WhenIdevisedthisstory，Iforesawthelikelihoodthataclassof
readersandcommentatorswouldsupposethatIwasatgreatpains
toconcealexactlywhatIwasatgreatpainstosuggest:namely，
thatMrJohnHarmonwasnotslain，andthatMrJohnRokesmith
washe。Pleasingmyselfwiththeideathatthesuppositionmight
inpartariseoutofsomeingenuityinthestory，andthinkingit
worthwhile，intheinterestsofart，tohinttoanaudiencethatan
artistofwhateverdenominationmayperhapsbetrustedtoknow
whatheisaboutinhisvocation，iftheywillconcedehimalittle
patience，Iwasnotalarmedbytheanticipation。
Tokeepforalongtimeunsuspected，yetalwaysworkingitselfout，
anotherpurposeoriginatinginthatleadingincident，andturningit
toapleasantandusefulaccountatlast，wasatoncethemost
interestingandthemostdifficultpartofmydesign。Itsdifficulty
wasmuchenhancedbythemodeofpublication；for，itwouldbe
veryunreasonabletoexpectthatmanyreaders，pursuingastoryin
portionsfrommonthtomonththroughnineteenmonths，will，until
theyhaveitbeforethemcomplete，perceivetherelationsofitsfiner
threadstothewholepatternwhichisalwaysbeforetheeyesofthe
story-weaverathisloom。Yet，thatIholdtheadvantagesofthe
modeofpublicationtooutweighitsdisadvantages，maybeeasily
believedofonewhoreviveditinthePickwickPapersafterlong
disuse，andhaspursuediteversince。
Thereissometimesanodddispositioninthiscountrytodisputeas
improbableinfiction，whatarethecommonestexperiencesinfact。
Therefore，Inotehere，thoughitmaynotbeatallnecessary，that
therearehundredsofWillCasesastheyarecalled，farmore
remarkablethanthatfanciedinthisbook；andthatthestoresofthe
PrerogativeOfficeteemwithinstancesoftestatorswhohavemade，
changed，contradicted，hidden，forgotten，leftcancelled，andleft
uncancelled，eachmanymorewillsthanwereevermadebythe
elderMrHarmonofHarmonyJail。
InmysocialexperiencessinceMrsBettyHigdencameuponthe
sceneandleftit，IhavefoundCircumlocutionalchampions
disposedtobewarmwithmeonthesubjectofmyviewofthePoor
Law。MrfriendMrBounderbycouldneverseeanydifference
betweenleavingtheCoketown\'hands\'exactlyastheywere，and
requiringthemtobefedwithturtlesoupandvenisonoutofgold
spoons。Idioticpropositionsofaparallelnaturehavebeenfreely
offeredformyacceptance，andIhavebeencalledupontoadmit
thatIwouldgivePoorLawrelieftoanybody，anywhere，anyhow。
Puttingthisnonsenseaside，Ihaveobservedasuspicioustendency
inthechampionstodivideintotwoparties；theone，contending
thattherearenodeservingPoorwhopreferdeathbyslow
starvationandbitterweather，tothemerciesofsomeRelieving
OfficersandsomeUnionHouses；theother，admittingthatthere
aresuchPoor，butdenyingthattheyhaveanycauseorreasonfor
whattheydo。Therecordsinournewspapers，thelateexposureby
THELANCET，andthecommonsenseandsensesofcommon
people，furnishtooabundantevidenceagainstbothdefences。But，
thatmyviewofthePoorLawmaynotbemistakenor
misrepresented，Iwillstateit。IbelievetherehasbeeninEngland，
sincethedaysoftheSTUARTS，nolawsoofteninfamously
administered，nolawsooftenopenlyviolated，nolawhabituallyso
ill-supervised。Inthemajorityoftheshamefulcasesofdisease
anddeathfromdestitution，thatshockthePublicanddisgracethe
country，theillegalityisquiteequaltotheinhumanity——andknown
languagecouldsaynomoreoftheirlawlessness。
OnFridaytheNinthofJuneinthepresentyear，MrandMrs
BoffinintheirmanuscriptdressofreceivingMrandMrsLammle
atbreakfastwereontheSouthEasternRailwaywithme，ina
terriblydestructiveaccident。WhenIhaddonewhatIcouldtohelp
others，Iclimbedbackintomycarriage——nearlyturnedovera
viaduct，andcaughtaslantupontheturn——toextricatetheworthy
couple。Theyweremuchsoiled，butotherwiseunhurt。Thesame
happyresultattendedMissBellaWilferonherweddingday，and
MrRiderhoodinspectingBradleyHeadstone\'sredneckerchiefas
helayasleep。IrememberwithdevoutthankfulnessthatIcan
neverbemuchnearerpartingcompanywithmyreadersforever，
thanIwasthen，untilthereshallbewrittenagainstmylife，thetwo
wordswithwhichIhavethisdayclosedthisbook:——THEEND。September2nd，1865。
End
BOOKTHEFIRSTTHECUPANDTHELIP
Chapter1
ONTHELOOKOUT
Inthesetimesofours，thoughconcerningtheexactyearthereisnoneedtobeprecise，aboatofdirtyanddisreputableappearance，withtwofiguresinit，floatedontheThames，betweenSouthwarkbridgewhichisofiron，andLondonBridgewhichisofstone，asanautumneveningwasclosingin。
Thefiguresinthisboatwerethoseofastrongmanwithraggedgrizzledhairandasun-brownedface，andadarkgirlofnineteenortwenty，sufficientlylikehimtoberecognizableashisdaughter。
Thegirlrowed，pullingapairofscullsveryeasily；theman，withtherudder-linesslackinhishands，andhishandslooseinhiswaistband，keptaneagerlookout。Hehadnonet，hook，orline，andhecouldnotbeafisherman；hisboathadnocushionforasitter，nopaint，noinscription，noappliancebeyondarustyboathookandacoilofrope，andhecouldnotbeawaterman；hisboatwastoocrazyandtoosmalltotakeincargofordelivery，andhecouldnotbealightermanorriver-carrier；therewasnocluetowhathelookedfor，buthelookedforsomething，withamostintentandsearchinggaze。Thetide，whichhadturnedanhourbefore，wasrunningdown，andhiseyeswatchedeverylittleraceandeddyinitsbroadsweep，astheboatmadeslighthead-wayagainstit，ordrovesternforemostbeforeit，accordingashedirectedhisdaughterbyamovementofhishead。Shewatchedhisfaceasearnestlyashewatchedtheriver。But，intheintensityofherlooktherewasatouchofdreadorhorror。
Alliedtothebottomoftheriverratherthanthesurface，byreasonoftheslimeandoozewithwhichitwascovered，anditssoddenstate，thisboatandthetwofiguresinitobviouslyweredoingsomethingthattheyoftendid，andwereseekingwhattheyoftensought。Halfsavageasthemanshowed，withnocoveringonhismattedhead，withhisbrownarmsbaretobetweentheelbowandtheshoulder，withthelooseknotofalooserkerchieflyinglowonhisbarebreastinawildernessofbeardandwhisker，withsuchdressasheworeseemingtobemadeoutofthemudthatbegrimedhisboat，stilltherewasabusiness-likeusageinhissteadygaze。
Sowitheverylitheactionofthegirl，witheveryturnofherwrist，perhapsmostofallwithherlookofdreadorhorror；theywerethingsofusage。
\'Keepherout，Lizzie。Tiderunsstronghere。Keepherwellaforethesweepofit。\'
Trustingtothegirl\'sskillandmakingnouseoftherudder，heeyedthecomingtidewithanabsorbedattention。Sothegirleyedhim。
But，ithappenednow，thataslantoflightfromthesettingsunglancedintothebottomoftheboat，and，touchingarottenstaintherewhichboresomeresemblancetotheoutlineofamuffledhumanform，coloureditasthoughwithdilutedblood。Thiscaughtthegirl\'seye，andsheshivered。
\'Whatailsyou?\'saidtheman，immediatelyawareofit，thoughsointentontheadvancingwaters；\'Iseenothingafloat。\'
Theredlightwasgone，theshudderwasgone，andhisgaze，whichhadcomebacktotheboatforamoment，travelledawayagain。
Wheresoeverthestrongtidemetwithanimpediment，hisgazepausedforaninstant。Ateverymooring-chainandrope，ateverystationeryboatorbargethatsplitthecurrentintoabroad-
