“Ah!heisyoung？“
“Certainly，mademoiselle……thoughyoung，heisoneofthemostdistinguishedmeninSpain。“
Iscannedthehousemeanwhilethroughmyopera-glass，andseemedtolendaninattentiveeartothesecretary；but，betweenourselves，I
waswretchedathavingburnthisletter。Inwhattermswouldamanlikethatexpresshislove？Forhedoesloveme。Tobeloved，adoredinsecret；toknowthatinthishouse，whereallthegreatmenofPariswerecollected，therewasoneentirelydevotedtome，unknowntoeverybody!Ah!Renee，nowIunderstandthelifeofParis，itsballs，anditsgaieties。Itallflashedonmeinthetruelight。Whenwelove，wemusthavesociety，wereitonlytosacrificeittoourlove。
Ifeltadifferentcreature——andsuchahappyone!Myvanity，pride，self-love，——allwereflattered。HeavenknowswhatglancesIcastupontheaudience!
“Littlerogue!“theDuchesswhisperedinmyearwithasmile。
Yes，Renee，mywilymotherhaddecipheredthehiddenjoyinmybearing，andIcouldonlyhauldownmyflagbeforesuchfemininestrategy。ThosetwowordstaughtmemoreofworldlywisdomthanIhavebeenabletopickupinayear——forweareinMarchnow。Alas!nomoreItalianoperainanothermonth。Howwilllifebepossiblewithoutthatheavenlymusic，whenone’sheartisfulloflove？
WhenIgothome，mydear，withdeterminationworthyofaChaulieu，I
openedmywindowtowatchashowerofrain。Oh!ifmenknewthemagicspellthataheroicactionthrowsoverus，theywouldindeedrisetogreatness!apoltroonwouldturnhero!WhatIhadlearnedaboutmySpaniarddrovemeintoaveryfever。Ifeltcertainthathewasthere，readytoaimanotherletteratme。
Iwasright，andthistimeIburntnothing。Here，then，isthefirstlove-letterIhavereceived，madamelogician：eachtoherkind：——
“Louise，itisnotforyourpeerlessbeautyIloveyou，norforyourgiftedmind，yournoblefeeling，thewondrouscharmofallyousayanddo，noryetforyourpride，yourqueenlyscornofbasermortals——aprideblentinyouwithcharity，forwhatangelcouldbemoretender？——Louise，Iloveyoubecause，forthesakeofapoorexile，youhaveunbentthisloftymajesty，becausebyagesture，aglance，youhavebroughtconsolationtoamansofarbeneathyouthattheutmosthecouldhopeforwasyourpity，thepityofagenerousheart。Youaretheonewomanwhoseeyeshaveshonewithatendererlightwhenbentonme。
“Andbecauseyouletfallthisglance——ameregrainofdust，yetagracesurpassinganybestowedonmewhenIstoodatthesummitofasubject’sambition——Ilongtotellyou，Louise，howdearyouaretome，andthatmyloveisforyourselfalone，withoutathoughtbeyond，alovethatfarmorethanfulfilstheconditionslaiddownbyyouforanidealpassion。
“Know，then，idolofmyhighestheaven，thatthereisintheworldanoffshootoftheSaracenrace，whoselifeisinyourhands，whowillreceiveyourordersasaslave，anddeemitanhonortoexecutethem。Ihavegivenmyselftoyouabsolutelyandforthemerejoyofgiving，forasingleglanceofyoureye，foratouchofthehandwhichonedayyouofferedtoyourSpanishmaster。Iambutyourservitor，Louise；Iclaimnomore。
“No，IdarenotthinkthatIcouldeverbeloved；butperchancemydevotionmaywinformetoleration。Sincethatmorningwhenyousmileduponmewithgenerousgirlishimpulse，diviningthemiseryofmylonelyandrejectedheart，youreigntherealone。Youaretheabsoluterulerofmylife，thequeenofmythoughts，thegodofmyheart；Ifindyouinthesunshineofmyhome，thefragranceofmyflowers，thebalmoftheairIbreathe，thepulsingofmyblood，thelightthatvisitsmeinsleep。
“Onethoughtalonetroubledthishappiness——yourignorance。Allunknowntoyouwasthisboundlessdevotion，thetrustyarm，theblindslave，thesilenttool，thewealth——forhenceforthallI
possessismineonlyasatrust——whichlayatyourdisposal；
unknowntoyou，theheartwaitingtoreceiveyourconfidence，andyearningtoreplaceallthatyourlifeIknowitwellhaslacked——theliberalancestress，soreadytomeetyourneeds，afathertowhomyoucouldlookforprotectionineverydifficulty，afriend，abrother。Thesecretofyourisolationisnosecrettome!IfI
ambold，itisbecauseIlongthatyoushouldknowhowmuchisyours。
“Takeall，Louise，andissodoingbestowonmetheonelifepossibleformeinthisworld——thelifeofdevotion。Inplacingtheyokeonmyneck，yourunnorisk；Iasknothingbutthejoyofknowingmyselfyours。Needlesseventosayyouwillneverloveme；
itcannotbeotherwise。Imustloveyoufromafar，withouthope，withoutrewardbeyondmyownlove。
“Inmyanxietytoknowwhetheryouwillacceptmeasyourservant，Ihaverackedmybraintofindsomewayinwhichyoumaycommunicatewithmewithoutanydangerofcompromisingyourself。
Injurytoyourself-respecttherecanbenoneinsanctioningadevotionwhichhasbeenyoursformanydayswithoutyourknowledge。Letthis，then，bethetoken。Attheoperathisevening，ifyoucarryinyourhandabouquetconsistingofoneredandonewhitecamellia——emblemofaman’sbloodattheserviceofthepurityheworships——thatwillbemyanswer。Iasknomore；
thenceforth，atanymoment，tenyearshenceorto-morrow，whateveryoudemandshallbedone，sofarasitispossibleformantodoit，byyourhappyservant，“FELIPEHENAREZ。“
/P。S。/——Youmustadmit，dear，thatgreatlordsknowhowtolove!SeethespringoftheAfricanlion!Whatrestrainedfire!Whatloyalty!
