ItisalittledifficulttoexplainwhyIdidnotcometodowhatwasthenaturalthingforanyoneinmycircumstancestodo，andtakemyworldforgranted。Acertaininnatescepticism，Ithink，explainsitandacertaininaptitudeforsympatheticassimilation。Myfather，Ibelieve，wasasceptic；mymotherwascertainlyahardwoman。
Iwasanonlychild，andtothisdayIdonotknowwhethermyfatherislivingordead。Hefledmymother’svirtuesbeforemydistinctermemoriesbegan。Heleftnotracesinhisflight，andshe，inherindignation，destroyedeveryvestigethatshecouldofhim。NeveraphotographnorascrapofhishandwritinghaveI
seen；anditwas，Iknow，onlytheacceptedcodeofvirtueanddiscretionthatpreventedherdestroyinghermarriagecertificateandme，andsomakingacleansweepofhermatrimonialhumiliation。IsupposeImustinheritsomethingofthemoralstupiditythatwouldenablehertomakeaholocaustofeverylittlepersonalthingshehadofhim。Theremusthavebeenpresentsmadebyhimasalover，forexample——bookswithkindlyinscriptions，lettersperhaps，aflattenedflower，aring，orsuch-likegage。Shekeptherwedding-ring，ofcourse，butalltheothersshedestroyed。Shenevertoldmehischristiannameorindeedspokeawordtomeofhim；thoughattimesIcameneardaringtoaskher：addwhatIhaveofhim——itisn’tmuch——Igotfromhisbrother，myhero，myunclePonderevo。Sheworeherring；hermarriagecertificateshekeptinasealedenvelopeintheverybottomofherlargesttrunk，andmeshesustainedataprivateschoolamongtheKentishhills。YoumustnotthinkIwasalwaysatBladesover——eveninmyholidays。Ifatthetimethesecameround，LadyDrewwasvexedbyrecentCompany，orforanyotherreasonwishedtotakeitoutofmymother，thensheusedtoignorethecustomaryremindermymothergaveher，andI“stayedon“attheschool。
Butsuchoccasionswererare，andIsupposethatbetweentenandfourteenIaveragedfiftydaysayearatBladesover。
Don’timagineIdenythatwasafinethingforme。Bladesover，inabsorbingthewholecountryside，hadnotaltogethermissedgreatness。TheBladesoversystemhasatleastdoneonegoodthingforEngland，ithasabolishedthepeasanthabitofmind。