arrowhead，attheoffsetsfromthepiersofSouthwarkBridge，atthepaddlesoftheriversteamboatsastheybeatthefilthywater，atthefloatinglogsoftimberlashedtogetherlyingoffcertainwharves，hisshiningeyesdartedahungrylook。Afteradarkeninghourorso，suddenlytherudder-linestightenedinhishold，andhesteeredhardtowardstheSurreyshore。
Alwayswatchinghisface，thegirlinstantlyansweredtotheactioninhersculling；presentlytheboatswunground，quiveredasfromasuddenjerk，andtheupperhalfofthemanwasstretchedoutoverthestern。
Thegirlpulledthehoodofacloakshewore，overherheadandoverherface，and，lookingbackwardsothatthefrontfoldsofthishoodwereturneddowntheriver，kepttheboatinthatdirectiongoingbeforethetide。Untilnow，theboathadbarelyheldherown，andhadhoveredaboutonespot；butnow，thebankschangedswiftly，andthedeepeningshadowsandthekindlinglightsofLondonBridgewerepassed，andthetiersofshippinglayoneitherhand。
Itwasnotuntilnowthattheupperhalfofthemancamebackintotheboat。Hisarmswerewetanddirty，andhewashedthemovertheside。Inhisrighthandheheldsomething，andhewashedthatintherivertoo。Itwasmoney。Hechinkeditonce，andheblewuponitonce，andhespatuponitonce，——\'forluck，\'hehoarselysaid——beforeheputitinhispocket。
\'Lizzie！\'
Thegirlturnedherfacetowardshimwithastart，androwedinsilence。Herfacewasverypale。Hewasahook-nosedman，andwiththatandhisbrighteyesandhisruffledhead，boreacertainlikenesstoarousedbirdofprey。
\'Takethatthingoffyourface。\'
Sheputitback。
\'Here！andgivemeholdofthesculls。I\'lltaketherestofthespell。\'
\'No，no，father！No！Ican\'tindeed。Father！——Icannotsitsonearit！\'
Hewasmovingtowardshertochangeplaces，butherterrifiedexpostulationstoppedhimandheresumedhisseat。
\'Whathurtcanitdoyou?\'
\'None，none。ButIcannotbearit。\'
\'It\'smybeliefyouhatethesightoftheveryriver。\'
\'I——Idonotlikeit，father。\'
\'Asifitwasn\'tyourliving！Asifitwasn\'tmeatanddrinktoyou！\'
Attheselatterwordsthegirlshiveredagain，andforamomentpausedinherrowing，seemingtoturndeadlyfaint。Itescapedhisattention，forhewasglancingoverthesternatsomethingtheboathadintow。
\'Howcanyoubesothanklesstoyourbestfriend，Lizzie?Theveryfirethatwarmedyouwhenyouwereababby，waspickedoutoftheriveralongsidethecoalbarges。Theverybasketthatyousleptin，thetidewashedashore。TheveryrockersthatIputitupontomakeacradleofit，Icutoutofapieceofwoodthatdriftedfromsomeshiporanother。\'
Lizzietookherrighthandfromthescullitheld，andtouchedherlipswithit，andforamomenthelditoutlovinglytowardshim:
then，withoutspeaking，sheresumedherrowing，asanotherboatofsimilarappearance，thoughinratherbettertrim，cameoutfromadarkplaceanddroppedsoftlyalongside。
\'Inluckagain，Gaffer?\'saidamanwithasquintingleer，whosculledherandwhowasalone，\'Iknow\'dyouwasinluckagain，byyourwakeasyoucomedown。\'
\'Ah！\'repliedtheother，drily。\'Soyou\'reout，areyou?\'
\'Yes，pardner。\'
Therewasnowatenderyellowmoonlightontheriver，andthenewcomer，keepinghalfhisboat\'slengthasternoftheotherboatlookedhardatitstrack。
\'Isaystomyself，\'hewenton，\'directlyyouhoveinview，yonder\'sGaffer，andinluckagain，byGeorgeifheain\'t！Scullitis，pardner——don\'tfretyourself——Ididn\'ttouchhim。\'ThiswasinanswertoaquickimpatientmovementonthepartofGaffer:thespeakeratthesametimeunshippinghisscullonthatside，andlayinghishandonthegunwaleofGaffer\'sboatandholdingtoit。
\'He\'shadtouchesenoughnottowantnomore，aswellasImakehimout，Gaffer！Beenaknockingaboutwithaprettymanytides，ain\'thepardner?Suchismyout-of-luckways，yousee！Hemusthavepassedmewhenhewentuplasttime，forIwasonthelookoutbelowbridgehere。Ia\'mostthinkyou\'relikethewulturs，pardner，andscent\'emout。\'
Hespokeinadroppedvoice，andwithmorethanoneglanceatLizziewhohadpulledonherhoodagain。BothmenthenlookedwithaweirdunholyinterestinthewakeofGaffer\'sboat。
\'Easydoesit，betwixtus。ShallItakehimaboard，pardner?\'
\'No，\'saidtheother。Insosurlyatonethattheman，afterablankstare，acknowledgeditwiththeretort:
\'——Arn\'tbeeneatingnothingashasdisagreedwithyou，haveyou，pardner?\'
\'Why，yes，Ihave，\'saidGaffer。\'Ihavebeenswallowingtoomuchofthatword，Pardner。Iamnopardnerofyours。\'
\'Sincewhenwasyounopardnerofmine，GafferHexamEsquire?\'
\'Sinceyouwasaccusedofrobbingaman。Accusedofrobbingaliveman！\'saidGaffer，withgreatindignation。
\'AndwhatifIhadbeenaccusedofrobbingadeadman，Gaffer?\'
\'YouCOULDN\'Tdoit。\'
\'Couldn\'tyou，Gaffer?\'
\'No。Hasadeadmananyuseformoney?Isitpossibleforadeadmantohavemoney?Whatworlddoesadeadmanbelongto?
\'Totherworld。Whatworlddoesmoneybelongto?Thisworld。
Howcanmoneybeacorpse\'s?Canacorpseownit，wantit，spendit，claimit，missit?Don\'ttrytogoconfoundingtherightsandwrongsofthingsinthatway。Butit\'sworthyofthesneakingspiritthatrobsaliveman。\'
\'I\'lltellyouwhatitis。\'
\'Noyouwon\'t。I\'lltellyouwhatitis。Yougotoffwithashorttimeofitforputtingyou\'rehandinthepocketofasailor，alivesailor。
Makethemostofitandthinkyourselflucky，butdon\'tthinkafterthattocomeoverMEwithyourpardners。Wehaveworkedtogetherintimepast，butweworktogethernomoreintimepresentnoryetfuture。Letgo。Castoff！\'
\'Gaffer！Ifyouthinktogetridofmethisway。\'
\'IfIdon\'tgetridofyouthisway，I\'lltryanother，andchopyouoverthefingerswiththestretcher，ortakeapickatyourheadwiththeboat-hook。Castoff！Pullyou，Lizzie。Pullhome，sinceyouwon\'tletyourfatherpull。\'
Lizzieshotahead，andtheotherboatfellastern。Lizzie\'sfather，composinghimselfintotheeasyattitudeofonewhohadassertedthehighmoralitiesandtakenanunassailableposition，slowlylightedapipe，andsmoked，andtookasurveyofwhathehadintow。Whathehadintow，lungeditselfathimsometimesinanawfulmannerwhentheboatwaschecked，andsometimesseemedtotrytowrenchitselfaway，thoughforthemostpartitfollowedsubmissively。Aneophytemighthavefanciedthattheripplespassingoveritweredreadfullylikefaintchangesofexpressiononasightlessface；butGafferwasnoneophyteandhadnofancies。
Chapter2
THEMANFROMSOMEWHERE
MrandMrsVeneeringwerebran-newpeopleinabran-newhouseinabran-newquarterofLondon。EverythingabouttheVeneeringswasspickandspannew。Alltheirfurniturewasnew，alltheirfriendswerenew，alltheirservantswerenew，theirplatewasnew，theircarriagewasnew，theirharnesswasnew，theirhorseswerenew，theirpictureswerenew，theythemselveswerenew，theywereasnewlymarriedaswaslawfullycompatiblewiththeirhavingabran-newbaby，andiftheyhadsetupagreat-grandfather，hewouldhavecomehomeinmattingfromthePantechnicon，withoutascratchuponhim，Frenchpolishedtothecrownofhishead。
For，intheVeneeringestablishment，fromthehall-chairswiththenewcoatofarms，tothegrandpianofortewiththenewaction，andupstairsagaintothenewfire-escape，allthingswereinastateofhighvarnishandpolish。Andwhatwasobservableinthefurniture，wasobservableintheVeneerings——thesurfacesmeltalittletoomuchoftheworkshopandwasatriflesticky。
