Iwastheoffender,andIknewitThatknowledgetransformedmypityintopassiveendurance,and,eventually,intoblindhat~thesameinstinct,Isuppose,whichpromptsamantosavagelystamponthespiderhehasbuthalfkilledAndwiththishateinmybosomtheseasonof1882cametoanend。
NextyearwemetagainatSimla-shewithhermonotonousfaceandtimidattemptsatreconciliation,andIwithloathingofherineveryfibreofmyframeSeveraltimesIcouldnotavoidmeetingheralone;andoneachoccasionherwordswereidenticallythesameStilltheunreasoningwailthatitwasalla“mistake“;andstillthehopeofeventually“makingfriends。”ImighthaveseenhadIcaredtolook,thatthathopeonlywaskeepingheraliveShegrewmorewanandthinmonthbymonthYouwillagreewithme,atleast,thatsuchconductwouldhavedrivenanyonetodespairItwasuncalledfor;childish;unwomanlyImaintainthatshewasmuchtoblameAndagain,sometimes,intheblack,fever-strickennight-watches,IhavebeguntothinkthatImighthavebeenalittlekindertoherButthatreallyisa“delusion。”I
couldnothavecontinuedpretendingtoloveherwhenIdidn’t;
couldI?Itwouldhavebeenunfairtousboth。
Lastyearwemetagain-onthesametermsasbeforeThesamewearyappeal,andthesamecurtanswersfrommylipsAtleastI