Whatsincerity!Howhighasoulinlowestate!IfeltquitesmallanddazedasIsaidtomyself，“WhatshallIdo？“
Itisthemarkofagreatmanthatheputstoflightallordinarycalculations。Heisatoncesublimeandtouching，childlikeandoftheraceofgiants。InasingleletterHenarezhasoutstrippedvolumesfromLovelaceorSaint-Preux。Hereistruelove，nobeatingaboutthebush。Lovemaybeoritmaynot，butwhereitis，itoughttorevealitselfinitsimmensity。
HereamI，shornofallmylittlearts!Torefuseoraccept!Thatisthealternativeboldlypresentedme，withouttheghostofanopeningforamiddlecourse。Nofencingallowed!ThisisnolongerParis；weareintheheartofSpainorthefarEast。ItisthevoiceofAbencerrage，anditisthescimitar，thehorse，andtheheadofAbencerragewhichheoffers，prostratebeforeaCatholicEve!ShallI
acceptthislastdescendantoftheMoors？ReadagainandagainhisHispano-Saracenicletter，Reneedear，andyouwillseehowlovemakesacleansweepofalltheJudaicbargainsofyourphilosophy。
Renee，yourletterliesheavyonmyheart；youhavevulgarizedlifeforme。WhatneedhaveIforfinessing？AmInotmistressforalltimeofthislionwhoseroardiesoutinplaintiveandadoringsighs？Ah!
howhemusthaveragedinhislairoftheRueHillerin-Bertin!Iknowwherehelives，Ihavehiscard：/F。，BarondeMacumer/。
Hehasmadeitimpossibleformetoreply。AllIcandoistoflingtwocamelliasinhisface。Whatfiendishartsdoeslovepossess——pure，honest，simple-mindedlove!Hereisthemosttremendouscrisisofawoman’sheartresolvedintoaneasy，simpleaction。Oh，Asia!Ihavereadthe/ArabianNights/，hereistheirveryessence：twoflowers，andthequestionissettled。Weclearthefourteenvolumesof/ClarissaHarlowe/withabouquet。Iwrithebeforethisletter，likeathreadinthefire。Totake，ornottotake，mytwocamellias。YesorNo，killorgivelife!Atlastavoicecriestome，“Testhim!“AndI
willtesthim。
Iamdressedinwhite——whitecamelliasinmyhair，andanotherinmyhand。Mymotherhasredcamellias；soitwouldnotbeimpossibletotakeonefromher——ifIwished!Ihaveastrangelongingtoputoffthedecisiontothelastmoment，andmakehimpayforhisredcamelliabyalittlesuspense。
Whatavisionofbeauty!Griffithbeggedmetostopforalittleandbeadmired。Thesolemncrisisoftheeveningandthedramaofmysecretreplyhavegivenmeacolor；oneachcheekIsportaredcamellialaiduponawhite!
1A。M。
Everybodyadmiredme，butonlyoneadored。HehunghisheadasI
enteredwithawhitecamellia，butturnedpaleastheflowerwhen，later，Itookaredonefrommymother’shand。Toarrivewiththetwoflowersmightpossiblyhavebeenaccidental；butthisdeliberateactionwasareply。Myconfession，therefore，isfullerthanitneedhavebeen。
Theoperawas/RomeoandJuliet/。Asyoudon’tknowtheduetofthetwolovers，youcan’tunderstandtheblissoftwoneophytesinlove，astheylistentothisdivineoutpouringoftheheart。
OnreturninghomeIwenttobed，butonlytocountthestepswhichresoundedonthesidewalk。Myheartandhead，darling，areallonfirenow。Whatishedoing？Whatishethinkingof？Hasheathought，asinglethought，thatisnotofme？Ishe，inverytruth，thedevotedslavehepaintedhimself？Howtobesure？Or，again，hasiteverenteredhisheadthat，ifIaccepthim，Ilaymyselfopentotheshadowofareproachoraminanysenserewardingorthankinghim？I
amharrowedbythehair-splittingcasuistryoftheheroinesin/Cyrus/
and/Astraea/，byallthesubtleargumentsofthecourtoflove。
Hasheanyideathat，inaffairsoflove，awoman’smosttriflingactionsarebuttheissueoflongbroodingandinnerconflicts，ofvictorieswononlytobelost!Whatarehisthoughtsatthismoment？
HowcanIgivehimmyorderstowriteeveryeveningtheparticularsofthedayjustgone？HeismyslavewhomIoughttokeepbusy。Ishalldelugehimwithwork!