Therewasaninnocentpieceofdinner-furniturethatwentuponeasycastorsandwaskeptoveraliverystable-yardinDukeStreet，SaintJames\'s，whennotinuse，towhomtheVeneeringswereasourceofblindconfusion。ThenameofthisarticlewasTwemlow。
BeingfirstcousintoLordSnigsworth，hewasinfrequentrequisition，andatmanyhousesmightbesaidtorepresentthedining-tableinitsnormalstate。MrandMrsVeneering，forexample，arrangingadinner，habituallystartedwithTwemlow，andthenputleavesinhim，oraddedgueststohim。Sometimes，thetableconsistedofTwemlowandhalfadozenleaves；
sometimes，ofTwemlowandadozenleaves；sometimes，Twemlowwaspulledouttohisutmostextentoftwentyleaves。MrandMrsVeneeringonoccasionsofceremonyfacedeachotherinthecentreoftheboard，andthustheparallelstillheld；for，italwayshappenedthatthemoreTwemlowwaspulledout，thefurtherhefoundhimselffromthecenter，andnearertothesideboardatoneendoftheroom，orthewindow-curtainsattheother。
But，itwasnotthiswhichsteepedthefeeblesoulofTwemlowinconfusion。Thishewasusedto，andcouldtakesoundingsof。Theabysstowhichhecouldfindnobottom，andfromwhichstartedforththeengrossingandever-swellingdifficultyofhislife，wastheinsolublequestionwhetherhewasVeneering\'soldestfriend，ornewestfriend。Totheexcogitationofthisproblem，theharmlessgentlemanhaddevotedmanyanxioushours，bothinhislodgingsovertheliverystable-yard，andinthecoldgloom，favourabletomeditation，ofSaintJames\'sSquare。Thus。TwemlowhadfirstknownVeneeringathisclub，whereVeneeringthenknewnobodybutthemanwhomadethemknowntooneanother，whoseemedtobethemostintimatefriendhehadintheworld，andwhomhehadknowntwodays——thebondofunionbetweentheirsouls，thenefariousconductofthecommitteerespectingthecookeryofafilletofveal，havingbeenaccidentallycementedatthatdate。
Immediatelyuponthis，TwemlowreceivedaninvitationtodinewithVeneering，anddined:themanbeingoftheparty。
Immediatelyuponthat，Twemlowreceivedaninvitationtodinewiththeman，anddined:Veneeringbeingoftheparty。Attheman\'swereaMember，anEngineer，aPayer-offoftheNationalDebt，aPoemonShakespeare，aGrievance，andaPublicOffice，whoallseemtobeutterstrangerstoVeneering。Andyetimmediatelyafterthat，TwemlowreceivedaninvitationtodineatVeneerings，expresslytomeettheMember，theEngineer，thePayer-offoftheNationalDebt，thePoemonShakespeare，theGrievance，andthePublicOffice，and，dining，discoveredthatallofthemwerethemostintimatefriendsVeneeringhadintheworld，andthatthewivesofallofthemwhowereallthereweretheobjectsofMrsVeneering\'smostdevotedaffectionandtenderconfidence。
Thusithadcomeabout，thatMrTwemlowhadsaidtohimselfinhislodgings，withhishandtohisforehead:\'Imustnotthinkofthis。Thisisenoughtosoftenanyman\'sbrain，\'——andyetwasalwaysthinkingofit，andcouldneverformaconclusion。
ThiseveningtheVeneeringsgiveabanquet。ElevenleavesintheTwemlow；fourteenincompanyalltold。Fourpigeon-breastedretainersinplainclothesstandinlineinthehall。Afifthretainer，proceedingupthestaircasewithamournfulair——aswhoshouldsay，\'Hereisanotherwretchedcreaturecometodinner；suchislife！\'——announces，\'Mis-terTwemlow！\'
MrsVeneeringwelcomeshersweetMrTwemlow。MrVeneeringwelcomeshisdearTwemlow。MrsVeneeringdoesnotexpectthatMrTwemlowcaninnaturecaremuchforsuchinsipidthingsasbabies，butsooldafriendmustpleasetolookatbaby。\'Ah！Youwillknowthefriendofyourfamilybetter，Tootleums，\'saysMrVeneering，noddingemotionallyatthatnewarticle，\'whenyoubegintotakenotice。\'HethenbegstomakehisdearTwemlowknowntohistwofriends，MrBootsandMrBrewer——andclearlyhasnodistinctideawhichiswhich。
Butnowafearfulcircumstanceoccurs。
\'Mis-terandMis-susPodsnap！\'
\'Mydear，\'saysMrVeneeringtoMrsVeneering，withanairofmuchfriendlyinterest，whilethedoorstandsopen，\'thePodsnaps。\'
Atoo，toosmilinglargeman，withafatalfreshnessonhim，appearingwithhiswife，instantlydesertshiswifeanddartsatTwemlowwith:
\'Howdoyoudo?Sogladtoknowyou。Charminghouseyouhavehere。Ihopewearenotlate。Sogladoftheopportunity，Iamsure！\'
Whenthefirstshockfelluponhim，Twemlowtwiceskippedbackinhisneatlittleshoesandhisneatlittlesilkstockingsofabygonefashion，asifimpelledtoleapoverasofabehindhim；butthelargemanclosedwithhimandprovedtoostrong。
\'Letme，\'saysthelargeman，tryingtoattracttheattentionofhiswifeinthedistance，\'havethepleasureofpresentingMrsPodsnaptoherhost。Shewillbe，\'inhisfatalfreshnessheseemstofindperpetualverdureandeternalyouthinthephrase，\'shewillbesogladoftheopportunity，Iamsure！\'
Inthemeantime，MrsPodsnap，unabletooriginateamistakeonherownaccount，becauseMrsVeneeringistheonlyotherladythere，doesherbestinthewayofhandsomelysupportingherhusband\'s，bylookingtowardsMrTwemlowwithaplaintivecountenanceandremarkingtoMrsVeneeringinafeelingmanner，firstly，thatshefearshehasbeenratherbiliousoflate，and，secondly，thatthebabyisalreadyverylikehim。
Itisquestionablewhetheranymanquiterelishesbeingmistakenforanyotherman；but，MrVeneeringhavingthisveryeveningsetuptheshirt-frontoftheyoungAntinousinnewworkedcambricjustcomehome，isnotatallcomplimentedbybeingsupposedtobeTwemlow，whoisdryandweazenandsomethirtyyearsolder。
MrsVeneeringequallyresentstheimputationofbeingthewifeofTwemlow。AstoTwemlow，heissosensibleofbeingamuchbetterbredmanthanVeneering，thatheconsidersthelargemananoffensiveass。
Inthiscomplicateddilemma，MrVeneeringapproachesthelargemanwithextendedhandand，smilinglyassuresthatincorrigiblepersonagethatheisdelightedtoseehim:whoinhisfatalfreshnessinstantlyreplies:
\'Thankyou。IamashamedtosaythatIcannotatthismomentrecallwherewemet，butIamsogladofthisopportunity，Iamsure！\'
ThenpouncinguponTwemlow，whoholdsbackwithallhisfeeblemight，heishalinghimofftopresenthim，asVeneering，toMrsPodsnap，whenthearrivalofmoreguestsunravelsthemistake。
Whereupon，havingre-shakenhandswithVeneeringasVeneering，here-shakeshandswithTwemlowasTwemlow，andwindsitalluptohisownperfectsatisfactionbysayingtothelast-named，\'Ridiculousopportunity——butsogladofit，Iamsure！\'
Now，Twemlowhavingundergonethisterrificexperience，havinglikewisenotedthefusionofBootsinBrewerandBrewerinBoots，andhavingfurtherobservedthatoftheremainingsevenguestsfourdiscretecharactersenterwithwanderingeyesandwhollydeclinedtocommitthemselvesastowhichisVeneering，untilVeneeringhastheminhisgrasp；——Twemlowhavingprofitedbythesestudies，findshisbrainwholesomelyhardeningasheapproachestheconclusionthathereallyisVeneering\'soldestfriend，whenhisbrainsoftensagainandallislost，throughhiseyesencounteringVeneeringandthelargemanlinkedtogetherastwinbrothersinthebackdrawing-roomneartheconservatorydoor，andthroughhisearsinforminghiminthetonesofMrsVeneeringthatthesamelargemanistobebaby\'sgodfather。
\'Dinnerisonthetable！\'
Thusthemelancholyretainer，aswhoshouldsay，\'Comedownandbepoisoned，yeunhappychildrenofmen！\'
Twemlow，havingnoladyassignedhim，goesdownintherear，withhishandtohisforehead。BootsandBrewer，thinkinghimindisposed，whisper，\'Manfaint。Hadnolunch。\'Butheisonlystunnedbytheunvanquishabledifficultyofhisexistence。
