WhenIgoabouthereinagondola，IsurprisemyselflookingintoothergondolasasifIhopedtoseethem。Itwouldovercomemewithjoytoseethem，butIdon’tthinkitwouldsurprisememuch，atfirst。Inmyfancifultimes，Ifancythattheymightbeanywhere；andIalmostexpecttoseetheirdearfacesonthebridgesorthequays。
AnotherdifficultythatIhavewillseemverystrangetoyou。Itmustseemverystrangetoanyonebutme，anddoeseventome：I
oftenfeeltheoldsadpityfor——Ineednotwritetheword——forhim。Changedasheis，andinexpressiblyblestandthankfulasI
alwaysamtoknowit，theoldsorrowfulfeelingofcompassioncomesuponmesometimeswithsuchstrengththatIwanttoputmyarmsroundhisneck，tellhimhowIlovehim，andcryalittleonhisbreast。Ishouldbegladafterthat，andproudandhappy。ButI
knowthatImustnotdothis；thathewouldnotlikeit，thatFannywouldbeangry，thatMrsGeneralwouldbeamazed；andsoIquietmyself。Yetindoingso，IstrugglewiththefeelingthatIhavecometobeatadistancefromhim；andthateveninthemidstofalltheservantsandattendants，heisdeserted，andinwantofme。