M116

第8章

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第8章

M116 Alice Meynell

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M116
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  Thetumultsofalittlechild’spassionsofangerandgrief,growingfewerashegrowsolder,ratherincreasethanlessenintheirpainfulness。Thereisafullerconsciousnessofcompletecapitulationofallthechildishpowerstotheoverwhelmingcompulsionofanger。Thisisnottemptation;thewordistooweakfortheassaultofachild’spassionuponhiswill。Thatlittlewillistakencaptiveentirely,andbeforethechildwassevenheknewthatitwasso。Suchaconsciousnessleavesallbabyhoodbehindandcondemnsthechildtosuffer。Foracertainpassageofhislifeheisneitherunconsciousofevil,ashewas,norstrongenoughtoresistit,ashewillbe。Thetimeofthesubsidingofthetumultisbynomeanstheleastpitiableofthephasesofhumanlife。Happilytherecoveryfromeachtroubleisreadyandsure;sothatthechildwhohadbeenabandonedtonaughtinesswithallhiswillinanentireconsenttothegloomypossessionofhisanger,andwhohadlaterundergoneahaggardrepentance,hashiscaptivitysuddenlyturnedagain,\"likeriversinthesouth。\"\"Forgetit,\"hehadwept,inakindofextremityofremorse;\"forgetit,darling,anddon’t,don’tbesad;\"anditishe,happily,whoforgets。Thewastedlookofhispalefaceiseffacedbythetouchofasinglecheerfulthought,andfiveshortminutescanrestoretheruin,asthoughabrokenlittleGermantownshouldinthetwinklingofaneyeberestoredasnoarchitectcouldrestoreit——shouldbemadefresh,strong,andtightagain,lookinglikeafullboxoftoys,asatownwaswonttolookinthenewdaysofold。

  Whenhisruthlessangersarenotinpossessionthechildshowsthegrowthofthistardyreasonthat——quickened——ishereaftertodosomuchforhispeaceanddignity,bythesweetestconsideration。

  Deniedasecondhandfulofstrawberries,andseeingquiteclearlythatthedenialwasenforcedreluctantly,hemakeshastetoreply,\"Itdoesn’tmatter,darling。\"Atanysuddennoiseinthehousehisbeautifulvoice,withallitslittledifficultiesofpronunciation,isheardwiththesedulousreassurance:\"It’sallright,mother,nobodyhurtedourselves!\"Heisnotsurprisedsoastoforgetthisgentlelittleduty,whichwasneverrequiredofhim,butisofhisowndevising。

  AccordingtotheopinionofhisdearandadmiredAmericanfriend,hesaysallthesethings,goodandevil,withanEnglishaccent;andattheAmericanplayhisEnglishaccentwasirrepressible。\"It’stoocomic;no,it’stoocomic,\"hecalledinhisenjoyment;beingtheonlyperfectlyfearlesschildintheworld,hewillnotconsenttotheconventionalshynessinpublic,whetherhebethememberofanaudienceorofacongregation,butmakeshimselfperceptible。Andevenwhenhehasadesperatethingtosay,inthemomentofabsoluterevolt——suchathingas\"ICAN’Tlikeyou,mother,\"whichanonhewillrecantwithconvulsionsofdistress——hehasto\"speakthethinghewill,\"andwhenherecantsitisnotforfear。

  Ifsuchachildcouldberuled(orapproximatelyruled,forinquisitorialgovernmentcouldhardlybesomuchasattempted)bysomesmallmeansadaptedtohissizeandtohisphysicalaspect,itwouldbewellforhishealth,butthatseemsattimesimpossible。

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