Revivedbysoup，TwemlowdiscoursesmildlyoftheCourtCircularwithBootsandBrewer。Isappealedto，atthefishstageofthebanquet，byVeneering，onthedisputedquestionwhetherhiscousinLordSnigsworthisinoroutoftown?Givesitthathiscousinisoutoftown。\'AtSnigsworthyPark?\'Veneeringinquires。
\'AtSnigsworthy，\'Twemlowrejoins。BootsandBrewerregardthisasamantobecultivated；andVeneeringisclearthatheisarenumerativearticle。Meantimetheretainergoesround，likeagloomyAnalyticalChemist:alwaysseemingtosay，after\'Chablis，sir?\'——\'Youwouldn\'tifyouknewwhatit\'smadeof。\'
Thegreatlooking-glassabovethesideboard，reflectsthetableandthecompany。ReflectsthenewVeneeringcrest，ingoldandekeinsilver，frostedandalsothawed，acamelofallwork。TheHeralds\'
CollegefoundoutaCrusadingancestorforVeneeringwhoboreacamelonhisshieldormighthavedoneitifhehadthoughtofit，andacaravanofcamelstakechargeofthefruitsandflowersandcandles，andkneeldownbeloadedwiththesalt。ReflectsVeneering；forty，wavy-haired，dark，tendingtocorpulence，sly，mysterious，filmy——akindofsufficientlywell-lookingveiled-
prophet，notprophesying。ReflectsMrsVeneering；fair，aquiline-
nosedandfingered，notsomuchlighthairasshemighthave，gorgeousinraimentandjewels，enthusiastic，propitiatory，consciousthatacornerofherhusband\'sveilisoverherself。
ReflectsPodsnap；prosperouslyfeeding，twolittlelight-colouredwirywings，oneoneithersideofhiselsebaldhead，lookingaslikehishairbrushesashishair，dissolvingviewofredbeadsonhisforehead，largeallowanceofcrumpledshirt-collarupbehind。
ReflectsMrsPodsnap；finewomanforProfessorOwen，quantityofbone，neckandnostrilslikearocking-horse，hardfeatures，majestichead-dressinwhichPodsnaphashunggoldenofferings。
ReflectsTwemlow；grey，dry，polite，susceptibletoeastwind，First-Gentleman-in-Europecollarandcravat，cheeksdrawninasifhehadmadeagreatefforttoretireintohimselfsomeyearsago，andhadgotsofarandhadnevergotanyfarther。Reflectsmatureyounglady；ravenlocks，andcomplexionthatlightsupwellwhenwellpowdered——asitis——carryingonconsiderablyinthecaptivationofmatureyounggentleman；withtoomuchnoseinhisface，toomuchgingerinhiswhiskers，toomuchtorsoinhiswaistcoat，toomuchsparkleinhisstuds，hiseyes，hisbuttons，histalk，andhisteeth。ReflectscharmingoldLadyTippinsonVeneering\'sright；
withanimmenseobtusedraboblongface，likeafaceinatablespoon，andadyedLongWalkupthetopofherhead，asaconvenientpublicapproachtothebunchoffalsehairbehind，pleasedtopatronizeMrsVeneeringopposite，whoispleasedtobepatronized。Reflectsacertain\'Mortimer\'，anotherofVeneering\'soldestfriends；whoneverwasinthehousebefore，andappearsnottowanttocomeagain，whositsdisconsolateonMrsVeneering\'sleft，andwhowasinveigledbyLadyTippinsafriendofhisboyhoodtocometothesepeople\'sandtalk，andwhowon\'ttalk。
ReflectsEugene，friendofMortimer；buriedaliveinthebackofhischair，behindashoulder——withapowder-epauletteonit——ofthematureyounglady，andgloomilyresortingtothechampagnechalicewheneverprofferedbytheAnalyticalChemist。Lastly，thelooking-glassreflectsBootsandBrewer，andtwootherstuffedBuffersinterposedbetweentherestofthecompanyandpossibleaccidents。
TheVeneeringdinnersareexcellentdinners——ornewpeoplewouldn\'tcome——andallgoeswell。Notably，LadyTippinshasmadeaseriesofexperimentsonherdigestivefunctions，soextremelycomplicatedanddaring，thatiftheycouldbepublishedwiththeirresultsitmightbenefitthehumanrace。Havingtakeninprovisionsfromallpartsoftheworld，thishardyoldcruiserhaslasttouchedattheNorthPole，when，astheice-platesarebeingremoved，thefollowingwordsfallfromher:
\'Iassureyou，mydearVeneering——\'
PoorTwemlow\'shandapproacheshisforehead，foritwouldseemnow，thatLadyTippinsisgoingtobetheoldestfriend。
\'Iassureyou，mydearVeneering，thatitistheoddestaffair！Liketheadvertisingpeople，Idon\'taskyoutotrustme，withoutofferingarespectablereference。Mortimerthere，ismyreference，andknowsallaboutit。\'
Mortimerraiseshisdroopingeyelids，andslightlyopenshismouth。Butafaintsmile，expressiveof\'What\'stheuse！\'passesoverhisface，andhedropshiseyelidsandshutshismouth。
\'Now，Mortimer，\'saysLadyTippins，rappingthesticksofherclosedgreenfanupontheknucklesofherlefthand——whichisparticularlyrichinknuckles，\'IinsistuponyourtellingallthatistobetoldaboutthemanfromJamaica。\'
\'GiveyoumyhonourIneverheardofanymanfromJamaica，exceptthemanwhowasabrother，\'repliesMortimer。
\'Tobago，then。\'
\'NoryetfromTobago。\'
\'Except，\'Eugenestrikesin:sounexpectedlythatthematureyounglady，whohasforgottenallabouthim，withastarttakestheepauletteoutofhisway:\'exceptourfriendwholonglivedonrice-
puddingandisinglass，tillatlengthtohissomethingorother，hisphysiciansaidsomethingelse，andalegofmuttonsomehowendedindaygo。\'
ArevivingimpressiongoesroundthetablethatEugeneiscomingout。Anunfulfilledimpression，forhegoesinagain。
\'Now，mydearMrsVeneering，\'quothLadyTippins，Iappealtoyouwhetherthisisnotthebasestconducteverknowninthisworld?Icarrymyloversabout，twoorthreeatatime，onconditionthattheyareveryobedientanddevoted；andhereismyoldestlover-in-chief，theheadofallmyslaves，throwingoffhisallegiancebeforecompany！Andhereisanotherofmylovers，aroughCymonatpresentcertainly，butofwhomIhadmosthopefulexpectationsastohisturningoutwellincourseoftime，pretendingthathecan\'trememberhisnurseryrhymes！Onpurposetoannoyme，forheknowshowIdoatuponthem！\'
AgrislylittlefictionconcerningherloversisLadyTippins\'spoint。
Sheisalwaysattendedbyaloverortwo，andshekeepsalittlelistofherlovers，andsheisalwaysbookinganewlover，orstrikingoutanoldlover，orputtingaloverinherblacklist，orpromotingalovertoherbluelist，oraddingupherlovers，orotherwisepostingherbook。MrsVeneeringischarmedbythehumour，andsoisVeneering。PerhapsitisenhancedbyacertainyellowplayinLadyTippins\'sthroat，likethelegsofscratchingpoultry。
\'Ibanishthefalsewretchfromthismoment，andIstrikehimoutofmyCupidonmynameformyLedger，mydear，thisverynight。
ButIamresolvedtohavetheaccountofthemanfromSomewhere，andIbegyoutoelicititforme，mylove，\'toMrsVeneering，\'asI
havelostmyowninfluence。Oh，youperjuredman！\'ThistoMortimer，witharattleofherfan。
\'WeareallverymuchinterestedinthemanfromSomewhere，\'
Veneeringobserves。
ThenthefourBuffers，takingheartofgraceallfouratonce，say:
\'Deeplyinterested！\'
\'Quiteexcited！\'
\'Dramatic！\'
\'ManfromNowhere，perhaps！\'
AndthenMrsVeneering——fortheLadyTippins\'swinningwilesarecontagious——foldsherhandsinthemannerofasupplicatingchild，turnstoherleftneighbour，andsays，\'Tease！Pay！ManfromTumwhere！\'AtwhichthefourBuffers，againmysteriouslymovedallfouratonce，explain，\'Youcan\'tresist！\'
\'Uponmylife，\'saysMortimerlanguidly，\'IfinditimmenselyembarrassingtohavetheeyesofEuropeuponmetothisextent，andmyonlyconsolationisthatyouwillallofyouexecrateLadyTippinsinyoursecretheartswhenyoufind，asyouinevitablywill，themanfromSomewhereabore。Sorrytodestroyromancebyfixinghimwithalocalhabitation，buthecomesfromtheplace，thenameofwhichescapesme，butwillsuggestitselftoeverybodyelsehere，wheretheymakethewine。\'
