Ursula

第36章

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第36章

Ursula Anonymous

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Ursula
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  “OfmydearSavinien,“criedthegirl,burstingintotears。“Yes,mygoodfriend,“shesaid,sobbing,“avoicetellsmeheisasnobleinheartasheisinrace。Hehasnotonlytoldmethathelovesmealone,buthehasproveditinahundreddelicateways,andbyrestrainingheroicallyhisardentfeelings。LatelywhenhetookthehandIheldouttohim,thateveningwhenMonsieurBongrandproposedtomeahusband,itwasthefirsttime,Isweartoyou,thatIhadevergivenit。Hebeganwithajestwhenheblewmeakissacrossthestreet,butsincethenouraffectionhasneveroutwardlypassed,asyouwellknow,thenarrowestlimits。ButIwilltellyou,——youwhoreadmysoulexceptinthisoneregionwherenonebuttheangelssee,——well,Iwilltellyou,thislovehasbeeninmethesecretspringofmanyseemingmerits;itmademeacceptmypoverty;itsoftenedthebitternessofmyirreparableloss,formymourningismoreperhapsinmyclothesnowthaninmyheart——Oh,wasIwrong?canitbethatlovewasstrongerinmethanmygratitudetomybenefactor,andGodhaspunishedmeforit?Buthowcoulditbeotherwise?IrespectedinmyselfSavinien’sfuturewife;yes,perhapsIwastooproud,perhapsitisthatpridewhichGodhashumbled。Godalone,asyouhaveoftentoldme,shouldbetheendandobjectofallouractions。“

  Theabbewasdeeplytouchedashewatchedthetearsrolldownherpallidface。Thehigherhersenseofsecurityhadbeen,thelowershewasnowtofall。

  “But,“shesaid,continuing,“ifIreturntomyorphanedcondition,I

  shallknowhowtotakeupitsfeelings。Afterall,couldIhavetiedamill-stoneroundtheneckofhimIlove?Whatcanhedohere?WhoamI

  tobindhimtome?Besides,doInotlovehimwithafriendshipsodivinethatIcanbearthelossofmyownhappinessandmyhopes?YouknowIhaveoftenblamedmyselfforlettingmyhopesrestuponagrave,andforknowingtheywerewaitingonthatpooroldlady’sdeath。IfSavinienisrichandhappywithanotherIhaveenoughtopayformyentrancetoaconvent,whereIshallgoatonce。Therecannomorebetwolovesinawoman’sheartthantherecanbetwomastersinheaven,andthelifeofareligiousisattractivetome。“

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