Jane Eyre

第18章

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第18章

Jane Eyre Charlotte Bronte

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Jane Eyre
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  Elizastillspokelittle:shehadevidentlynotimetotalk。Ineversawabusierpersonthansheseemedtobe;yetitwasdifficulttosaywhatshedid:orrather,todiscoveranyresultofherdiligence。Shehadanalarmtocallherupearly。Iknownothowsheoccupiedherselfbeforebreakfast,butafterthatmealshedividedhertimeintoregularportions,andeachhourhaditsallottedtask。Threetimesadayshestudiedalittlebook,whichIfound,oninspection,wasaCommonPrayerBook。Iaskedheroncewhatwasthegreatattractionofthatvolume,andshesaid,“theRubric。”Threehoursshegavetostitching,withgoldthread,theborderofasquarecrimsoncloth,almostlargeenoughforacarpet。Inanswertomyinquiriesaftertheuseofthisarticle,sheinformedmeitwasacoveringforthealtarofanewchurchlatelyerectednearGateshead。Twohoursshedevotedtoherdiary;twotoworkingbyherselfinthekitchen—garden;andonetotheregulationofheraccounts。Sheseemedtowantnocompany;noconversation。Ibelieveshewashappyinherway:thisroutinesufficedforher;andnothingannoyedhersomuchastheoccurrenceofanyincidentwhichforcedhertovaryitsclockworkregularity。

  Shetoldmeoneevening,whenmoredisposedtobecommunicativethanusual,thatJohn’sconduct,andthethreatenedruinofthefamily,hadbeenasourceofprofoundafflictiontoher:butshehadnow,shesaid,settledhermind,andformedherresolution。Herownfortuneshehadtakencaretosecure;andwhenhermotherdied—anditwaswhollyimprobable,shetranquillyremarked,thatsheshouldeitherrecoverorlingerlong—shewouldexecutealong—cherishedproject:seekaretirementwherepunctualhabitswouldbepermanentlysecuredfromdisturbance,andplacesafebarriersbetweenherselfandafrivolousworld。IaskedifGeorgianawouldaccompanyher。

  “Ofcoursenot。Georgianaandshehadnothingincommon:theyneverhadhad。Shewouldnotbeburdenedwithhersocietyforanyconsideration。Georgianashouldtakeherowncourse;andshe,Eliza,wouldtakehers。”

  Georgiana,whennotunburdeningherhearttome,spentmostofhertimeinlyingonthesofa,frettingaboutthedulnessofthehouse,andwishingoverandoveragainthatherauntGibsonwouldsendheraninvitationuptotown。“Itwouldbesomuchbetter,”shesaid,“ifshecouldonlygetoutofthewayforamonthortwo,tillallwasover。”Ididnotaskwhatshemeantby“allbeingover,”butIsupposeshereferredtotheexpecteddeceaseofhermotherandthegloomysequeloffuneralrites。Elizagenerallytooknomorenoticeofhersister’sindolenceandcomplaintsthanifnosuchmurmuring,loungingobjecthadbeenbeforeher。Oneday,however,assheputawayheraccount—bookandunfoldedherembroidery,shesuddenlytookherupthus—

  “Georgiana,amorevainandabsurdanimalthanyouwascertainlyneverallowedtocumbertheearth。Youhadnorighttobeborn,foryoumakenouseoflife。Insteadoflivingfor,in,andwithyourself,asareasonablebeingought,youseekonlytofastenyourfeeblenessonsomeotherperson’sstrength:ifnoonecanbefoundwillingtoburdenherorhimselfwithsuchafat,weak,puffy,uselessthing,youcryoutthatyouareill—treated,neglected,miserable。Then,too,existenceforyoumustbeasceneofcontinualchangeandexcitement,orelsetheworldisadungeon:youmustbeadmired,youmustbecourted,youmustbeflattered—youmusthavemusic,dancing,andsociety—oryoulanguish,youdieaway。Haveyounosensetodeviseasystemwhichwillmakeyouindependentofallefforts,andallwills,butyourown?Takeoneday;shareitintosections;toeachsectionapportionitstask:leavenostrayunemployedquartersofanhour,tenminutes,fiveminutes—includeall;doeachpieceofbusinessinitsturnwithmethod,withrigidregularity。Thedaywillclosealmostbeforeyouareawareithasbegun;andyouareindebtedtonooneforhelpingyoutogetridofonevacantmoment:youhavehadtoseeknoone’scompany,conversation,sympathy,forbearance;youhavelived,inshort,asanindependentbeingoughttodo。Takethisadvice:thefirstandlastIshallofferyou;thenyouwillnotwantmeoranyoneelse,happenwhatmay。Neglectit—goonasheretofore,craving,whining,andidling—andsuffertheresultsofyouridiocy,howeverbadandinsuperabletheymaybe。Itellyouthisplainly;andlisten:forthoughIshallnomorerepeatwhatIamnowabouttosay,Ishallsteadilyactonit。Aftermymother’sdeath,Iwashmyhandsofyou:fromthedayhercoffiniscarriedtothevaultinGatesheadChurch,youandIwillbeasseparateasifwehadneverknowneachother。Youneednotthinkthatbecausewechancedtobebornofthesameparents,Ishallsufferyoutofastenmedownbyeventhefeeblestclaim:Icantellyouthis—ifthewholehumanrace,ourselvesexcepted,weresweptaway,andwetwostoodaloneontheearth,Iwouldleaveyouintheoldworld,andbetakemyselftothenew。”

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