The Innocents Abroad

第14章

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第14章

The Innocents Abroad Mark Twain

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The Innocents Abroad
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  Isawrealglasswindowsinthehousesofeventhecommonestpeople。Someofthehousesarenotofstone,noryetofbricks;Isolemnlysweartheyaremadeofwood。Housestherewilltakefireandburn,sometimes——actuallyburnentirelydown,andnotleaveasinglevestigebehind。Icouldstatethatforatruth,uponmydeath—bed。Andasaproofthatthecircumstanceisnotrare,Iaverthattheyhaveathingwhichtheycallafire—engine,whichvomitsforthgreatstreamsofwater,andiskeptalwaysinreadiness,bynightandbyday,torushtohousesthatareburning。Youwouldthinkoneenginewouldbesufficient,butsomegreatcitieshaveahundred;theykeepmenhired,andpaythembythemonthtodonothingbutputoutfires。

  Foracertainsumofmoneyothermenwillinsurethatyourhouseshallnotburndown;andifitburnstheywillpayyouforit。Therearehundredsandthousandsofschools,andanybodymaygoandlearntobewise,likeapriest。Inthatsingularcountryifarichmandiesasinner,heisdamned;

  hecannotbuysalvationwithmoneyformasses。Thereisreallynotmuchuseinbeingrich,there。Notmuchuseasfarastheotherworldisconcerned,butmuch,verymuchuse,asconcernsthis;becausethere,ifamanberich,heisverygreatlyhonored,andcanbecomealegislator,agovernor,ageneral,asenator,nomatterhowignorantanassheis——justasinourbelovedItalythenoblesholdallthegreatplaces,eventhoughsometimestheyarebornnobleidiots。There,ifamanberich,theygivehimcostlypresents,theyaskhimtofeasts,theyinvitehimtodrinkcomplicatedbeverages;butifhebepoorandindebt,theyrequirehimtodothatwhichtheytermto\"settle。\"Thewomenputonadifferentdressalmosteveryday;thedressisusuallyfine,butabsurdinshape;theveryshapeandfashionofitchangestwiceinahundredyears;anddidIbutcovettobecalledanextravagantfalsifier,Iwouldsayitchangedevenoftener。

  HairdoesnotgrowupontheAmericanwomen\'sheads;itismadeforthembycunningworkmenintheshops,andiscurledandfrizzledintoscandalousandungodlyforms。Somepersonsweareyesofglasswhichtheyseethroughwithfacilityper—haps,elsetheywouldnotusethem;andinthemouthsofsomeareteethmadebythesacrilegioushandofman。Thedressofthemenislaughablygrotesque。Theycarrynomusketinordinarylife,nornolong—pointedpole;theywearnowidegreen—linedcloak;theywearnopeakedblackfelthat,noleatherngaitersreachingtotheknee,nogoat—skinbreecheswiththehairsideout,nohob—nailedshoes,noprodigiousspurs。

  Theywearaconicalhattermeda\"nail—kag;\"acoatofsaddestblack;

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