Jesus，saysI……BillingtonexecutedtheawfulmurdererToadSmith……
Thecitizenmadeagrabattheletter。
Holdhard，saysJoe，ihaveaspecialnackofputtingthenooseonceinhecan’tgetouthopingtobefavourediremain，honouredsir’
myteasisfiveginnese。
H。Rumbold，MasterBarber。Andabarbarousbloodybarbarianheistoo，saysthecitizen。
Andthedirtyscrawlofthewretch，saysJoe。Here，sayshe，takethemtohelloutofmysight，Alf。Hello，Bloom，sayshe，whatwillyouhave？
Sotheystartedarguingaboutthepoint，Bloomsayinghewouldn’tandcouldn’tandexcusehimnooffenceandalltothatandthenhesaidwellhe’djusttakeacigar。Gob，he’saprudentmemberandnomistake。
Giveusoneofyourprimestinkers，Terry，saysJoe。
AndAlfwastellingustherewasonechapsentinamourningcardwithablackborderroundit。
They’reallbarbers，sayshe，fromtheblackcountrythatwouldhangtheirownfathersforfivequiddownandtravellingexpenses。
Andhewastellingusthere’stwofellowswaitingbelowtopullhisheelsdownwhenhegetsthedropandchokehimproperlyandthentheychopuptheropeafterandsellthebitsforafewbobaskull。
Inthedarklandtheybide，thevengefulknightsoftherazor。Theirdeadlycoiltheygrasp：yea，andthereintheyleadtoErebuswhatsoeverwighthathdoneadeedofbloodforIwillonnowisesufferitevensosaiththeLord。
SotheystartedtalkingaboutcapitalpunishmentandofcourseBloomcomesoutwiththewhyandthewhereforeandallthecodologyofthebusinessandtheolddogsmellinghimallthetimeI’mtoldthoseJewiesdoeshaveasortofaqueerodourcomingoffthemfordogsaboutIdon’tknowwhatalldeterrenteffectandsoforthandsoon。
There’sonethingithasn’tadeterrenteffecton，saysAlf。
What’sthat？saysJoe。
Thepoorbugger’stoolthat’sbeinghanged，saysAlf。
Thatso？saysJoe。
God’struth，saysAlf。IheardthatfromtheheadwarderthatwasinKilmainhamwhentheyhangedJoeBrady，theinvincible。Hetoldmewhentheycuthimdownafterthedropitwasstandingupintheirfaceslikeapoker。
Rulingpassionstrongindeath，saysJoe，assomeonesaid。
Thatcanbeexplainedbyscience，saysBloom。It’sonlyanaturalphenomenon，don’tyousee，becauseonaccountofthe……
Andthenhestartswithhisjawbreakersaboutphenomenonandscienceandthisphenomenonandtheotherphenomenon。
ThedistinguishedscientistHerrProfessorLuitpoldBlumendufttenderedmedicalevidencetotheeffectthattheinstantaneousfractureofthecervicalvertebraeandconsequentscissionofthespinalcordwould，accordingtothebestapprovedtraditionsofmedicalscience，becalculatedtoinevitablyproduceinthehumansubjectaviolentganglionicstimulusofthenervecentres，causingtheporesofthecobracavernosatorapidlydilateinsuchawayastoinstantaneouslyfacilitatetheflowofbloodtothatpartofthehumananatomyknownasthepenisormaleorganresultinginthephenomenonwhichhasbeendominatedbythefacultyamorbidupwardsandoutwardsphiloprogenitiveerectioninarticulomortisperdiminutionemcapitis。
SoofcoursethecitizenwasonlywaitingforthewinkofthewordandhestartsgassingoutofhimabouttheinvinciblesandtheoldguardandthemenofsixtysevenandwhofearstospeakofninetyeightandJoewithhimaboutallthefellowsthatwerehanged，drawnandtransportedforthecausebydrumheadcourtmartialandanewIrelandandnewthis，thatandtheother。TalkingaboutnewIrelandheoughttogoandgetanewdogsoheought。MangyravenousbrutesnifflingandsneezingallroundtheplaceandscratchinghisscabsandroundhegoestoBobDoranthatwasstandingAlfahalfonesuckingupforwhathecouldget。SoofcourseBobDoranstartsdoingthebloodyfoolwithhim：
Giveusthepaw！Givethepaw，doggy！Goodolddoggy。Giveusthepawhere！Giveusthepaw！
Arrah！bloodyendtothepawhe’dpawandAlftryingtokeephimfromtumblingoffthebloodystoolatopofthebloodyolddogandhetalkingallkindsofdrivelabouttrainingbykindnessandthoroughbreddogandintelligentdog：giveyouthebloodypip。ThenhestartsscrapingafewbitsofoldbiscuitoutofthebottomofaJacob’stinhetoldTerrytobring。Gob，hegollopeditdownlikeoldbootsandhistonguehangingoutofhimayardlongformore。Nearatethetinandall，hungrybloodymongrel。
