第74章
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  ItwasdarknightwhenIlefthisdeathbedandwentbacktomyowninndownthestragglingstreetofLuzon。

  Thatreturntomyinnsticksinmymemoryalsoasathingapart,asanexperienceapart。Withinwasasubduedbustleofwomen,aflittingoflights,andthedoingofpettyofficestothatqueer,exhaustedthingthathadoncebeenmyactiveandurgentlittleuncle。Formethoseofficeswereirksomeandimpertinent。I

  slammedthedoor,andwentoutintothewarm,foggydrizzleofthevillagestreetlitbyblurredspecksoflightingreatvoidsofdarkness,andneverasoulabroad。Thatwarmveiloffogproducedaneffectofvastseclusion。Theveryhousesbytheroadsidepeeredthroughitasiffromanotherworld。Thestillnessofthenightwasmarkedbyanoccasionalremotebayingofdogs;allthesepeoplekeptdogsbecauseofthenearneighbourhoodofthefrontier。

  Death!

  Itwasoneofthoserareseasonsofrelief,whenforalittletimeonewalksalittleoutsideofandbesidelife。IfeltasI

  sometimesfeelaftertheendofaplay。Isawthewholebusinessofmyuncle’slifeassomethingfamiliarandcompleted。Itwasdone,likeaplayoneleaves,likeabookonecloses。Ithoughtofthepushandthepromotions,thenoiseofLondon,thecrowded,variouscompanyofpeoplethroughwhichourliveshadgone,thepublicmeetings,theexcitements,thedinnersanddisputations,andsuddenlyitappearedtomethatnoneofthesethingsexisted。

  Itcametomelikeadiscoverythatnoneofthesethingsexisted。

  BeforeandafterIhavethoughtandcalledlifeaphantasmagoria,butneverhaveIfeltitstruthasIdidthatnight。Wehadparted;wetwowhohadkeptcompanysolonghadparted。Buttherewas,Iknew,noendtohimorme。Hehaddiedadreamdeath,andendedadream;hispaindreamwasover。ItseemedtomealmostasthoughIhaddied,too。Whatdiditmatter,sinceitwasunreality,allofit,thepainanddesire,thebeginningandtheend?Therewasnorealityexceptthissolitaryroad,thisquitesolitaryroad,alongwhichonewentratherpuzzled,rathertired。

  Partofthefogbecameabigmastiffthatcametowardsmeandstoppedandslunkroundme,growling,barkedgruffly,andshortlyandpresentlybecamefogagain。

  Mymindswayedbacktotheancientbeliefsandfearsofourrace。

  Mydoubtsanddisbeliefsslippedfrommelikealooselyfittinggarment。Iwonderedquitesimplywhatdogsbayedaboutthepathofthatotherwalkerinthedarkness,whatshapes,whatlights,itmightbe,loomedabouthimashewenthiswayfromourlastencounteronearth——alongthepathsthatarereal,andthewaythatenduresforever?

  Lastbelatedfigureinthatgroupingroundmyuncle’sdeathbedismyaunt。WhenitwasbeyondallhopethatmyunclecouldliveIthrewasidewhateverconcealmentremainedtousandtelegrapheddirectlytoher。Butshecametoolatetoseehimliving。Shesawhimcalmandstill,strangelyunlikehishabitualgarrulousanimation,anunfamiliarinflexibility。

  “Itisn’tlikehim。”shewhispered,awedbythisaliendignity。

  Irememberherchieflyasshetalkedandweptuponthebridgebelowtheoldcastle。WehadgotridofsomeamateurishreportersfromBiarritz,andhadwalkedtogetherinthehotmorningsunshinedownthroughPortLuzon。There,foratime,westoodleaningontheparapetofthebridgeandsurveyingthedistantpeeks,therichbluemassesofthePyrenees。Foralongtimewesaidnothing,andthenshebegantalking。

  “Life’sarumGo,George!”shebegan。“Whowouldhavethought,whenIusedtodarnyourstockingsatoldWimblehurst,thatthiswouldbetheendofthestory?Itseemsfarawaynow——thatlittleshop,hisandmyfirsthome。Theglowofthebottles,thebigcolouredbottles!Doyourememberhowthelightshoneonthemahoganydrawers?Thelittlegiltletters!OlAmjig,andSnap!Icanrememberitall——brightandshining——likeaDutchpicture。Real!Andyesterday。Andhereweareinadream。Youaman——andmeanoldwoman,George。AndpoorlittleTeddy,whousedtorushaboutandtalk——makingthatnoisehedid——Oh!”

