfatherreproachedmebitterlyforbeingbeyondreach——anidlerwhowastedtimewhilemotherlabored。HeendedalongarraignmentbypredictinggloomilythatwithsuchtendenciesIwouldmakenothingofmylife。

  Theinjusticeofthecriticismcutdeep;IknewIhaddoneandwasdoingmyshareforthefamily,andalready,too,Ihadbeguntofeelthecallofmycareer。ForsomereasonIwantedtopreach——totalktopeople,totellthemthings。Justwhy,justwhat,Ididnotyetknow——butIhadbeguntopreachinthesilentwoods,tostanduponstumpsandaddresstheunresponsivetrees,tofeelthestirofaspirationwithinme。

  Whenmyfatherhadfinishedallhewishedtosay,Ilookedathimandanswered,quietly,``Father,somedayIamgoingtocollege。’’

  Icanstillseehisslight,ironicalsmile。Itdrovemetoasecondprediction。Iwasyoungenoughtomeasuresuccessbymaterialresults,soIadded,recklessly:

  ``AndbeforeIdieIshallbeworthtenthousanddollars!’’

  Theamountstaggeredmeevenasitdroppedfrommylips。Itwasthelargestfortunemyimaginationcouldconceive,andinmyheartIbelievedthatnowomaneverhadpossessedorwouldpossesssomuch。SofarasIknew,too,nowomanhadgonetocollege。ButnowthatIhadputmysecrethopesintowords,Iwasdesperatelydeterminedtomakethosehopescometrue。AfterIbecameawage—

  earnerIlostmydesiretomakeafortune,butthecollegedreamgrewwiththeyears;andthoughmycollegecareerseemedasremoteasthemostdistantstar,Ihitchedmylittlewagontothatstarandneverafterwardwhollylostsightofitsfriendlygleam。

  WhenIwasfifteenyearsoldIwasofferedasitua—

  tionasschool—teacher。Bythistimethecom—

  munitywasgrowingarounduswiththerapiditycharacteristicoftheseWesternsettlements,andwehadnearerneighborswhosechildrenneededinstruc—

  tion。Ipassedanexaminationbeforeaschool—

  boardconsistingofthreenervousandself—consciousmenwhosecertificateIstillhold,andIatoncebeganmyprofessionalcareeronthemodestsalaryoftwodollarsaweekandmyboard。Theschoolwasfourmilesfrommyhome,soI``boardedround’’

  withthefamiliesofmypupils,stayingtwoweeksineachplace,andoftenwalkingfromthreetosixmilesadaytoandfrommylittlelogschool—houseineverykindofweather。DuringthefirstyearI

  hadaboutfourteenpupils,ofvaryingages,sizes,andtemperaments,andtherewashardlyabookintheschool—roomexceptthoseIowned。Onelittlegirl,Iremember,readfromanalmanac,whileasecondusedahymn—book。

  Inwintertheschool—housewasheatedbyawood—

  stove,towhichtheteacherhadtogiveclosepersonalattention。Icouldnotdependonmypupilstomakethefiresorcarryinthefuel;anditwasoftennecessarytofetchthewoodmyself,sometimesforlongdistancesthroughtheforest。Againandagain,aftermilesofwalkingthroughwinterstorms,I

  reachedtheschool—housewithmyclothingwetthrough,andinthesesoakedgarmentsItaughtduringtheday。In``boardinground’’Ioftenfoundmyselfinone—roomcabins,withbunksattheendandthesolepartitionasheetorablanket,behindwhichIsleptwithoneortwoofthechildren。Itwasthecustomontheseoccasionsforthemanofthehousetodelicatelyretiretothebarnwhilewewomengottobed,andtodisappearagaininthemorningwhilewedressed。InsomeplacesthemealsweresobadlycookedthatIcouldnoteatthem,andoftentheonlyfoodmypoorlittlepupilsbroughttoschoolfortheirnoondaymealwasapieceofbreadorabitofrawpork。