Eugenesuggests\'DayandMartin\'s。\'
\'No，notthatplace，\'returnstheunmovedMortimer，\'that\'swheretheymakethePort。MymancomesfromthecountrywheretheymaketheCapeWine。Butlookhere，oldfellow；itsnotatallstatisticalandit\'sratherodd。\'
ItisalwaysnoticeableatthetableoftheVeneerings，thatnomantroubleshimselfmuchabouttheVeneeringsthemselves，andthatanyonewhohasanythingtotell，generallytellsittoanybodyelseinpreference。
\'Theman，\'Mortimergoeson，addressingEugene，\'whosenameisHarmon，wasonlysonofatremendousoldrascalwhomadehismoneybyDust。\'
\'Redvelveteensandabell?\'thegloomyEugeneinquires。
\'Andaladderandbasketifyoulike。Bywhichmeans，orbyothers，hegrewrichasaDustContractor，andlivedinahollowinahillycountryentirelycomposedofDust。Onhisownsmallestatethegrowlingoldvagabondthrewuphisownmountainrange，likeanoldvolcano，anditsgeologicalformationwasDust。Coal-dust，vegetable-dust，bone-dust，crockerydust，roughdustandsifteddust，——allmannerofDust。\'
ApassingremembranceofMrsVeneering，hereinducesMortimertoaddresshisnexthalf-dozenwordstoher；afterwhichhewandersawayagain，triesTwemlowandfindshedoesn\'tanswer，ultimatelytakesupwiththeBufferswhoreceivehimenthusiastically。
\'Themoralbeing——Ibelievethat\'stherightexpression——ofthisexemplaryperson，deriveditshighestgratificationfromanathematizinghisnearestrelationsandturningthemoutofdoors。
Havingbegunaswasnaturalbyrenderingtheseattentionstothewifeofhisbosom，henextfoundhimselfatleisuretobestowasimilarrecognitionontheclaimsofhisdaughter。Hechoseahusbandforher，entirelytohisownsatisfactionandnotintheleasttohers，andproceededtosettleuponher，ashermarriageportion，I
don\'tknowhowmuchDust，butsomethingimmense。AtthisstageoftheaffairthepoorgirlrespectfullyintimatedthatshewassecretlyengagedtothatpopularcharacterwhomthenovelistsandversifierscallAnother，andthatsuchamarriagewouldmakeDustofherheartandDustofherlife——inshort，wouldsetherup，onaveryextensivescale，inherfather\'sbusiness。Immediately，thevenerableparent——onacoldwinter\'snight，itissaid——
anathematizedandturnedherout。\'
Here，theAnalyticalChemistwhohasevidentlyformedaverylowopinionofMortimer\'sstoryconcedesalittleclarettotheBuffers；
who，againmysteriouslymovedallfouratonce，screwitslowlyintothemselveswithapeculiartwistofenjoyment，astheycryinchorus，\'Praygoon。\'
\'ThepecuniaryresourcesofAnotherwere，astheyusuallyare，ofaverylimitednature。IbelieveIamnotusingtoostronganexpressionwhenIsaythatAnotherwashardup。However，hemarriedtheyounglady，andtheylivedinahumbledwelling，probablypossessingaporchornamentedwithhoneysuckleandwoodbinetwining，untilshedied。ImustreferyoutotheRegistraroftheDistrictinwhichthehumbledwellingwassituated，forthecertifiedcauseofdeath；butearlysorrowandanxietymayhavehadtodowithit，thoughtheymaynotappearintheruledpagesandprintedforms。IndisputablythiswasthecasewithAnother，forhewassocutupbythelossofhisyoungwifethatifheoutlivedherayearitwasasmuchashedid。\'
ThereisthatintheindolentMortimer，whichseemstohintthatifgoodsocietymightonanyaccountallowitselftobeimpressible，he，oneofgoodsociety，mighthavetheweaknesstobeimpressedbywhathehererelates。Itishiddenwithgreatpains，butitisinhim。ThegloomyEugenetoo，isnotwithoutsomekindredtouch；
for，whenthatappallingLadyTippinsdeclaresthatifAnotherhadsurvived，heshouldhavegonedownattheheadofherlistoflovers——andalsowhenthematureyoungladyshrugsherepaulettes，andlaughsatsomeprivateandconfidentialcommentfromthematureyounggentleman——hisgloomdeepenstothatdegreethathetriflesquiteferociouslywithhisdessert-knife。
Mortimerproceeds。
\'Wemustnowreturn，asnovelistssay，andasweallwishtheywouldn\'t，tothemanfromSomewhere。Beingaboyoffourteen，cheaplyeducatedatBrusselswhenhissister\'sexpulsionbefell，itwassomelittletimebeforeheheardofit——probablyfromherself，forthemotherwasdead；butthatIdon\'tknow。Instantly，heabsconded，andcameoverhere。Hemusthavebeenaboyofspiritandresource，togethereonastoppedallowanceoffivesousaweek；buthediditsomehow，andheburstinonhisfather，andpleadedhissister\'scause。Venerableparentpromptlyresortstoanathematization，andturnshimout。Shockedandterrifiedboytakesflight，seekshisfortune，getsaboardship，ultimatelyturnsupondrylandamongtheCapewine:smallproprietor，farmer，grower——whateveryouliketocallit。\'
Atthisjuncture，shufflingisheardinthehall，andtappingisheardatthedining-roomdoor。AnalyticalChemistgoestothedoor，confersangrilywithunseentapper，appearstobecomemollifiedbydescryingreasoninthetapping，andgoesout。
\'Sohewasdiscovered，onlytheotherday，afterhavingbeenexpatriatedaboutfourteenyears。\'
ABuffer，suddenlyastoundingtheotherthree，bydetachinghimself，andassertingindividuality，inquires:\'Howdiscovered，andwhy?\'
\'Ah！Tobesure。Thankyouforremindingme。Venerableparentdies。\'
SameBuffer，emboldenedbysuccess，says:\'When?\'
\'Theotherday。Tenortwelvemonthsago。\'
SameBufferinquireswithsmartness，\'Whatof?\'Buthereinperishesamelancholyexample；beingregardedbythethreeotherBufferswithastonystare，andattractingnofurtherattentionfromanymortal。
\'Venerableparent，\'MortimerrepeatswithapassingremembrancethatthereisaVeneeringattable，andforthefirsttimeaddressinghim——\'dies。\'
ThegratifiedVeneeringrepeats，gravely，\'dies\'；andfoldshisarms，andcomposeshisbrowtohearitoutinajudicialmanner，whenhefindshimselfagaindesertedinthebleakworld。
\'Hiswillisfound，\'saidMortimer，catchingMrsPodsnap\'srocking-
horse\'seye。\'Itisdatedverysoonaftertheson\'sflight。Itleavesthelowestoftherangeofdust-mountains，withsomesortofadwelling-houseatitsfoot，toanoldservantwhoissoleexecutor，andalltherestoftheproperty——whichisveryconsiderable——totheson。Hedirectshimselftobeburiedwithcertaineccentricceremoniesandprecautionsagainsthiscomingtolife，withwhichIneednotboreyou，andthat\'sall——except——\'andthisendsthestory。
TheAnalyticalChemistreturning，everybodylooksathim。Notbecauseanybodywantstoseehim，butbecauseofthatsubtleinfluenceinnaturewhichimpelshumanitytoembracetheslightestopportunityoflookingatanything，ratherthanthepersonwhoaddressesit。
\'——Exceptthattheson\'sinheritingismadeconditionalonhismarryingagirl，whoatthedateofthewill，wasachildoffourorfiveyearsold，andwhoisnowamarriageableyoungwoman。
AdvertisementandinquirydiscoveredthesoninthemanfromSomewhere，andatthepresentmoment，heisonhiswayhomefromthere——nodoubt，inastateofgreatastonishment——tosucceedtoaverylargefortune，andtotakeawife。\'
MrsPodsnapinquireswhethertheyoungpersonisayoungpersonofpersonalcharms?Mortimerisunabletoreport。
MrPodsnapinquireswhatwouldbecomeoftheverylargefortune，intheeventofthemarriageconditionnotbeingfulfilled?