AndthecitizenandBloomhavinganargumentaboutthepoint，thebrothersShearesandWolfeTonebeyondonArbourHillandRobertEmmetanddieforyourcountry，theTommyMooretouchaboutSaraCurranandshe’sfarfromtheland。AndBloom，ofcourse，withhisknockmedowncigarputtingonswankwithhislardyface。Phenomenon！Thefatheaphemarriedisaniceoldphenomenonwithabackonherlikeaballalley。TimetheywerestoppingupintheCityArmsPisserBurketoldmetherewasanoldonetherewithacrackedloodheramaunofanephewandBloomtryingtogetthesoftsideofherdoingthemollycoddleplayingbé；ziquetocomeinforabitofthewampuminherwillandnoteatingmeatofaFridaybecausetheoldonewasalwaysthumpinghercrawandtakingtheloutoutforawalk。AndonetimeheledhimtheroundsofDublinand，bytheholyfarmer，henevercriedcracktillhebroughthimhomeasdrunkasaboiledowlandhesaidhedidittoteachhimtheevilsofalcoholandbyherringsifthethreewomendidn’tnearroasthimit’saqueerstory，theoldone，Bloom’swifeandMrsO’Dowdthatkeptthehotel。Jesus，IhadtolaughatPisserBurketakingthemoffchewingthefatandBloomwithhisbutdon’tyousee？andbutontheotherhand。Andsure，morebetoken，theloutI’mtoldwasinPower’safter，theblender’s，roundinCopestreetgoinghomefootlessinacabfivetimesintheweekafterdrinkinghiswaythroughallthesamplesinthebloodyestablishment。Phenomenon！
Thememoryofthedead，saysthecitizentakinguphispintglassandglaringatBloom。
Ay，ay，saysJoe。
Youdon’tgraspmypoint，saysBloom。WhatImeanis……
SinnFein！saysthecitizen。Sinnfeinamhain！Thefriendswelovearebyoursideandthefoeswehatebeforeus。
Thelastfarewellwasaffectingintheextreme。Fromthebelfriesfarandnearthefunerealdeathbelltolledunceasinglywhileallaroundthegloomyprecinctsrolledtheominouswarningofahundredmuffleddrumspunctuatedbythehollowboomingofpiecesofordnance。Thedeafeningclapsofthunderandthedazzlingflashesoflightningwhichlituptheghastlyscenetestifiedthattheartilleryofheavenhadlentitssupernaturalpomptothealreadygruesomespectacle。Atorrentialrainpoureddownfromthefloodgatesoftheangryheavensuponthebaredheadsoftheassembledmultitudewhichnumberedatthelowestcomputationfivehundredthousandpersons。AposseofDublinMetropolitanpolicesuperintendedbytheChiefCommissionerinpersonmaintainedorderinthevastthrongforwhomtheYorkStreetbrassandreedbandwhiledawaytheinterveningtimebyadmirablyrenderingontheirblackdrapedinstrumentsthematchlessmelodyendearedtousfromthecradlebySperanza’splaintivemuse。Specialquickexcursiontrainsandupholsteredcharabancshadbeenprovidedforthecomfortofourcountrycousinsofwhomtherewerelargecontingents。ConsiderableamusementwascausedbythefavouriteDublinstreetsingersL-n-h-nandM-ll-g-nwhosangTheNightbeforeLarrywasstretchedintheirusualmirth-provokingfashion。OurtwoinimitabledrollsdidaroaringtradewiththeirbroadsheetsamongloversofthecomedyelementandnobodywhohasacornerinhisheartforrealIrishfunwithoutvulgaritywillgrudgethemtheirhardearnedpennies。ThechildrenoftheMaleandFemaleFoundlingHospitalwhothrongedthewindowsoverlookingthesceneweredelightedwiththisunexpectedadditiontotheday’sentertainmentandawordofpraiseisduetotheLittleSistersofthePoorfortheirexcellentideaofaffordingthepoorfatherlessandmotherlesschildrenagenuinelyinstructivetreat。TheviceregalhousepartywhichincludedmanywellknownladieswaschaperonedbyTheirExcellenciestothemostfavourablepositionsonthegrandstandwhilethepicturesqueforeigndelegationknownastheFriendsoftheEmeraldIslewasaccommodatedonatribunedirectlyopposite。