  Iearnedmytwodollarsaweekthatyear,butI

  hadtowaitformywagesuntilthedogtaxwascol—

  lectedinthespring。Whenthemoneywasthusraised,andthetwenty—sixdollarsformythirteenweeksofteachingweregraciouslyputintomyhands,Iwent``outside’’tothenearestshopandjoyouslyspentalmosttheentireamountformyfirst``partydress。’’ThegownIboughtwas,Icon—

  sidered,abeautifulcreation。Incoloritwasarichmagenta,andtheskirtwaselaboratelybraidedwithblackcable—cord。Myadmirationforitwasjusti—

  fied,foritdidallayounggirl’seagerheartcouldaskofanygown——itledtomyfirstproposal。

  Theyouthwhosoughtmyhandwasabouttwentyyearsold,andbyanunhappychancehewasalsotheleastattractiveyoungpersoninthecountry—

  side——thelaughing—stockoftheneighbors,thebuttofhisassociates。Thenighthecametooffermehishearttherewerealreadytwoyoungmenatourhomecallingonmysisters,andwewereallsittingaroundthefireintheliving—roomwhenmysuitorappeared。Hiscostume,likehimself,leftmuchtobedesired。Heworeablueflannelshirtandapairoftrousersmadeofflour—bags。Suchtrouserswerenotuncommoninourregion,andtheboy’smother,whohadmadethemforhim,hadthoughtfullyselectedanicecleanpairofsacks。Butononelegwasthenameofthefirmthatmadetheflour——A。andG。W。Green——andbyacharmingcoincidenceA。

  andG。W。Greenhappenedtobethetwoyoungmenwhowerecallingonmysisters!Onthebackofthebags,directlyintherearofthewearer,wasthesimplelegend,``96pounds’’;andthestrikingeffectoftheyoungman’scostumewascompletedbyabrightyellowsashwhichheldhistrousersinplace。

  Thevisionfascinatedmysistersandtheirtwoguests。Theygaveittheirentireattention,andwhenthenew—comersignifiedwithaneloquentges—

  turethathewascallingonme,andbeckonedmeintoaninnerroom,thequartetaroseasonepersonandfollowedustothedoor。Then,asweinhospit—

  ablyclosedthedoor,theyfastenedtheireyestothecracksintheliving—roomwall,thattheymightmissnoneoftheentertainment。WhenwewerealonemyguestandIsatdowninfacingchairsandindepressedsilence。Theyoungmanwasnervous,andIwasbothfrightenedandannoyed。Ihadheardsuppressedgigglesontheothersideofthewall,andIrealized,asmyself—centeredvisitorfailedtodo,thatwewerenotenjoyingtheprivacythesituationseemedtodemand。Atlasttheyouthin—

  formedmethathis``dad’’hadjustgivenhimacabin,ayokeofsteers,acow,andsomehens。Whenthisannouncementhadproduceditsfulleffect,hestraightenedupinhischairandasked,solemnly,``Willyehaveme?’’

  Anoutburstofchortlesfromtheothersideofthewallgreetedtheproposal,buttheardentyouthignoredit,ifindeedheheardit。Witheyesstaringstraightahead,hesatrigid,waitingformyanswer;

  andI,anxiousonlytogetridofhimandtoendthestrainofthemoment,saidthefirstthingthatcameintomyhead。``Ican’t,’’Itoldhim。``I’msorry,but——but——I’mengaged。’’

  Herosequickly,withtheeffectofahalf—closedjack—knifethatissuddenlyopened,andforanin—

  stantstoodlookingdownuponme。Hewassixfeettwoinchestall,andextremelythin。Iamveryshort,and,asIlookedup,hisflour—bagtrousersseemedtojoinhisyellowsashsomewhereneartheceilingoftheroom。Heputbothhandsintohispocketsandslowlydeliveredhisvaledictory。``That’sdarneddis—

  appointingtoafellow,’’hesaid,andleftthehouse。

  AfteramomentdevotedtoregainingmymaidenlycomposureIreturnedtotheliving—room,whereI

  hadtheprivilegeofobservingtheenjoymentofmysistersandtheirvisitors。Helplesswithmirthandwithtearsofpleasureontheircheeks,thefourrockedandshriekedastheyrecalledthepicturemygallanthadpresented。ForsometimeafterthatincidentIfeltastrongdistasteforsentiment。

