WIVES AND DAUGHTERS

第46章

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第46章

WIVES AND DAUGHTERS Elizabeth Gaskell

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WIVES AND DAUGHTERS
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  ’No!’saidCynthia。’Notnow。Iambusy。Leavemealone。Idon’twanttohearwhatyouhavegottosay。Idonotwanttoseeyou。By—and—byweshallmeet,andthen——’Mollystoodquitequietly,wonderingwhatnewwordsofmorepersuasionshecoulduse。InaminuteortwoCynthiacalledout,’Areyoutherestill,Molly?’andwhenMollyanswered’Yes,’andhopedforarelenting,thesamehardmetallicvoice,tellingofresolutionandrepression,spokeout,’Goaway。Icannotbearthefeelingofyourbeingthere—waitingandlistening。Godownstairs—outofthehouse—anywhereaway。Itisthemostyoucandoforme,now。’

  EndofPartFivechapter51ELIZABETHGASKELLWIVESANDDAUGHTERSPARTVI(ChaptersLI—LX)CHAPTERLI’TROUBLESNEVERCOMEALONE’Mollyhadherout—of—doorthingson,andshecreptawayasshewasbidden;

  sheliftedherheavyweightofheartandbodyalongtillshecametoafield,notsoveryfaroff,—whereshehadsoughtthecomfortoflonelinesseversinceshewasachild;andthere,underthehedge—bank,shesatedown,buryingherfaceinherhands,andquiveringalloverasshethoughtofCynthia’smisery,thatshemightnottrytotouchorassuage。Sheneverknewhowlongshesatethere,butitwaslongpastlunch—timewhenonceagainshestoleuptoherroom。Thedooroppositewasopenwide,—Cynthiahadquittedthechamber。Mollyarrangedherdressandwentdownintothedrawing—room。Cynthiaandhermothersatethereinthesternreposeofanarmedneutrality。Cynthia’sfacelookedmadeofstone,forcolourandrigidity;butshewasnettingawayasifnothingunusualhadoccurred。

  NotsoMrsGibson:herfaceboreevidentmarksoftears,andshelookedupandgreetedMolly’sentrancewithafaintsmilingnotice。Cynthiawentonasthoughshehadneverheardtheopeningofthedoor,orfelttheapproachingsweepofMolly’sdress。Mollytookupabook,—nottoread,buttohavethesemblanceofsomeemploymentwhichshouldnotnecessitateconversation。Therewasnomeasuringthedurationofthesilencethatensued。Mollygrewtofancyitwassomeoldenchantmentthatweighedupontheirtonguesandkeptthemstill。AtlengthCynthiaspoke,butshehadtobeginagainbeforeherwordscameclear,—’IwishyoubothtoknowthathenceforwardallisatanendbetweenmeandRogerHamley。’Molly’sbookwentdownuponherknees;withopeneyesandlipsshestrovetodrawinCynthia’smeaning。MrsGibsonspokequerulously,asifinjured,—’Icouldhaveunderstoodthisifithadhappenedthreemonthsago,—whenyouwereinLondon;butnowit’sjustnonsense,Cynthia,andyouknowyoudon’tmeanit!’Cynthiadidnotreply;nordidtheresolutelookonherfacechangewhenMollyspokeatlast,—’Cynthia—thinkofhim!Itwillbreakhisheart!’’No!’saidCynthia,’itwillnot。Butevenifitdid,Icannothelpit。’’Allthistalkwillsoonpassaway!’saidMolly;’andwhenheknowsthetruthfromyourownself——’’Frommyownselfheshallneverhearit。Idonotlovehimwellenoughtogothroughtheshameofhavingtoexcusemyself,—topleadthathewillreinstatemeinhisgoodopinion。Confessionmaybe—well!Icanneverbelieveitpleasant—butitmaybeaneaseofmindifonemakesittosomepeople,—tosomeperson,—anditmaynotbeamortificationtosueforforgiveness。Icannottell。AllIknowis,—andIknowitclearly,andwillactuponitinflexibly—that——’Andthereshestoppedshort。’Ithinkyoumightfinishyoursentence,’saidhermother,afterasilenceoffiveseconds。’IcannotbeartoexculpatemyselftoRogerHamley。Iwillnotsubmittohisthinkinglesswellofmethanhehasdone,—howeverfoolishhisjudgmentmayhavebeen。Iwouldratherneverseehimagain,forthesetworeasons。

  Andthetruthis,Idonotlovehim。Ilikehim,Irespecthim;butIwillnotmarryhim。Ihavewrittentotellhimso。Thatwasmerelyasarelieftomyself,forwhenorwheretheletterwillreachhim——AndIhavewrittentooldMrHamley。Thereliefistheonegoodthingcomeoutofitall。

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