Mortimerreplies，thatbyspecialtestamentaryclauseitwouldthengototheoldservantabovementioned，passingoverandexcludingtheson；also，thatifthesonhadnotbeenliving，thesameoldservantwouldhavebeensoleresiduarylegatee。
MrsVeneeringhasjustsucceededinwakingLadyTippinsfromasnore，bydexterouslyshuntingatrainofplatesanddishesatherknucklesacrossthetable；wheneverybodybutMortimerhimselfbecomesawarethattheAnalyticalChemistis，inaghostlymanner，offeringhimafoldedpaper。CuriositydetainsMrsVeneeringafewmoments。
Mortimer，inspiteofalltheartsofthechemist，placidlyrefresheshimselfwithaglassofMadeira，andremainsunconsciousoftheDocumentwhichengrossesthegeneralattention，untilLadyTippinswhohasahabitofwakingtotallyinsensible，havingrememberedwheresheis，andrecoveredaperceptionofsurroundingobjects，says:\'FalsermanthanDonJuan；whydon\'tyoutakethenotefromthecommendatore?\'Uponwhich，thechemistadvancesitunderthenoseofMortimer，wholooksroundathim，andsays:
\'What\'sthis?\'
AnalyticalChemistbendsandwhispers。
\'WHO?\'SaysMortimer。
AnalyticalChemistagainbendsandwhispers。
Mortimerstaresathim，andunfoldsthepaper。Readsit，readsittwice，turnsitovertolookattheblankoutside，readsitathirdtime。
\'Thisarrivesinanextraordinarilyopportunemanner，\'saysMortimerthen，lookingwithanalteredfaceroundthetable:\'thisistheconclusionofthestoryoftheidenticalman。\'
\'Alreadymarried?\'oneguesses。
\'Declinestomarry?\'anotherguesses。
\'Codicilamongthedust?\'anotherguesses。
\'Why，no，\'saysMortimer；\'remarkablething，youareallwrong。
ThestoryiscompleterandrathermoreexcitingthanIsupposed。
Man\'sdrowned！\'
Chapter3
ANOTHERMAN
AsthedisappearingskirtsoftheladiesascendedtheVeneeringstaircase，Mortimer，followingthemforthfromthedining-room，turnedintoalibraryofbran-newbooks，inbran-newbindingsliberallygilded，andrequestedtoseethemessengerwhohadbroughtthepaper。Hewasaboyofaboutfifteen。Mortimerlookedattheboy，andtheboylookedatthebran-newpilgrimsonthewall，goingtoCanterburyinmoregoldframethanprocession，andmorecarvingthancountry。
\'Whosewritingisthis?\'
\'Mine，sir。\'
\'Whotoldyoutowriteit?\'
\'Myfather，JesseHexam。\'
\'Isithewhofoundthebody?\'
\'Yes，sir。\'
\'Whatisyourfather?\'
Theboyhesitated，lookedreproachfullyatthepilgrimsasiftheyhadinvolvedhiminalittledifficulty，thensaid，foldingaplaitintherightlegofhistrousers，\'Hegetshislivingalong-shore。\'
\'Isitfar?\'
\'Iswhichfar?\'askedtheboy，uponhisguard，andagainupontheroadtoCanterbury。
\'Toyourfather\'s?\'
\'It\'sagoodishstretch，sir。Icomeupinacab，andthecab\'swaitingtobepaid。Wecouldgobackinitbeforeyoupaidit，ifyouliked。Iwentfirsttoyouroffice，accordingtothedirectionofthepapersfoundinthepockets，andthereIseenobodybutachapofaboutmyagewhosentmeonhere。\'
Therewasacuriousmixtureintheboy，ofuncompletedsavagery，anduncompletedcivilization。Hisvoicewashoarseandcoarse，andhisfacewascoarse，andhisstuntedfigurewascoarse；buthewascleanerthanotherboysofhistype；andhiswriting，thoughlargeandround，wasgood；andheglancedatthebacksofthebooks，withanawakenedcuriositythatwentbelowthebinding。
Noonewhocanread，everlooksatabook，evenunopenedonashelf，likeonewhocannot。
\'Wereanymeanstaken，doyouknow，boy，toascertainifitwaspossibletorestorelife?\'Mortimerinquired，ashesoughtforhishat。
\'Youwouldn\'task，sir，ifyouknewhisstate。Pharaoh\'smultitudethatweredrownedintheRedSea，ain\'tmorebeyondrestoringtolife。IfLazaruswasonlyhalfasfargone，thatwasthegreatestofallthemiracles。\'
\'Halloa！\'criedMortimer，turningroundwithhishatuponhishead，\'youseemtobeathomeintheRedSea，myyoungfriend?\'
\'Readofitwithteacherattheschool，\'saidtheboy。
\'AndLazarus?\'
\'Yes，andhimtoo。Butdon\'tyoutellmyfather！Weshouldhavenopeaceinourplace，ifthatgottouchedupon。It\'smysister\'scontriving。\'
\'Youseemtohaveagoodsister。\'
\'Sheain\'thalfbad，\'saidtheboy；\'butifsheknowsherlettersit\'sthemostshedoes——andthemIlearnedher。\'
ThegloomyEugene，withhishandsinhispockets，hadstrolledinandassistedatthelatterpartofthedialogue；whentheboyspokethesewordsslightinglyofhissister，hetookhimroughlyenoughbythechin，andturneduphisfacetolookatit。
\'Well，I\'msure，sir！\'saidtheboy，resisting；\'Ihopeyou\'llknowmeagain。\'
Eugenevouchsafednoanswer；butmadetheproposaltoMortimer，\'I\'llgowithyou，ifyoulike?\'So，theyallthreewentawaytogetherinthevehiclethathadbroughttheboy；thetwofriendsonceboystogetheratapublicschoolinside，smokingcigars；themessengerontheboxbesidethedriver。
\'Letmesee，\'saidMortimer，astheywentalong；\'Ihavebeen，Eugene，uponthehonourablerollofsolicitorsoftheHighCourtofChancery，andattorneysatCommonLaw，fiveyears；and——exceptgratuitouslytakinginstructions，onanaverageonceafortnight，forthewillofLadyTippinswhohasnothingtoleave——Ihavehadnoscrapofbusinessbutthisromanticbusiness。\'
\'AndI，\'saidEugene，\'havebeen“called“sevenyears，andhavehadnobusinessatall，andnevershallhaveany。AndifIhad，I
shouldn\'tknowhowtodoit。\'
\'Iamfarfrombeingclearastothelastparticular，\'returnedMortimer，withgreatcomposure，\'thatIhavemuchadvantageoveryou。\'
\'Ihate，\'saidEugene，puttinghislegsupontheoppositeseat，\'I
hatemyprofession。\'
\'ShallIincommodeyou，ifIputmineuptoo?\'returnedMortimer。
\'Thankyou。Ihatemine。\'
\'Itwasforceduponme，\'saidthegloomyEugene，\'becauseitwasunderstoodthatwewantedabarristerinthefamily。Wehavegotapreciousone。\'
\'Itwasforceduponme，\'saidMortimer，\'becauseitwasunderstoodthatwewantedasolicitorinthefamily。Andwehavegotapreciousone。\'
\'Therearefourofus，withournamespaintedonadoor-postinrightofoneblackholecalledasetofchambers，\'saidEugene；\'andeachofushasthefourthofaclerk——CassimBaba，intherobber\'scave——andCassimistheonlyrespectablememberoftheparty。\'
\'Iamonebymyself，one，\'saidMortimer，\'highupanawfulstaircasecommandingaburial-ground，andIhaveawholeclerktomyself，andhehasnothingtodobutlookattheburial-ground，andwhathewillturnoutwhenarrivedatmaturity，Icannotconceive。
Whether，inthatshabbyrook\'snest，heisalwaysplottingwisdom，orplottingmurder；whetherhewillgrowup，aftersomuchsolitarybrooding，toenlightenhisfellow-creatures，ortopoisonthem；istheonlyspeckofinterestthatpresentsitselftomyprofessionalview。Willyougivemealight?Thankyou。\'
\'Thenidiotstalk，\'saidEugene，leaningback，foldinghisarms，smokingwithhiseyesshut，andspeakingslightlythroughhisnose，\'ofEnergy。IfthereisawordinthedictionaryunderanyletterfromAtoZthatIabominate，itisenergy。Itissuchaconventionalsuperstition，suchparrotgabble！Whatthedeuce！
AmItorushoutintothestreet，collarthefirstmanofawealthyappearancethatImeet，shakehim，andsay，“Gotolawuponthespot，youdog，andretainme，orI\'llbethedeathofyou“?Yetthatwouldbeenergy。\'
\'Preciselymyviewofthecase，Eugene。Butshowmeagoodopportunity，showmesomethingreallyworthbeingenergeticabout，andI\'llshowyouenergy。\'
\'AndsowillI，\'saidEugene。
Anditislikelyenoughthattenthousandotheryoungmen，withinthelimitsoftheLondonPost-officetowndelivery，madethesamehopefulremarkinthecourseofthesameevening。