  Cladroyallyinthenewgown,IattendedmyfirstballinNovember,goingwithapartyofeightthatincludedmytwosisters,anothergirl,andfouryoungmen。TheballwasatBigRapids,whichbythistimehadgrowntobeathrivinglumbertown。Itwasimpossibletogetateamofhorsesorevenayokeofoxenforthejourney,sowemadearaftandwentdowntheriveronthat,takingourpartydresseswithusintrunks。Unfortunately,theraft``hungup’’inthestream,andthefouryoungmenhadtogetoutintotheicywaterandworkalongtimebeforetheycoulddetachitfromtherocks。Natu—

  rally,theyweresoakedandchilledthrough,buttheyallboretheexperiencewithagayphilosophy。

  WhenwereachedBigRapidswedressedfortheball,and,asinthosedaysitwascustomarytochangeone’sgownagainatmidnight,Ihadanop—

  portunitytoburstontheassemblageintwocos—

  tumes——thesecondmadeofbedroomchintz,withalowneckandshortsleeves。Wedancedthe``moneymusk,’’andthe``Virginiareel,’’``hoeingherdown’’(whichmeanschangingpartners)intruepioneerstyle。Inevermissedadanceatthisoranysubsequentaffair,andIwasconsideredthegayestandthemosttirelessyoungpersonatourpartiesuntilIbecameaMethodistministeranddroppedsuchworldlyvanities。ThefirsttimeI

  preachedinmyhomeregionallmyformerpartnerscametohearme,andlistenedwithwide,understand—

  ing,reminiscentsmileswhichmadeitveryhardformetokeepsoberlytomytext。

  InthenearfutureIhadreasontoregrettheex—

  travagantexpenditureofmyfirstearnings。Formysecondyearofteaching,inthesameschool,I

  wastoreceivefivedollarsaweekandtopaymyownboard。Iselectedaplacetwomilesandahalffromtheschool—house,andwaspromptlyaskedbymyhosttopaymyboardinadvance。This,heex—

  plained,wasduetonolackoffaithinme;themoneywouldenablehimtogo``outside’’towork,leavinghisfamilywellsuppliedwithprovisions。I

  allowedhimtogototheschoolcommitteeandcol—

  lectmyboardinadvance,attherateofthreedol—

  larsaweekfortheseason。WhenIpresentedmyselfatmynewboarding—place,however,twodayslater,Ifoundthehousenailedupanddeserted;themanandhisfamilyhaddepartedwithmymoney,andIwasleft,asmycommitteemensympatheticallyremarked,``highanddry。’’Therewereonlytwodollarsaweekcomingtomeafterthat,soIwalkedbackandforthbetweenmyhomeandmyschool,almostfourmiles,twiceaday;andduringthisen—

  forcedexercisetherewasampleopportunitytore—

  flectonthefleetingjoyofriches。

  Inthemeantimewarhadbeendeclared。WhenthenewscamethatFortSumterhadbeenfiredon,andthatLincolnhadcalledfortroops,ourmenwerethreshing。Therewasonlyonethreshing—

  machineintheregionatthattime,anditwentfromplacetoplace,thefarmersdoingtheirthresh—

  ingwhenevertheycouldgetthemachine。Ire—

  memberseeingamanrideuponhorseback,shout—

  ingoutLincoln’sdemandfortroopsandexplainingthataregimentwasbeingformedatBigRapids。

  Beforehehadfinishedspeakingthemenonthema—

  chinehadleapedtothegroundandrushedofftoenlist,mybrotherJack,whohadrecentlyjoinedus,amongthem。Intenminutesnotonemanwasleftinthefield。AfewmonthslatermybrotherTomenlistedasabugler——hewasamereboyatthetime——

  andnotlongafterthatmyfatherfollowedtheexampleofhissonsandserveduntilthewarwasended。Hehadenteredonthetwenty—ninthofAugust,1862,asanarmysteward;hecamebacktouswiththerankoflieutenantandassistantsurgeonoffieldandstaff。

