CHAPTERII
Ican’thonestlysaythatwemademuchprogressatourfirstmeeting。ItwasBrown’sfault。Hewouldbeginbytellingusastoryaboutadog。Itwastheold，oldstoryofthedogwhohadbeeninthehabitofgoingeverymorningtoacertainbaker’sshopwithapennyinhismouth，inexchangeforwhichhealwaysreceivedapennybun。Oneday，thebaker，thinkinghewouldnotknowthedifference，triedtopalmoffuponthepooranimalaha’pennybun，whereuponthedogwalkedstraightoutsideandfetchedinapoliceman。Brownhadheardthischestnutforthefirsttimethatafternoon，andwasfullofit。ItisalwaysamysterytomewhereBrownhasbeenforthelasthundredyears。Hestopsyouinthestreetwith，\"Oh，Imusttellyou！——suchacapitalstory！\"Andhethereuponproceedstorelatetoyou，withmuchspiritandgusto，oneofNoah’sbestknownjokes，orsomestorythatRomulusmusthaveoriginallytoldtoRemus。OneofthesedayssomebodywilltellhimthehistoryofAdamandEve，andhewillthinkhehasgotholdofanewplot，andwillworkitupintoanovel。
Hegivesforththesehoaryantiquitiesaspersonalreminiscencesofhisown，or，atfurthest，asepisodesinthelifeofhissecondcousin。Therearecertainstrangeandmovingcatastrophesthatwouldseemeithertohaveoccurredto，ortohavebeenwitnessedby，nearlyeveryoneyoumeet。Inevercameacrossamanyetwhohadnotseensomeothermanjerkedoffthetopofanomnibusintoamud—
cart。HalfLondonmust，atonetimeoranother，havebeenjerkedoffomnibusesintomud—carts，andhavebeenfishedoutattheendofashovel。
Thenthereisthetaleoftheladywhosehusbandistakensuddenlyillonenightatanhotel。Sherushesdownstairs，andpreparesastiffmustardplastertoputonhim，andrunsupwithitagain。Inherexcitement，however，shechargesintothewrongroom，and，rollingdownthebedclothes，pressesitlovinglyuponthewrongman。