Thedelegation，presentinfullforce，consistedofCommendatoreBacibaciBeninobenonethesemi-paralyseddoyenofthepartywhohadtobeassistedtohisseatbytheaidofapowerfulsteamcrane，MonsieurPierrepaulPetité；patant，theGrandjokerVladinmirePokethankertscheff，theArchjokerLeopoldRudolphvonSchwanzenbad-Hodenthaler，CountessMarhaVirdgaKisá；szonyPutrá；pesthi，HiramY。Bomboost，CountAthanatosKaramelopulos。AliBabaBacksheeshRahatLokumEffendi，Señ；orHidalgoCaballeroDonPecadilloyPalabrasyPaternosterdelaMaloradelaMalaria，HokopokoHarakiri，HiHungChang，OlafKobberkeddelsen，MynheerTrikvanTrumps，PanPoleaxePaddyrisky，GoosepondPrhklstrKratchinabritchisitch，HerrHurhausdirektorprasidentHansChuechli-Steuerli，NationalgymnasiummuseumsanatoriumandsuspensoriumsordinaryprivatdocentgeneralhistoryspecialprofessordoctorKriegfriedUeberallgemein。Allthedelegateswithoutexceptionexpressedthemselvesinthestrongestpossibleheterogeneoustermsconcerningthenamelessbarbaritywhichtheyhadbeencalledupontowitness。AnanimatedaltercationinwhichalltookpartensuedamongF。O。T。E。I。astowhethertheeighthortheninthofMarchwasthecorrectdateofthebirthofIreland’spatronsaint。Inthecourseoftheargumentcannonballs，scimitars，boomerangs，blunderbusses，stinkpots，meatchoppers，umbrellas，catapults，knuckledusters，sandbags，lumpsofpigironwereresortedtoandblowswerefreelyexchanged。
Thebabypoliceman，ConstableMacFadden，summonedbyspecialcourierfromBooterstown，quicklyrestoredorderandwithlightningpromptitudeproposedtheseventeenthofthemonthasasolutionequallyhonourableforbothcontendingparties。Thereadywittedninefooter’ssuggestionatonceappealedtoallandwasunanimouslyaccepted。ConstableMacFaddenwasheartilycongratulatedbyalltheF。O。T。E。I。，severalofwhomwerebleedingprofusely。CommendatoreBeninobenonehavingbeenextricatedfromunderneaththepresidentialarmchair，ItwasexplainedbyhislegaladviserAvvocatoPagamimithatthevariousarticlessecretedinhisthirtytwopocketshadbeenabstractedbyhimduringtheaffrayfromthepocketsofhisJuniorcolleaguesinthehopeofbringingthemtotheirsenses。Theobjectswhichincludedseveralhundredladies’
andgentlemen’sgoldandsilverwatcheswerepromptlyrestoredtotheirrightfulownersandgeneralharmonyreignedsupreme。
Quietly，unassumingly，RumboldsteppedontothescaffoldinfaultlessmorningdressandwearinghisfavouriteflowertheGladiolusCruentus。
HeannouncedhispresencebythatgentleRumboldiancoughwhichsomanyhavetriedunsuccessfullytoimitate-short，painstakingyetwithalsocharacteristicoftheman。Thearrivaloftheworld-renownedheadsmanwasgreetedbyaroarofacclamationfromthehugeconcourse，theviceregalladieswavingtheirhandkerchiefsintheirexcitementwhiletheevenmoreexcitableforeigndelegatescheeredvociferouslyinamedleyofcries，hoch，banzai，eljen，zivio，chinchin，pollakronia，hiphip，vive，Allah，amidwhichtheringingevvivaofthedelegateofthelandofsongahighdoubleFrecallingthosepiercinglylovelynoteswithwhichtheeunuchCatalanibeglamouredourgreatgreatgrandmotherswaseasilydistinguishable。
Itwasexactlyseventeeno’clock。Thesignalforprayerwasthenpromptlygivenbymegaphoneandinaninstantallheadswerebared，thecommendatore’spatriarchalsombrero，whichhasbeeninthepossessionofhisfamilysincetherevolutionofRienzi，beingremovedbyhismedicaladviserinattendance，DrPippi。Thelearnedprelatewhoadministeredthelastcomfortsofholyreligiontotheheromartyrwhenabouttopaythedeathpenaltykneltinamostchristianspiritinapoolofrainwater，hiscassockabovehishoaryhead，andoffereduptothethroneofgraceferventprayersofsupplication。
Hardbytheblockstoodthegrimfigureoftheexecutioner，hisvisagebeingconcealedinatengallonpotwithtwocircularperforatedaperturesthroughwhichhiseyesgloweredfuriously。Asheawaitedthefatalsignalhetestedtheedgeofhishorribleweaponbyhoningituponhisbrawnyforearmordecapitatedinrapidsuccessionaflockofsheepwhichhadbeenprovidedbytheadmirersofhisfellbutnecessaryoffice。Onahandsomemahoganytablenearhimwereneatlyarrangedthequarteringknife，thevariousfinelytempereddisembowellingappliancesspeciallysuppliedbytheworldfamousfirmofcutlers，MessrsJohnRoundandSons，Sheffield，aterracottasaucepanforthereceptionoftheduodenum，colon，blindintestineandappendixetcwhensuccessfullyextractedandtwocommodiousmilkjugsdestinedtoreceivethemostpreciousbloodofthemostpreciousvictim。