  BetweenthoseyearsIwastheprincipalsupportofourfamily,andlifebecameastrenuousandtragicaffair。Formonthsatatimewehadnonewsfromthefront。Theworkinourcommunity,ifitwasdoneatall,wasdonebydespairingwomenwhoseheartswerewiththeirmen。Whencarehadbecomeourconstantguest,Deathenteredourhomeaswell。

  MysisterEleanorhadmarried,anddiedinchildbirth,leavingherbabytome;andtheblackesthoursofthoseblackyearswerethehoursthatsawherpass—

  ing。Icanseeherstill,lyinginastuporfromwhichsherousedherselfatintervalstoaskaboutherchild。

  SheinsistedthatourbrotherTomshouldnamethebaby,butTomwasfightingforhiscountry,unlesshehadalreadyprecededEleanorthroughthewideportalthatwasopeningbeforeher。IcouldonlytellherthatIhadwrittentohim;butbeforetheassurancewasanhouroldshewouldclimbupfromthegulfofunconsciousnesswithinfiniteefforttoaskifwehadreceivedhisreply。Atlast,tocalmher,Itoldherithadcome,andthatTomhadchosenforherlittlesonthenameofArthur。Shesmiledatthisanddrewadeepbreath;then,stillsmiling,shepassedaway。Herbabyslippedintohervacantplaceandalmostfilledourheavyhearts,butonlyforashorttime;forwithinafewmonthsafterhismother’sdeathhisfathermarriedagainandtookhimfromme,anditseemedthatwithhisgoingwehadlostallthatmadelifeworthwhile。

  Theproblemoflivinggrewharderwithevery—

  day。Weekedoutourlittleincomeineverywaywecould,takingasboarderstheworkersinthelog—

  ging—camps,makingquilts,whichwesold,andlosingnochancetoearnapennyinanylegitimatemanner。

  Againmymotherdidsuchoutsidesewingasshecouldsecure,yetwitheverymonthofoureffortthegulfbetweenourincomeandourexpensesgrewwider,andthepriceofthebarenecessitiesofexis—

  ence{sic}climbedupandup。ThelargestamountI

  couldearnatteachingwassixdollarsaweek,andourschoolyearincludedonlytwotermsofthir—

  teenweekseach。Itwasanincessantstruggletokeepourland,topayourtaxes,andtolive。Cal—

  icowassellingatfiftycentsayard。Coffeewasonedollarapound。Therewerenomenlefttogrindourcorn,togetinourcrops,ortocareforourlivestock;andallarounduswesawourstrugglereflectedinthelivesofourneighbors。

  Atlongintervalswordcametousofbattlesinwhichmyfather’sregiment——theTenthMichiganCavalryVolunteers——orthoseofmybrotherswereengaged,andthenlongerintervalsfollowedinwhichweheardnonews。AfterEleanor’sdeathmybrotherTomwaswounded,andformonthswelivedinterrorofworsetidings,buthefinallyrecovered。

  Iwaswalkingsevenandeightmilesaday,anddoingextraworkbeforeandafterschoolhours,andmyhealthbegantofail。ThosewereyearsIdonotliketolookbackupon——yearsinwhichlifehadde—

  generatedintoatreadmillwhosemonotonywasbrokenonlybythegrimmessagesfromthefront。

  MysisterMarymarriedandwenttoBigRapidstolive。Ihadnotimetodreammydream,butthestarofmyonepurposestillglowedinmydarkhorizon。

  Itseemedthatnothingshortofamiraclecouldliftmyfeetfromtheirploddingwayandsetthemonthewiderpathtowardwhichmyeyeswereturned,butIneverlostfaiththatinsomemannerthemiraclewouldcometopass。AscertainlyasIhaveeverknownanything,IKNEWthatIwasgoingtocollege!

  III

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