Thewheelsrolledon，androlleddownbytheMonumentandbytheTower，andbytheDocks；downbyRatcliffe，andbyRotherhithe；downbywhereaccumulatedscumofhumanityseemedtobewashedfromhighergrounds，likesomuchmoralsewage，andtobepausinguntilitsownweightforceditoverthebankandsunkitintheriver。Inandoutamongvesselsthatseemedtohavegotashore，andhousesthatseemedtohavegotafloat——amongbow-splitsstaringintowindows，andwindowsstaringintoships——thewheelsrolledon，untiltheystoppedatadarkcorner，river-washedandotherwisenotwashedatall，wheretheboyalightedandopenedthedoor。
\'Youmustwalktherest，sir；it\'snotmanyyards。\'Hespokeinthesingularnumber，totheexpressexclusionofEugene。
\'Thisisaconfoundedlyout-of-the-wayplace，\'saidMortimer，slippingoverthestonesandrefuseontheshore，astheboyturnedthecornersharp。
\'Here\'smyfather\'s，sir；wherethelightis。\'
Thelowbuildinghadthelookofhavingoncebeenamill。Therewasarottenwartofwooduponitsforeheadthatseemedtoindicatewherethesailshadbeen，butthewholewasveryindistinctlyseenintheobscurityofthenight。Theboyliftedthelatchofthedoor，andtheypassedatonceintoalowcircularroom，whereamanstoodbeforearedfire，lookingdownintoit，andagirlsatengagedinneedlework。Thefirewasinarustybrazier，notfittedtothehearth；andacommonlamp，shapedlikeahyacinth-
root，smokedandflaredintheneckofastonebottleonthetable。
Therewasawoodenbunkorberthinacorner，andinanothercornerawoodenstairleadingabove——soclumsyandsteepthatitwaslittlebetterthanaladder。Twoorthreeoldscullsandoarsstoodagainstthewall，andagainstanotherpartofthewallwasasmalldresser，makingaspareshowofthecommonestarticlesofcrockeryandcooking-vessels。Theroofoftheroomwasnotplastered，butwasformedoftheflooringoftheroomabove。This，beingveryold，knotted，seamed，andbeamed，gavealoweringaspecttothechamber；androof，andwalls，andfloor，alikeaboundinginoldsmearsofflour，red-leadorsomesuchstainwhichithadprobablyacquiredinwarehousing，anddamp，alikehadalookofdecomposition。
\'Thegentleman，father。\'
Thefigureattheredfireturned，raiseditsruffledhead，andlookedlikeabirdofprey。
\'You\'reMortimerLightwoodEsquire；areyou，sir?\'
\'MortimerLightwoodismyname。Whatyoufound，\'saidMortimer，glancingrathershrinkinglytowardsthebunk；\'isithere?\'
\'\'Tain\'tnottosayhere，butit\'scloseby。Idoeverythingreg\'lar。
I\'vegiv\'noticeofthecircumstarncetothepolice，andthepolicehavetookpossessionofit。Notimeain\'tbeenlost，onanyhand。
Thepolicehaveputintoprintalready，andhere\'swhattheprintsaysofit。\'
Takingupthebottlewiththelampinit，hehelditnearapaperonthewall，withthepoliceheading，BODYFOUND。Thetwofriendsreadthehandbillasitstuckagainstthewall，andGafferreadthemasheheldthelight。
\'Onlypapersontheunfortunateman，Isee，\'saidLightwood，glancingfromthedescriptionofwhatwasfound，tothefinder。
\'Onlypapers。\'
Herethegirlarosewithherworkinherhand，andwentoutatthedoor。
\'Nomoney，\'pursuedMortimer；\'butthreepenceinoneoftheskirt-
pockets。\'
\'Three。Penny。Pieces，\'saidGafferHexam，inasmanysentences。
\'Thetrouserspocketsempty，andturnedinsideout。\'
GafferHexamnodded。\'Butthat\'scommon。Whetherit\'sthewashofthetideorno，Ican\'tsay。Now，here，\'movingthelighttoanothersimilarplacard，\'HISpocketswasfoundempty，andturnedinsideout。Andhere，\'movingthelighttoanother，\'HERpocketwasfoundempty，andturnedinsideout。Andsowasthisone\'s。
Andsowasthatone\'s。Ican\'tread，norIdon\'twanttoit，forI
know\'embytheirplacesonthewall。Thisonewasasailor，withtwoanchorsandaflagandG。F。T。onhisarm。Lookandseeifhewarn\'t。\'
\'Quiteright。\'
\'Thisonewastheyoungwomaningreyboots，andherlinenmarkedwithacross。Lookandseeifshewarn\'t。\'
\'Quiteright。\'
\'Thisishimashadanastycutovertheeye。Thisisthemtwoyoungsisterswhattiedthemselvestogetherwithahandkecher。
Thisthedrunkenoldchap，inapairoflistslippersandanightcap，wothadoffered——itafterwardscomeout——tomakeaholeinthewaterforaquarternofrumstoodaforehand，andkepttohiswordforthefirstandlasttimeinhislife。Theyprettywellpaperstheroom，yousee；butIknow\'emall。I\'mscholarenough！\'
Hewavedthelightoverthewhole，asiftotypifythelightofhisscholarlyintelligence，andthenputitdownonthetableandstoodbehinditlookingintentlyathisvisitors。Hehadthespecialpeculiarityofsomebirdsofprey，thatwhenheknittedhisbrow，hisruffledcreststoodhighest。
\'Youdidnotfindalltheseyourself；didyou?\'askedEugene。
Towhichthebirdofpreyslowlyrejoined，\'AndwhatmightYOUR
namebe，now?\'
\'Thisismyfriend，\'MortimerLightwoodinterposed；\'MrEugeneWrayburn。\'
\'MrEugeneWrayburn，isit?AndwhatmightMrEugeneWrayburnhaveaskedofme?\'
\'Iaskedyou，simply，ifyoufoundalltheseyourself?\'
\'Iansweryou，simply，moston\'em。\'
\'Doyousupposetherehasbeenmuchviolenceandrobbery，beforehand，amongthesecases?\'
\'Idon\'tsupposeatallaboutit，\'returnedGaffer。\'Iain\'toneofthesupposingsort。Ifyou\'dgotyourlivingtohauloutoftherivereverydayofyourlife，youmightn\'tbemuchgiventosupposing。
AmItoshowtheway?\'
Asheopenedthedoor，inpursuanceofanodfromLightwood，anextremelypaleanddisturbedfaceappearedinthedoorway——thefaceofamanmuchagitated。
\'Abodymissing?\'askedGafferHexam，stoppingshort；\'orabodyfound?Which?\'
\'Iamlost！\'repliedtheman，inahurriedandaneagermanner。
\'Lost?\'
\'I——I——amastranger，anddon\'tknowtheway。I——I——wanttofindtheplacewhereIcanseewhatisdescribedhere。ItispossibleImayknowit。\'Hewaspanting，andcouldhardlyspeak；but，heshowedacopyofthenewly-printedbillthatwasstillwetuponthewall。
Perhapsitsnewness，orperhapstheaccuracyofhisobservationofitsgenerallook，guidedGaffertoareadyconclusion。
\'Thisgentleman，MrLightwood，isonthatbusiness。\'
\'MrLightwood?\'
Duringapause，Mortimerandthestrangerconfrontedeachother。
Neitherknewtheother。
\'Ithink，sir，\'saidMortimer，breakingtheawkwardsilencewithhisairyself-possession，\'thatyoudidmethehonourtomentionmyname?\'
\'Irepeatedit，afterthisman。\'
\'YousaidyouwereastrangerinLondon?\'
\'Anutterstranger。\'
\'AreyouseekingaMrHarmon?\'
\'No。\'
\'ThenIbelieveIcanassureyouthatyouareonafruitlesserrand，andwillnotfindwhatyoufeartofind。Willyoucomewithus?\'
Alittlewindingthroughsomemuddyalleysthatmighthavebeendepositedbythelastill-savouredtide，broughtthemtothewicket-
gateandbrightlampofaPoliceStation；wheretheyfoundtheNight-Inspector，withapenandink，andruler，postinguphisbooksinawhitewashedoffice，asstudiouslyasifhewereinamonasteryontopofamountain，andnohowlingfuryofadrunkenwomanwerebangingherselfagainstacell-doorintheback-yardathiselbow。Withthesameairofareclusemuchgiventostudy，hedesistedfromhisbookstobestowadistrustfulnodofrecognitionuponGaffer，plainlyimporting，\'Ah！weknowallaboutYOU，andyou\'lloverdoitsomeday；\'andtoinformMrMorrimerLightwoodandfriends，thathewouldattendthemimmediately。Then，hefinishedrulingtheworkhehadinhanditmighthavebeenilluminatingamissal，hewassocalm，inaveryneatandmethodicalmanner，showingnottheslightestconsciousnessofthewomanwhowasbangingherselfwithincreasedviolence，andshriekingmostterrificallyforsomeotherwoman\'sliver。
\'Abull\'s-eye，\'saidtheNight-Inspector，takinguphiskeys。Whichadeferentialsatelliteproduced。\'Now，gentlemen。\'
Withoneofhiskeys，heopenedacoolgrotattheendoftheyard，andtheyallwentin。Theyquicklycameoutagain，noonespeakingbutEugene:whoremarkedtoMortimer，inawhisper，\'NotMUCHworsethanLadyTippins。\'
