Ihadbeenthinkingofmyfamily——ofmyfamilyintermsofMatthew——andyetwithagrowingyearningthatembracedthemall.IhadnotinformedMaudeofmyillness,andIhadmanagedtowarnTomPetersnottodoso.
IhadsimplywrittenherthatafterthecampaignIhadgoneforaresttoCalifornia;yetinherletterstome,afterthisinformationhadreachedher,Idetectedarestrainedanxietyandaffectionthattroubledme.
Sequencesofwordscuriouslyconveymeaningsandimplicationsthattranscendtheirliteralsense,truethoughtsandfeelingsaredifficulttodisguiseeveninwrittenspeech.CoulditbepossibleafterallthathadhappenedthatMaudestilllovedme?Icontinuallyputthethoughtawayfromme,butcontinuallyitreturnedtohauntme.SupposeMaudecouldnothelplovingme,inspiteofmyweaknessesandfaults,evenasI
lovedNancyinspiteofhers?Loveisnologicalthing.
ItwasMatthewIwanted,MatthewofwhomIthought,andtrivial,long-