  Shechoked,andthetearsflowedunrestrained。Shewept,andI

  wasgladtoseeherweeping。

  Shestoodleaningoverthebridge;hertear-wethandkerchiefgrippedinherclenchedhand。

  “Justanhourintheoldshopagain——andhimtalking。Beforethingsgotdone。Beforetheygotholdofhim。Andfooledhim。

  “Menoughtn’ttobesotemptedwithbusinessandthings。

  “Theydidn’thurthim,George?”sheaskedsuddenly。

  ForamomentIwaspuzzled。

  “Here,Imean。”shesaid。

  “No。”Iliedstoutly,suppressingthememoryofthatfoolishinjectionneedleIhadcaughttheyoungdoctorusing。

  “Iwonder,George,ifthey’lllethimtalkinHeaven。”

  Shefacedme。“Oh!George,dear,myheartaches,andIdon’tknowwhatIsayanddo。Givemeyourarmtoleanon——it’sgoodtohaveyou,dear,andleanuponyou。Yes,Iknowyoucareforme。That’swhyI’mtalking。We’vealwayslovedoneanother,andneversaidanythingaboutit,andyouunderstand,andI

  understand。Butmyheart’storntopiecesbythis,torntorags,andthingsdropoutI’vekeptinit。It’struehewasn’tahusbandmuchformeatthelast。Buthewasmychild,George,hewasmychildandallmychildren,mysillychild,andlifehasknockedhimaboutforme,andI’veneverhadasayinthematter;

  neverasay;it’spuffedhimupandsmashedhim——likeanoldbag——undermyeyes。Iwascleverenoughtoseeit,andnotcleverenoughtopreventit,andallIcoulddowastojeer。

  I’vehadtomakewhatIcouldofit。Likemostpeople。Likemostofus。Butitwasn’tfair,George。Itwasn’tfair。LifeandDeath——greatseriousthings——whycouldn’ttheyleavehimalone,andhisliesandways?IfWEcouldseethelightnessofit——

  “Whycouldn’ttheyleavehimalone?”sherepeatedinawhisperaswewenttowardstheinn。

  WhenIcamebackIfoundthatmyshareintheescapeanddeathofmyunclehadmademeforatimeanotoriousandevenpopularcharacter。FortwoweeksIwaskeptinLondon“facingthemusic。”ashewouldhavesaid,andmakingthingseasyformyaunt,andIstillmarvelattheconsiderationwithwhichtheworldtreatedme。FornowitwasopenandmanifestthatIandmyunclewerenomorethanspecimensofamodernspeciesofbrigand,wastingthesavingsofthepublicoutofthesheerwantonnessofenterprise。Ithinkthatinaway,hisdeathproducedareactioninmyfavourandmyflight,ofwhichsomeparticularsnowappearedstuckinthepopularimagination。Itseemedamoredaringanddifficultfeatthanitwas,andIcouldn’tverywellwritetothepaperstosustainmyprivateestimate。Therecanbelittledoubtthatmeninfinitelyprefertheappearanceofdashandenterprisetosimplehonesty。NoonebelievedIwasnotanarchplotterinhisfinancing。Yettheyfavouredme。IevengotpermissionfromthetrusteetooccupymychaletforafortnightwhileIclearedupthemassofpapers,calculations,notesofwork,drawingsandthelike,thatIleftindisorderwhenIstartedonthatimpulsiveraidupontheMordetquapheaps。

  Iwastherealone。IgotworkforCothopewiththeIlchesters,forwhomInowbuildthesedestroyers。Theywantedhimatonce,andhewasshortofmoney,soIlethimgoandmanagedveryphilosophicallybymyself。

  ButIfoundithardtofixmyattentiononaeronautics,Ihadbeenawayfromtheworkforafullhalf-yearandmore,ahalf-yearcrowdedwithintensedisconcertingthings。Foratimemybrainrefusedthesefineproblemsofbalanceandadjustmentaltogether;itwantedtothinkaboutmyuncle’sdroppingjaw,myaunt’sreluctanttears,aboutdeadnegroesandpestilentialswamps,abouttheevidentrealitiesofcrueltyandpain,aboutlifeanddeath。Moreover,itwaswearywiththefrightfulpileoffiguresanddocumentsattheHardingham,atasktowhichthisraidtoLadyGrovewassimplyaninterlude。AndtherewasBeatrice。

  Onthesecondmorning,asIsatoutupontheverandarecallingmemoriesandstrivinginvaintoattendtosometoosuccinctpencilnotesofCothope’s,Beatricerodeupsuddenlyfrombehindthepavilion,andpulledreinandbecamestill;Beatrice,alittleflushedfromridingandsittingonabigblackhorse。

  Ididnotinstantlyrise。Istaredather。“YOU!”Isaid。

  Shelookedatmesteadily。“Me。”shesaidIdidnottroubleaboutanycivilities。Istoodupandaskedpointblankaquestionthatcameintomyhead。

  “Whosehorseisthat?”Isaid。

  Shelookedmeintheeyes。“Carnaby’s。”sheanswered。

  “Howdidyougethere——thisway?”

  “Thewall’sdown。”

  “Down?Already?”

  “Agreatbitofitbetweentheplantations。”

  “Andyourodethrough,andgotherebychance?”

  “Isawyouyesterday。AndIrodeovertoseeyou。”Ihadnowcomeclosetoher,andstoodlookingupintoherface。

  “I’mamerevestige。”Isaid。

  Shemadenoanswer,butremainedregardingmesteadfastlywithacuriousairofproprietorship。

  “YouknowI’mthelivingsurvivornowofthegreatsmash。I’mrollinganddroppingdownthroughallthescaffoldingofthesocialsystem。It’sallachancewhetherIrolloutfreeatthebottom,orgodownacrackintothedarknessoutofsightforayearortwo。”

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