SundayMorning。
OnlytowardsmorningdidIsleepalittle。Itismiddaynow。IhavejustgotGriffithtowritethefollowingletter：
“/TotheBarondeMacumer/。
“MademoiselledeChaulieubegsme，MonsieurleBaron，toaskyoutoreturntoherthecopyofaletterwrittentoherbyafriend，whichisinherownhandwriting，andwhichyoucarriedaway——
Believeme，etc。，“GRIFFITH。“
Mydear，Griffithhasgoneout；shehasgonetotheRueHillerin-
Bertin；shehadhandedinthislittlelove-letterformyslave，whoreturnedtomeinanenvelopemysweetportrait，stainedwithtears。
Hehasobeyed。Oh!mysweet，itmusthavebeendeartohim!Anothermanwouldhaverefusedtosenditinaletterfullofflattery；buttheSaracenhasfulfilledhispromises。Hehasobeyed。Itmovesmetotears。
Yesterdaytheweatherwassplendid。Idressedmyselflikeagirlwhowantstolookherbestinhersweetheart’seyes。Myfather，yieldingtomyentreaties，hasgivenmetheprettiestturnoutinParis——twodapple-grayhorsesandabarouche，whichisamasterpieceofelegance。
Iwasmakingafirsttrialofthis，andpeepedoutlikeaflowerfromundermysunshadelinedwithwhitesilk。
AsIdroveuptheavenueoftheChamps-Elysees，IsawmyAbencerrageapproachingonanextraordinarilybeautifulhorse。Almosteverymannowadaysisafinishedjockey，andtheyallstoppedtoadmireandinspectit。Hebowedtome，andonreceivingafriendlysignofencouragement，slackenedhishorse’spacesothatIwasabletosaytohim：
“Youarenotvexedwithmeforaskingformyletter；itwasnousetoyou。“Theninalowervoice，“Youhavealreadytranscendedtheideal……Yourhorsemakesyouanobjectofgeneralinterest，“Iwentonaloud。
“MystewardinSardiniasentittome。Heisveryproudofit；forthishorse，whichisofArabblood，wasborninmystables。“
Thismorning，mydear，HenarezwasonanEnglishsorrel，alsoveryfine，butnotsuchastoattractattention。Mylight，mockingwordshaddonetheirwork。HebowedtomeandIrepliedwithaslightinclinationofthehead。
TheDucd’AngoulemehasboughtMacumer’shorse。Myslaveunderstoodthathewasdesertingtheroleofsimplicitybyattractingthenoticeofthecrowd。Amanoughttoberemarkedforwhatheis，notforhishorse，oranythingelsebelongingtohim。Tohavetoobeautifulahorseseemstomeapieceofbadtaste，justasmuchaswearingahugediamondpin。Iwasdelightedatbeingabletofindfaultwithhim。
Perhapstheremayhavebeenatouchofvanityinwhathedid，veryexcusableinapoorexile，andIliketoseethischildishness。
Oh!mydearoldpreacher，domyloveaffairsamuseyouasmuchasyourdismalphilosophygivesmethecreeps？DearPhiliptheSecondinpetticoats，areyoucomfortableinmybarouche？Doyouseethosevelveteyes，humble，yetsoeloquent，andgloryingintheirservitude，whichflashonmeassomeonegoesby？Heisahero，Renee，andhewearsmylivery，andalwaysaredcamelliainhisbuttonhole，whileI
havealwaysawhiteoneinmyhand。
Howcleareverythingbecomesinthelightoflove!HowwellIknowmyParisnow!Itisalltransfusedwithmeaning。Andlovehereislovelier，grander，morebewitchingthanelsewhere。
IamconvincednowthatIcouldneverflirtwithafoolormakeanyimpressiononhim。Itisonlymenofrealdistinctionwhocanenterintoourfeelingsandfeelourinfluence。Oh!mypoorfriend，forgiveme。Iforgotourl’Estorade。Butdidn’tyoutellmeyouweregoingtomakeageniusofhim？Iknowwhatthatmeans。Youwilldrynursehimtillsomedayheisabletounderstandyou。
Good-bye。Iamalittleoffmyhead，andmuststop。