So，backtothewhitewashedlibraryofthemonastery——withthatliverstillinshriekingrequisition，asithadbeenloudly，whiletheylookedatthesilentsighttheycametosee——andtherethroughthemeritsofthecaseassummedupbytheAbbot。Nocluetohowbodycameintoriver。Veryoftenwasnoclue。Toolatetoknowforcertain，whetherinjuriesreceivedbeforeorafterdeath；oneexcellentsurgicalopinionsaid，before；otherexcellentsurgicalopinionsaid，after。Stewardofshipinwhichgentlemancamehomepassenger，hadbeenroundtoview，andcouldsweartoidentity。Likewisecouldsweartoclothes。Andthen，yousee，youhadthepapers，too。Howwasithehadtotallydisappearedonleavingship，\'tillfoundinriver?Well！Probablyhadbeenuponsomelittlegame。Probablythoughtitaharmlessgame，wasn\'tuptothings，anditturnedoutafatalgame。Inquestto-morrow，andnodoubtopenverdict。
\'Itappearstohaveknockedyourfriendover——knockedhimcompletelyoffhislegs，\'MrInspectorremarked，whenhehadfinishedhissummingup。\'Ithasgivenhimabadturntobesure！\'
Thiswassaidinaverylowvoice，andwithasearchinglooknotthefirsthehadcastatthestranger。
MrLightwoodexplainedthatitwasnofriendofhis。
\'Indeed?\'saidMrInspector，withanattentiveear；\'wheredidyoupickhimup?\'
MrLightwoodexplainedfurther。
MrInspectorhaddeliveredhissummingup，andhadaddedthesewords，withhiselbowsleaningonhisdesk，andthefingersandthumbofhisrighthand，fittingthemselvestothefingersandthumbofhisleft。MrInspectormovednothingbuthiseyes，ashenowadded，raisinghisvoice:
\'Turnedyoufaint，sir！Seemsyou\'renotaccustomedtothiskindofwork?\'
Thestranger，whowasleaningagainstthechimneypiecewithdroopinghead，lookedroundandanswered，\'No。It\'sahorriblesight！\'
\'Youexpectedtoidentify，Iamtold，sir?\'
\'Yes。\'
\'HAVEyouidentified?\'
\'No。It\'sahorriblesight。O！ahorrible，horriblesight！\'
\'Whodidyouthinkitmighthavebeen?\'askedMrInspector。\'Giveusadescription，sir。Perhapswecanhelpyou。\'
\'No，no，\'saidthestranger；\'itwouldbequiteuseless。Good-night。\'
MrInspectorhadnotmoved，andhadgivennoorder；but，thesatelliteslippedhisbackagainstthewicket，andlaidhisleftarmalongthetopofit，andwithhisrighthandturnedthebull\'s-eyehehadtakenfromhischief——inquiteacasualmanner——towardsthestranger。
\'Youmissedafriend，youknow；oryoumissedafoe，youknow；oryouwouldn\'thavecomehere，youknow。Well，then；ain\'titreasonabletoask，whowasit?\'Thus，MrInspector。
\'Youmustexcusemytellingyou。Noclassofmancanunderstandbetterthanyou，thatfamiliesmaynotchoosetopublishtheirdisagreementsandmisfortunes，exceptonthelastnecessity。Idonotdisputethatyoudischargeyourdutyinaskingmethequestion；
youwillnotdisputemyrighttowithholdtheanswer。Good-night。\'
Againheturnedtowardsthewicket，wherethesatellite，withhiseyeuponhischief，remainedadumbstatue。
\'Atleast，\'saidMrInspector，\'youwillnotobjecttoleavemeyourcard，sir?\'
\'Ishouldnotobject，ifIhadone；butIhavenot。\'Hereddenedandwasmuchconfusedashegavetheanswer。
\'Atleast，\'saidMrInspector，withnochangeofvoiceormanner，\'youwillnotobjecttowritedownyournameandaddress?\'
\'Notatall。\'
MrInspectordippedapeninhisinkstand，anddeftlylaiditonapieceofpaperclosebesidehim；thenresumedhisformerattitude。
Thestrangersteppeduptothedesk，andwroteinarathertremuloushand——MrInspectortakingsidelongnoteofeveryhairofhisheadwhenitwasbentdownforthepurpose——\'MrJuliusHandford，ExchequerCoffeeHouse，PalaceYard，Westminster。\'
\'Stayingthere，Ipresume，sir?\'
\'Stayingthere。\'
\'Consequently，fromthecountry?\'
\'Eh?Yes——fromthecountry。\'
\'Good-night，sir。\'
Thesatelliteremovedhisarmandopenedthewicket，andMrJuliusHandfordwentout。
\'Reserve！\'saidMrInspector。\'Takecareofthispieceofpaper，keephiminviewwithoutgivingoffence，ascertainthatheISstayingthere，andfindoutanythingyoucanabouthim。\'
Thesatellitewasgone；andMrInspector，becomingonceagainthequietAbbotofthatMonastery，dippedhispeninhisinkandresumedhisbooks。Thetwofriendswhohadwatchedhim，moreamusedbytheprofessionalmannerthansuspiciousofMrJuliusHandford，inquiredbeforetakingtheirdeparturetoowhetherhebelievedtherewasanythingthatreallylookedbadhere?
TheAbbotrepliedwithreticence，couldn\'tsay。Ifamurder，anybodymighthavedoneit。Burglaryorpocket-pickingwanted\'prenticeship。Notso，murder。Wewereallofusuptothat。Hadseenscoresofpeoplecometoidentify，andneversawonepersonstruckinthatparticularway。Might，however，havebeenStomachandnotMind。Ifso，rumstomach。Buttobesuretherewererumeverythings。Pitytherewasnotawordoftruthinthatsuperstitionaboutbodiesbleedingwhentouchedbythehandoftherightperson；younevergotasignoutofbodies。Yougotrowenoughoutofsuchasher——shewasgoodforallnightnowreferringheretothebangingdemandsfortheliver，\'butyougotnothingoutofbodiesifitwaseverso。\'
TherebeingnothingmoretobedoneuntiltheInquestwasheldnextday，thefriendswentawaytogether，andGafferHexamandhissonwenttheirseparateway。But，arrivingatthelastcorner，Gafferbadehisboygohomewhileheturnedintoared-curtainedtavern，thatstooddropsicallybulgingoverthecauseway，\'forahalf-a-pint。\'
Theboyliftedthelatchhehadliftedbefore，andfoundhissisteragainseatedbeforethefireatherwork。Whoraisedherheaduponhiscominginandasking:
\'Wheredidyougo，Liz?\'
\'Iwentoutinthedark。\'
\'Therewasnonecessityforthat。Itwasallrightenough。\'
\'Oneofthegentlemen，theonewhodidn\'tspeakwhileIwasthere，lookedhardatme。AndIwasafraidhemightknowwhatmyfacemeant。Butthere！Don\'tmindme，Charley！Iwasallinatrembleofanothersortwhenyouownedtofatheryoucouldwritealittle。\'
\'Ah！ButImadebelieveIwrotesobadly，asthatitwasoddsifanyonecouldreadit。AndwhenIwroteslowestandsmearedbutwithmyfingermost，fatherwasbestpleased，ashestoodlookingoverme。\'
Thegirlputasideherwork，anddrawingherseatclosetohisseatbythefire，laidherarmgentlyonhisshoulder。
\'You\'llmakethemostofyourtime，Charley；won\'tyou?\'
\'Won\'tI?Come！Ilikethat。Don\'tI?\'
\'Yes，Charley，yes。Youworkhardatyourlearning，Iknow。AndIworkalittle，Charley，andplanandcontrivealittlewakeoutofmysleepcontrivingsometimes，howtogettogetherashillingnow，andashillingthen，thatshallmakefatherbelieveyouarebeginningtoearnastraylivingalongshore。\'
\'Youarefather\'sfavourite，andcanmakehimbelieveanything。\'
\'IwishIcould，Charley！ForifIcouldmakehimbelievethatlearningwasagoodthing，andthatwemightleadbetterlives，I
shouldbea\'mostcontenttodie。\'
\'Don\'ttalkstuffaboutdying，Liz。\'
Sheplacedherhandsinoneanotheronhisshoulder，andlayingherrichbrowncheekagainstthemasshelookeddownatthefire，wentonthoughtfully:
\'Ofanevening，Charley，whenyouareattheschool，andfather\'s——\'
\'AttheSixJollyFellowshipPorters，\'theboystruckin，withabackwardnodofhisheadtowardsthepublic-house。
\'Yes。ThenasIsita-lookingatthefire，Iseemtoseeintheburningcoal——likewherethatglowisnow——\'
\'That\'sgas，thatis，\'saidtheboy，\'comingoutofabitofaforestthat\'sbeenunderthemudthatwasunderthewaterinthedaysofNoah\'sArk。Lookhere！WhenItakethepoker——so——andgiveitadig——\'
\'Don\'tdisturbit，Charley，orit\'llbeallinablaze。It\'sthatdullglownearit，comingandgoing，thatImean。WhenIlookatitofanevening，itcomeslikepicturestome，Charley。\'
\'Showusapicture，\'saidtheboy。\'Telluswheretolook。\'
\'Ah！Itwantsmyeyes，Charley。\'
\'Cutawaythen，andtelluswhatyoureyesmakeofit。\'
\'Why，thereareyouandme，Charley，whenyouwerequiteababythatneverknewamother——\'
\'Don\'tgosayingIneverknewamother，\'interposedtheboy，\'forI
knewalittlesisterthatwassisterandmotherboth。\'